


Fireworks And Other Bright Ideas

by pbmolecules



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Awkward Cas, Dean and Cas are 17 and 16, First Time, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, High School, High School AU, M/M, Neighbors, No penetration, Pining, School Fight, Secret Relationship, Shitty childhoods, Teen Angst, Touching, Underage Drinking, beach, blended families - Freeform, boardwalk, friends - Freeform, game play, nervous cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-18 20:48:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 48,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16126451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pbmolecules/pseuds/pbmolecules
Summary: High school AU.  Castiel knows what he wants.  He wants his best friend’s brother, Dean.  What he doesn’t know, is how to ever make that happen.  Hell, he’s never even kissed anyone.  Oh, and no one knows he’s gay.  And, oh yeah, Dean’s straight.Dean seems larger than life.  An impossibility.  So, when he offers to help him learn to relax around guys, Castiel thinks he just might die.Castiel was willing to learn anything Dean could teach him.It turns out, Dean has a thing or two to learn.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural or these characters.
> 
> This fic is a bit of fluffy angst that just sort of bloomed from nowhere.  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> I will post three times a week. It won’t take long for this to be fully posted :)

Castiel closed his Chemistry book, sliding it away from himself. He added his name to the top of his homework paper and closed the binder.

Finished.

Finally.

He put both items into his backpack, zipping it shut. He tossed the plain black backpack into his closet and headed downstairs.

His mother was in the kitchen, drinking coffee with Mary, Sam and Dean’s mom.

“Hello, Mary. Mom.” He stopped in the doorway between the living room and kitchen. 

“Hi, Castiel,” Mary grinned. His mom turned, giving him a smile.

“Can I go over to Sam’s?” He tapped his foot, knowing this was a redundant but necessary conversation. Adults always insisted on being informed of every move. Well, his mother, anyway. She would ask if his homework was done, he’d say yes, and she’d say be back by dark.

“Is your homework finished?” 

“Yep.”

“Is that alright with you?” She asked, turning to Mary. His mother’s hair was always back in a neat bun. He wasn’t exactly sure how long his mother’s hair really was. It was never down. Mary’s hair was wilder. Curly, with a windswept look. Sometimes up, sometimes down. But his mother, Naomi, always wore hers the same.

“Sure,” Mary shrugged with a grin.

“Honestly, Mary, I don’t know how you tolerate so many kids hanging out at your house all the time. It would drive me crazy!” 

“Why do you think I come over here for coffee?” Mary laughed, making Naomi grin. “I need adult time. Otherwise I’ll slave away in the kitchen or start playing video games just so I speak their language.”

Both mothers laughed. Naomi turned to him again. “Sure. Be home by dark, okay?”

“Alright.” There. Required conversation complete. 

He jogged out the front door. It was warm enough now that he no longer needed a coat. His t-shirt and jeans were warm enough. Spring was in full swing with blooming trees and frequent rainy days. But none of that was on his mind. He wanted to get to Sam’s. Chuck was finally back from his Mom’s. She had promised him a new video game for Sam’s system. The rest of them were probably already way ahead of him. 

He always seemed to be the one behind.

He jogged down the narrow sidewalk that led to the main sidewalk. He checked the traffic and dodged across the street.

Sam lived in the house across from his. They were small houses in a crowded neighborhood full of big old houses that were mostly now converted to apartments. The neighborhood was in town, just two blocks from downtown shopping and half a mile walk to school. 

All his friends lived in apartments nearby, except Sam and Dean and himself. 

All of them came from blended families or single parent homes. It was complicated. Scheduling anything was hit and miss if it was on a weekend. But during the week, during school, they all converged on the Winchester house as often as possible.

He bypassed Sam’s front door, heading along the side of the house, up the driveway and through the carport.

“Hey dweeb.”

Castiel stopped in his tracks, suddenly aware of the stain on his shirt, the dorky sneakers he was wearing, and how scrawny he was. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean stood up from the open hood of their family car. Dean was two years older than Sam. Only one year older than himself. But he seemed so much older than the rest of them.

He and his friends all seemed so much older. Dean was seventeen. It wasn’t the magical year that was the only difference. There was just something cool about the guy. He always had his own friends around. Girlfriends. He went to parties. He drank. He drove. He fixed cars. He was just...cooler.

“Where you goin’ in such a hurry?” Dean teased, wiping grease from his hands with an old rag.

“I’m not. Really. Just checking out a new game Chuck got for his birthday.” Castiel tried to straighten his hair out, glancing at the oil bottle in Dean’s hand. “You want help changing the oil?”

“I think I can manage,” Dean smirked.

“Doubt it,” Benny laughed.

Castiel had not noticed Benny sitting on the workbench at the back of the carport, drinking a soda. He did not particularly like Benny. Neither did Sam. And Dean tended to act more like a jerk when Benny was around. 

Castiel realized with a small jolt that he was staring at Dean. He was waiting for more. But for what exactly, he couldn’t say. He turned to the house, wanting to say something back to him, but no normal words would come into his pudding cup for a brain! He went into the backyard and down the basement steps to the room they hung out in.

Their hang-out was the Winchester’s basement. It had painted cinderblock walls and dingy carpet. It held two full couches. An old coffee table was where most of them propped their feet. A big TV sat at one end. The furniture was considered indestructible for the most part. The TV and video game system were the only thing of any value. 

This room was where they had sleepovers, they played games, they spent their rainy days, and one of the two places in this world where Castiel felt comfortable and at home.

“Hey, Cas!” Sam grinned, looking up from the TV.

“Hello, Sam.” But Castiel’s eyes were glued to the TV already. “You got it, Chuck?”

“Yeah! It’s super fun! Come try it!” Chuck grinned up at him from the old couch, pausing the game. His pale blue eyes were wide and happy. His curly brown hair gave him a boyish look that made him look like he was more around thirteen than fifteen.

“No,” Castiel shook his head. “I’ll watch for a while first.”

Chuck nodded. Gabriel, sitting next to him with a lollipop sticking out of his mouth didn’t even move his eyes from the TV, hitting play again.

Gabriel was Castiel’s step brother. For the most part, he was a pain in the ass, always pulling pranks or getting into trouble at school. All that aside, he was Castiel’s other best friend.

When Castiel was three, his father left. Just...left. Walked out on him and his mother. He had very few memories of the man other than he had blue eyes like his own and a sweet, soft voice.

When he was ten, his mom started dating Gabriel’s dad. He and Gabriel were the same age. There were lots of awkward ‘play dates’ Castiel had suffered through. At the time, Gabriel was quite an asshole. Always pranking him. Always mocking him. But in front of their parents, he was sweet as an angel. Castiel could not keep up with the monster that was Gabriel.

Their parents got married. And for two years, life was good for Naomi. Castiel, always the quiet one of the bunch, found himself slipping further into the corner of everyday life. 

And then small things became big things. That was how life generally worked. Small things were small when people were happy. But after two years...his mother was no longer happy. Gabriel’s dad was rarely home and he drank a lot. He always had headaches and he never wanted the boys around. 

At twelve, Gabriel was not having it. His own mother never took him for his weekends with her. Castiel could see how angry it made him. How hurt he was. But Gabe just covered his anger and hurt with mischief.

And then a big thing became the breaking point. It was rare Zachariah got physical when he was drunk, but Gabe had changed his dad’s computer password, locking him out. In a drunken rage, he threw a book, hitting Gabe in the head.

It was enough to knock Gabe off his feet. Castiel had stepped in, holding an arm out to deflect the next item, but it was more than his scrawny arm could stop. A huge stone paperweight hit his hand, breaking two fingers.

Gabe was back on his feet with a protective arm around Castiel when the empty liquor bottle came next. It shattered on the wall just beside Castiel’s head.

They ran. Ran away. For the first time, they felt like brothers. True brothers. Bleeding together will do that. They both had shards of glass on the sides of their faces. They pulled the chunks of glass out and took care of each other for two days.

Dean was the one that had found them. They should have known better than to use the old abandoned convenient store to hide out in. 

Dean was always the cool older brother of Sam. He rarely hung out with them. But that day...Dean was his hero. He had found them. It wasn’t that he had come. Or that he was the one who talked them into coming back home. It wasn’t the bag of chips he gave them or the patient walk home. It was the look on Dean’s face the moment he saw Cas curled up, half asleep on an empty shelf in a stock room. The look of pure relief that flooded his shoulders as they sank. 

He and Gabriel had sat upright in shock of seeing him there. 

“Cas?” Dean had said, shaky and a mixture of relief, joy, and anger crossed his face.

“Dean?” He had said in shock. Before he could wonder why he was there, Dean was hugging him tight. It had taken him a few seconds to even process what Dean Winchester was doing. Then he hugged him back just as tightly. He had never hugged him before. And he had rarely hugged him since.

But for one brief moment, Dean held him tight. He could feel his hand run through his hair and the relief as his heart rate slowed down.

He could feel Dean’s back and shoulders through his shirt. He was a little taller than him. And broader.

Chills romped violently down his neck and back when Dean turned his head, his mouth by his ear and said, “I’ve been so worried about you! Both of you! I’ve been looking for you for two days.”

Castiel backed away from Dean’s mouth being by his ear. He had not even realized Dean was hugging both he and Gabriel.

Gabriel backed up quick enough, but Castiel did not move any further. Honestly, he was star-struck. 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked just above a whisper, looking at him with such tender worry.

“Just hungry,” he had managed. And he stared at the green eyes he had always thought were so pretty. But now, they were on him. Him alone. With care and concern. It was overwhelming.

Dean put his hand on the side of Castiel’s face, not quite touching where the glass had been pulled out. “What happened, Cas?”

Castiel fought a gasp. The sudden care and attention were making his mind shut down.

“It was my stupid dad,” Gabriel admitted, sitting back on the wide shelf. “Got drunk and was throwing shit at us.”

Gabriel had three cuts from glass and a purplish bruise on his cheek from the book.

Dean’s eyes came back to Cas quickly. “Are you okay?”

Castiel nodded, then shook his head no. “I think my fingers are broken.”

Dean’s attention snapped down to Cas’ hand, which he and Gabe had splinted with cardboard and string.

“Cas!” He took Cas’ hand in his, inspecting the splinted fingers in the dim light. “You shoulda come to my house.” He looked back at him with a determination and attention Castiel had never received before. “Don’t ever run away again. Ever. You come find me.”

Castiel’s insides were chaotic at best. He nodded in awe.

“Promise?” Dean demanded.

“I promise,” Castiel whispered.

Dean looked at Gabriel. 

“Okay!” Gabriel held both hands up in surrender. “I promise.”

And then the look of utter relief. Dean smiled at him, hugging him again. Castiel was more prepared this time. He hugged him back, his head dropping onto Dean’s shoulder with need. Need for security. Need for attention. He just...needed him.

“You guys gotta come home,” Dean said against his hair. 

Castiel nodded agreement. He would have walked right into hell if Dean had asked him to in that moment.

They stepped apart. “Your dad is gone, Gabe. The police came the night you two ran off. Naomi kicked Zach out. I think he got arrested.”

Gabriel nodded.

“Naomi is worried sick. You guys gotta come home.”

He and Gabriel agreed to go. Besides, Castiel was sick of his hand hurting so badly. And they were both hungry.

Dean walked them all the way home. He hadn’t said much, but relief was evident in the set of his shoulders and the look of calm in his eyes.

And so it was, at age twelve, in an abandoned gas station. Or somewhere along the train tracks they followed most of the way home, that Castiel Novak realized he was gay.

And he was head-over-heels in love with Dean.

Gabriel’s dad had moved out and never came back. Not once. Last year, his mom had officially adopted Gabe, making him Gabriel Novak instead of Gabriel Adler. It was awesome for the most part. And Gabe had calmed down considerably. Besides easing up on the general prankster routine, he was a good son to Naomi. And a good brother to Cas. That, and he had hit puberty with his typical flair for the grandiose. He always had a girlfriend. Or two. He was a tireless flirt. And though his relationships didn’t seem to last long, he was generally a much happier guy than the jaded, mischievous boy that had first moved in with them.

Castiel’s secret crush was crippling. Dean just kept getting better and better looking. It was brutal. The moment at the old gas station had eventually faded. Dean’s attention had dialed back to its usual light teasing.

That had been four years ago. Now, at sixteen, he had a handle on his crush. He pretty-well had his libido squashed to nil. 

Castiel tried to focus on the video game and not the brief eye contact he had just had with Dean. For the most part, he rarely thought about it anymore. But every now and then, if Dean looked at him just a little too long or if he touched him for any reason, his ridiculous crush would come rushing back.

He watched as the screen lit up in an explosion. “How’d you do that?” 

Gabe shoved his arms half over his lap, showing him the finger combination. 

Castiel watched, squished on the couch between Gabe and Chuck. Sam was on the second couch next to Charlie and his cousin Jo.

Jo was usually always at the Winchester’s, since her mom, Ellen, ran a bar and restaurant a few blocks over. Charlie was often there too, but at a year older than the rest of them, she often hung out with Dean and Benny as well. She liked working on cars with the guys.

Jo’s dad had died five or six years ago. A bar fight gone wrong. John, Sam and Dean’s dad, had been involved in the fight. John wasn’t around much after that. Mary and John got divorced soon after. He lived outside of town. One weekend a month, Sam and Dean had to go stay with him. They hated it. And Castiel could see why. John was a harsh man. He drank a lot and he was hard on his sons. Castiel had been there several times, but never went anymore. John made him nervous. He always looked at him like he was a problem. He looked at all of them that way.

Charlie was the only one with two parents still married. But her mom was in a coma at the nursing home in town. Castiel had never met her. But Sam and Dean went with her to visit sometimes. It made Charlie sad to go. It made her sad not to go. It was complicated.

Chuck’s dad was a writer. But for the most part, he just drank and collected disability for debilitating migraines. They never went to Chuck’s house. His dad seemed nice, but you always had to be extremely quiet. It was like walking on eggshells just to be there.

They were all in eleventh grade this year. Except Dean, Benny and Charlie, who were graduating in a few weeks. Dean had a job already at his uncle’s garage and planned to stay to help his mom with the bills. Charlie was starting college locally, and who knew what Benny would do. Castiel hoped he would move.

Sam was the youngest of the group, but had skipped a grade in junior high, putting him in their class.

Gabe and Sam died on the video game and surrendered their controls to Chuck and Charlie to play next.

“Cassie,” Gabe said quietly, “you gotta cover for me tomorrow night. I got a hot date.”

Castiel sighed. “Be home by ten and Mom won’t even care, Gabe.”

Gabe shook his head, biting his lip. “I think this date is gonna go a little late. If ya know what I mean.” He waggled his eyebrows with a grin.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Who is it?”

“Tessa. She’s having a pool party. You should come.”

Castiel pictured himself at a pool party. Sun shining, swimsuits and swim trunks with giggly girls and guys trying to show off. No thanks. He preferred the sanctuary of Sam’s basement. Or his own room.

“No thanks,” Castiel answered finally.

Gabe groaned. “You are impossible. How are ya ever gonna get laid if you never leave the neighborhood?”

Castiel smirked. There were some pretty tasty choices right here in his own neighborhood. But he let the smirk disappear quickly, keeping thoughts like that to himself.

“How did you hook up with Tess?” Charlie asked, eyes glued on the game. “She’s one of the richest kids at our school!”

“Guess she’s slumming it for the summer,” Gabe huffed a laugh. “Besides, it’s nothing serious. Have you ever seen her dad?”

“He’s a mortician, right?” Chuck asked.

Gabe nodded. “Yeah. Hella-creepy. Somber as Cassie and stern as an iron pole. Guy creeps me the fuck out. I won’t be hangin’ around long.”

“You’re a pig, Gabriel,” Sam snorted, shaking his head in disgust.

“Well, I’m a happy pig,” Gabe grinned back. “Tell me you wouldn’t hit up a gorgeous chick like Tessa if you had the chance.”

“Not like that,” Sam scowled. Castiel exchanged a disgruntled look. Gabriel could be so Gabriel sometimes.

“You wanna come, Sam?” Gabe asked, leaning around Castiel to see him better.

“No thanks. I’m not hangin’ around while you...do whatever you do.”

“Flirt Sambo. It’s called flirting. Ya know, you look ‘em in the eyes with a grin...you reach over and touch their arm.” Gabe ran a hand down Chuck’s arm, since he couldn’t reach Sam. Chuck gave him a quizzical look. “You tell ‘em how pretty they are. You look really nice in that shirt, Chuck.”

Chuck blushed. “Quit it!” He pulled his arm away, looking back at the TV.

“Seriously, Gabe,” Sam shook his head, “you would fuck a hole in the wall.”

Gabe waggled his eyebrows. “Depends what’s on the other side of it.”

Everyone broke into laughter and yells of him to stop being a pig. Gabriel laughed, sitting back to swat away several pillows thrown at him.

“Better watch where you’re puttin’ that thing, Gabe.”

Everyone looked back, seeing Dean walk in the room. He sat on the floor in front of Charlie to watch the game.

“You might regret it,” Dean added.

“You know of a good hole in the wall, Dean?” Gabe laughed.

“Nah. But I’ve been around Tessa before. You’re right. She likes to slum it in the summertime. Date bad boys from south side. Then she’ll dump you like trash come August.”

Castiel didn’t even bat an eye at the familiar annoyance that flared inside him when Dean talked about dating or who he had slept with. Dean was only slightly less piggish than Gabriel. And that had only been for the past year while he dated Lisa. Castiel couldn’t say he liked Lisa. He hated her, in fact. But Dean had settled down a bit.

“Heard there’s a honey-hole at Weasel’s Bar. You gotta pay like $30 to go in to the ‘private bathroom’,” Gabe laughed.

Dean laughed, nodding. “I heard that too. Can’t say I wanna even go in a nasty-ass place called ‘Weasel’s’. Besides, could be a dude on the other side of that hole.”

“Who cares,” Gabe laughed. “If it gets the job done - ooh!” He was cut off by a thudding blow to the face with a fairly solid pillow shot from Jo.

“Shut up, Gabe! You’re all talk!” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“No, I don’t think he is,” Castiel said aloud, not really meaning to. Everyone but Charlie and Chuck looked at him. Gabe with one arched eyebrow. “I just mean...” per usual, Castiel wished he hadn’t said anything, “Gabe doesn’t exaggerate. And I really don’t think he’d care if...”

“If a guy sucked my dick?” Gabe finished, laughing and blushing. “Damn, Cassie. This is why you never talk! Because the shit goin’ on in your head is actually filthy, X-rated trash!”

Castiel smirked, nodding to shut his brother up. “Yep.”

“So, would you?” Sam asked, dead serious.

Dean smirked, watching for Gabe’s reaction.

Gabriel, in true Gabriel style, shrugged, totally indifferent. “I suppose.” He thought about it a moment. “Yeah. Guess I would.” His cheeks colored only the faintest, but per usual, Castiel took him for his word.

“You’re crazy,” Chuck laughed, eyes still on the game. “Damnit!” His character died and Charlie raised her arms in victory. 

“Why am I crazy?” Gabe asked him, not his typical joking self any longer. “You got something against it?”

Castiel was feeling closer and closer to hyperventilating. Why had this subject even come up? Damnit, Gabriel! But still, he had to hear every word and see every reaction in the room.

Chuck dropped the controller in Castiel’s lap. “I was talking to Charlie. She just ate my guys head off! Weren’t you watching?”

“Oh, no. We were discussing me being bi.”

The room went silent. Castiel was blushing profusely. He turned to look at Gabriel with what he knew was some amount of shock.

Gabriel shrugged. “What?”

“It’s cool, Gabe,” Charlie said, leaning forward to really look at him. “If you are, that’s fine. Don’t let anyone make you feel less-than for it.”

They all knew Charlie was gay. She made no bones about it. None of them had any issues with it, not even Dean. But this was different. For some stupid reason, guys had it a lot harder than girls did to be gay. Or at least that’s how he felt in his own locked-off section of his brain.

“Thanks, Charlie!” Gabe grinned.

“If you mean it, it’s fine,” Jo shrugged. “I thought you were just being a pig earlier.”

“Oh, I was. Life is short, Joleen. I think you should enjoy what you can.”

“Careful,” Chuck grinned, “or you’ll end up like Luc!” 

“Protection, Charles. Always. No babies for me, thanks.”

“That’s enough afternoon special for me,” Dean grumbled, getting to his feet. Castiel watched him and Charlie walk out of the room.

Other than paying a little more attention than usual, Dean gave nothing away. Castiel had no idea where he stood on the thought of bisexuality. Or being a gay man, for that matter. Not that it really mattered. He didn’t need Dean’s approval. Dean was straight as a board.

Sam was looking quite thoughtful, not saying anything. Castiel worried that maybe Sam would be judgmental of Gabe. That would suck. It could ruin friendships, which is partially why Castiel had never said anything. To anyone. Ever.

“So, Tessa is slumming it and Gabe is bi,” Jo summarized, taking the controller Charlie had left. “Good ta know. Come on, Cas, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Castiel tried to shove all the thoughts out of his head as he chose his character. “I think it’s great, Gabe.”

Gabe snorted a laugh. “I knew you would.”

Castiel glanced at him, but Gabe was already looking at his phone. “Why?”

Gabe looked up at him with only a soft smile. “Because you don’t have a judgmental bone in your body. Except about yourself.”

Castiel quirked a grin at him. He was glad Gabe saw him that way. He did not think of himself as judgmental. But it was true, he could be pretty hard on himself.

He grimaced as Jo killed him only ten minutes into playing. She laughed, sticking her tongue out at him. He handed the controller back to Gabe. His mind just wasn’t in it.

Conversation moved on to more normal topics after that. Finals. What they were doing this summer. Who was getting a job and where. By the time it was almost dark, Castiel was back to his usual self.

“We better go,” he said, nudging Gabe’s elbow with his. 

“Yeah. I might turn into a pumpkin and you’d have to carry me home,” Gabe yawned. “See ya tomorrow, guys!”

“Bye,” Sam answered, getting up to give Chuck his game back.

“Yeah, I gotta go too,” Chuck said, getting to his feet.

“See you tomorrow,” Sam nodded.

They headed up the steps and around the house. The carport was quiet and empty but for the gleaming Impala that sat there.

It was chillier than it had been and Castiel shoved his hands in his pockets as the three crossed the street.

“Night,” Chuck said, heading toward a three story, old house three houses down from theirs.

“Night,” Castiel and Gabe called, heading in their own front door.

They both got a quick snack from the kitchen and answered their mom’s usual questions. Yes, they had fun. And yes, everything was good next door. They both said goodnight and headed upstairs to their room.

Gabe flopped onto his unmade bed, still texting someone.

Castiel finished his apple, tossing the core in his trashcan. “Did you really mean what you said earlier?” It came out so quiet he thought Gabe might not have heard him. He kept his eyes on his own calendar, giving Gabe the option of ignoring him or privacy to think about an answer.

“About what?”

Castiel turned to look at his brother. Gabe was strewn across his bed, shoes still on and watching him closely.

“About being...ya know.”

Gabe raised both eye brows. Unwilling to fill in the blanks for him.

Castiel sighed softly, fighting down the nerves that were making him feel slightly nauseous. “About being bi.”

“Oh that,” Gabe grinned. Seeming proud that he had made Castiel say it out loud. “Yeah. I mean...who cares, right? If I wanna have sex with a guy, that’s my business.”

“But...do you? Want to have sex with a guy?” Castiel knew he was blushing.

Gabe grinned wide. “I’d try it.”

“With who?” Castiel asked, coming to sit on his own, neatly made bed. He couldn’t stem his curiosity.

“Now that, I’m not telling.”

Castiel frowned, deflating somewhat.

“How ‘bout you, Cassie?”

Castiel blushed furiously. “I... there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Gabe stated simply, still watching him.

“I...” Castiel wanted to tell him yes. He wanted to unload the many times he’d thought about it. Dean. Other guys at school. Actors. Singers. He swallowed hard, his hands sweating. He wiped his palms on his jeans. “I would. Yes.”

It felt like a release-valve had been nudged. Some of the pent-up anxiety steaming away.

“Was that so hard to admit?” Gabe grinned.

Castiel frowned at Gabe’s nonchalance. Maybe he wasn’t being as serious as he had thought.

“No,” Castiel whispered.

Gabe grinned up at the ceiling. “Ya know you can tell me anything, right?”

This wasn’t the first time Gabe had said this to him. But Castiel trusted no one. And he knew Gabe was a blabber-mouth. He did mean well though. “I know,” he answered quietly.

Gabriel’s phone dinged. He picked it up, reading a text. “You gonna cover for me tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Castiel nodded. “But if you fall asleep somewhere and aren’t home by morning, you’re on your own.”

“I won’t. I couldn’t sleep at Tessa’s house anyway. Not with Captain Death in charge.”

Castiel grinned. Tessa’s father really was a macabre man. It was as if he carried a cloud of death with him. 

“You gonna come with?” Gabe threw a sock at him. 

Castiel whipped it back. “No.”

Gabriel groaned. “It’s my mission to get you hooked up with somebody this summer.”

Castiel scrunched his lips at the thought. He would like that. He would like someone to be with. Someone to date. But with his backwards personality and penchant for blushing flaming red. And... yeah. It wasn’t happening.

“So... what if I set you up on a date?” Gabe asked, tossing the sock back.

“No, Gabriel. I’ll figure it out on my own.” The thought of who Gabriel might choose for him was beyond worrisome. Especially now that he had admitted to the fact that he might be bi. 

Gabe sat up with an eager gleam in his eyes. “Tell ya what, bro, if you haven’t gone out with anyone by June 15th, I’m setting you up on a date!”

“No!” Castiel laughed.

“It’s a deal!” Gabe grinned, looking away pointedly and getting up for a shower, leaving the room. “I know lots of people think you’re ‘so shy and cute’!”

“Gabe! No!”

“Boys!” their mom was at the top of the steps as Castiel yelled across the hall at the closed bathroom door. “Quiet down,” she gave Castiel a stern look.

“Sorry, Mom.” 

“Goodnight, boys,” she smiled, closing her own bedroom door.

“Night,” Castiel answered.

“NIGHT MAMMA!” Gabe bellowed from in the shower.

Castiel could hear his mom giggle from her bedroom. It was good Gabriel was here with them. Otherwise, him and his mom could fade into a quiet existence. He was good for the both of them.

So... maybe he should just let Gabriel do his thing. If he hadn’t asked anyone out by the middle of June...Gabe would do it for him.

The only thing he would need to correct was that he wasn’t bi. No. He had never had an attraction to a girl. He had entertained the thought. But it just sat wrong. He was definitely gay. 

As if someone might overhear his own thoughts, he glanced toward his mother’s bedroom door. He stepped back into his room and shut the door, getting into bed. He thought back to the look on Dean’s face when Gabe was talking about being bi. He had hardly made any kind of change in expression. But he was watching closely. So, was he interested in a research kind of way? Or was he curious what Gabe and maybe the rest of them were? What would he think? Would he hate him? Would Sam? Chuck?

Well, Charlie would be his friend no matter what. She would probably set the rest of them straight as well. But at least he would know. He could quit wondering what everyone would think.

He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, groaning loudly to the empty room. He was tired of hiding it. 

It was time.


	2. Chapter 2

2: 

 

So, his little pep talk had sagged and disappeared by morning. Castiel started the day with his usual cloud of stormy energy. After a shower to help him wake up, he got dressed and threw a tennis ball at Gabe who was still in bed.

“Next one’s a bowling ball,” Castiel warned.

“Alright! Alright!” Gabe threw his covers back with a flourish and rolled out of bed with a moan.

“Come on, you have a big date tonight,” Castiel grinned, grabbing his book bag and leaving the room.

He jogged down the stairs and sat at the table to eat a bagel.

“I was thinking we could go to the beach this summer,” his mom said, out of the blue.

Castiel looked up at her, a smile spreading on his face. “Really? We can afford that?”

“Well, we can. I was talking about it with Mary yesterday. With the two of us going, we could split the cost.”

“Sam and...”

“Yeah,” she nodded, distracted with her coffee stirring. “Sam and Dean would go. She said Dean might be able to help too.”

Castiel schooled his elevated eyebrows back to a more normal look. “Yeah! That would be great! If we wait until the end of summer, I can help too. I got that job at the convenient store.”

“The Gas-n-Sip they put in that old place?” She asked, her perceptive blue eyes on him.

“Yeah. They want me to come in for training next week. So, by the time school is over, I’ll be working as many hours as they’ll give me.”

She gave him a proud grin. “That’s wonderful, Castiel.”

Castiel looked back down at his bagel. The beach. With Sam and Dean. It made him nervous just thinking about it. Sharing a room with Dean could be...interesting. They had slept in the basement at the same time, many times, but that was different.

“Does it sound like fun?” She asked, knowing how nervous he got over traveling.

“Yes! I think it would be great!” He gave her his best smile, watching her relax a bit.

“It would be good to get a trip in before your senior year. Who knows where you boys will be jetting off to next year.” A sad smile crossed her face. “It’s going to be so strange without you two.”

Castiel nodded. He had a stack of college applications on his desk. Some for him. Some for Gabe. He just needed the application fees to send with them.

She put the lid on her travel mug and gave him an encouraging grin. “See you tonight. I’ll be late.”

“Alright. We might stay at Sam’s. Or Kevin’s. I’ll text you.”

She nodded, heading out the front door. He could hear her saying good morning to the neighbor. Gabriel thundered down the steps. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” Castiel ate the last bite of his bagel, sitting the plate in the sink. He was still chewing when he walked out the front door, letting Gabe lock up.

“Mom said we might go to the beach this summer.”

Gabe fell in step beside him as they crossed the street to wait for Sam. “Seriously?” Gabe grinned. “That would be awesooooome!”

“She said we might go with Sam.” Butterflies erupted in his stomach just thinking about Dean being there. “Well, Mary, Sam, and Dean.”

“Ooohhh,” Gabe grinned. “Now that could be really fun! We gotta score some liquor!”

“Gabriel,” Castiel sighed.

Sam came out the front door with his usual morning grin. “Hey.”

“Hey,” the echoed back.

All the way to school, they talked about how great a trip to the beach would be. What they could do there, what they should take, and (important to Gabe) what they would eat.

Castiel went through the day with his typical quiet presence. He rarely spoke in class. Or in the hall. He preferred to take time to decide what he would say, before saying it.

As the end of the day bell rang, he left all his books in his locker except his Science book and notebook. That was his first final next week.

Warm air blew against him as he pushed his way through the heavy school door. The first thing that caught his eye was a small scene to the left of the stairs.

Sam was about to get in another fight with Dirk. The guy was an overgrown slug with a hell of a right hook. But Sam was no easy target. The two had fought before. Several times.

Castiel dodged through the crowd, arriving after two hits had already been thrown. Sam had ducked the first, but got caught by the second. The crowd around them ooohhed.

Castiel broke through the circle of on-lookers in time to shove Dirk over a step, missing his next throw.

“Get out of here, Smitty!” Dirk glared.

The wealthier kids at school called all the poor, white trash south side kids ‘Smitty’. It was the name of the local trash service. Smitty Recycling and Refuse.

Before Castiel could decide to hit Dirk or move out of the way, Sam clocked him a solid punch to the side of his fat head. Dirk hollered, stepping back.

Sam came at him again, knocking him down. “You’re such a jerk. Dirk the jerk!” Sam yelled.

Castiel knew the guy must deserve it, but he pulled Sam back a step anyway.

Sam stopped, giving Castiel a somewhat apologetic look. A teacher burst through the crowd, blowing a whistle and yelling.

“Break it up! Who’s fighting?”

No one said anything, but Dirk was bleeding from his nose.

“Dirk. I should have known,” she snapped. “Looks like you can sit in detention all next week. And no attending graduation. No school events.”

The look of shock that drained Sam’s face was painful to see. Sam would not get to see his brother graduate if he got caught.

“I was fighting with him,” Castiel spoke up. It wouldn’t be the first time he got in trouble because of Dirk. 

“Castiel!” The teacher shook her head in shock.

Dirk pulled his hand away from his bleeding nose. “He’s not - “

Castiel cut Dirk off with a sharp jab to the mouth, the crowd yelling again and the teacher inserting herself in the middle of it.

“Enough!” She shouted.

Castiel backed up and all Dirk could do was catch the blood running steadily from his nose and mouth now.

“To the office! Now!”

“Cas!” Sam said, a pleading look tugging his eyes into puppy-dog status.

Castiel shook his head no. If Sam blew this, he’d miss Dean’s graduation. Over Dirk the jerk and his need for constant negative attention.

The friends met a silent agreement and Castiel grinned at him as the teacher drug him back up the steps and into school. It was worth it. Sam and Dean were worth it.

 

*************************************

 

It was a silent ride home. His mother never handled him getting in trouble very well. She took it as a personal assault on her mothering skills when her boys got in trouble. 

It was more commonly Gabe, but this was not Castiel’s first suspension either. 

“Did you hear what Principal Henriksen said? If you get in one more fight, you’ll be expelled!”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Expelled! There goes any chances at a good scholarship, Castiel!”

“I know,” he admitted quietly. But he had not been thinking about college when he stepped into the fight. He had been thinking about Sam. And Dean. “I’ll stay out of trouble.”

She sighed, swatting a tear of frustration off her cheek as she turned onto their street. “It’s this shitty neighborhood. That lousy school.” Her eyes were getting redder and Castiel knew she was going to start really crying soon. “You’re grounded.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

She pulled along the curb in front of their house. Sam was sitting on the Winchester’s front porch with Chuck, Gabriel, Kevin, Jo, and Charlie. Some of them got to their feet as Castiel stepped out of the car, but he shook his head no.

Sam’s head dropped into his hands.

He followed his mom into the house where she made a straight beeline for the couch. “I wanted such a better life for you! I had hopes. Such high hopes.”

Castiel’s stomach clenched at the sight of his mom crying. “Mom, it’s going to be okay.” He sat next to her, trying his best to comfort her. “I love this neighborhood. All my friends are here.”

She sniffled, nodding her head. “I know. But I wanted the best for both you boys. And I just could never get any further than this.”

Castiel sighed. Maybe he had done the wrong thing. But it seemed a no-brainer at the time.

“My guidance counselor will help me figure out what to do. She’s really good with this kinda stuff. She knows I’m not a trouble maker.”

“Yes, but you don’t walk away from trouble either!”

He sat back on the couch. That was true. But he was sure he had done the right thing.

He looked up as the door opened. Gabe came in with a sheepish look on his face. “Mom?”

She wiped her cheeks off and sat up a bit straighter. “Now’s not a good time,” she said as Sam and Mary came in behind him.

Castiel knew exactly what had happened. He pressed his lips together at the ridiculously guilty look on Sam’s face and the nervous look on Mary’s.

“Naomi, I’m so sorry to intrude, but I need to tell you what happened.”

“Damnit, Sam,” Castiel muttered.

“You watch your language,” his mom snapped, already at wits end.

“Naomi,” Sam said, stepping forward, “this is all my fault. I’m the one who got in the fight. Cas just jumped in because Mrs. Nelson said whoever was in the fight couldn’t go to graduation. I...”

A look of understanding settled onto Naomi’s face. She turned to Castiel with mild frustration. “You took the blame for a fight so Sam could see Dean graduate?”

Castiel sat there stubbornly for a moment. There was no point in lying. He wasn’t very good at it anyway. “Yes.”

She sat back, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I’m so sorry, Naomi,” Mary added. “Whatever you want us to do, we will. Castiel can’t get in trouble on Sam’s account. It’s just not right.”

“Well,” Naomi stood up, smoothing her dress pants out. “Castiel did hit that boy, right in front of a teacher. So, neither of them could go, or just Castiel. Sam might as well go. There’s no sense in both of them being in trouble.”

Mary looked doubtful. “Will they let him take his finals?”

“Yes. Because he’s on the honor role. And I begged them.”

Mary looked relieved. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Sam added. “It all just happened so fast...then I just didn’t know what to do.” Sam looked defeated. “This is all my fault. That stupid Dirk and his constant mouth.”

“I have to go back to work,” Naomi said, heading back for the door. She gave Castiel an exasperated sigh. She turned her focus on Sam. “I understand why you let him take the blame. But you boys need to find a better way of handling things than fighting.”

Sam nodded, looking down. 

“Thanks, Mary,” Naomi said, hugging her. “What are we going to do with these boys?”

Mary shook her head with frustration. “I don’t know. Ground them all until they’re thirty.”

“I’m sorry I got in a fight,” Sam explained, “but if you sat through classes with that idiot, day after day, listening to his constant teasing...” Sam shook his head, looking near to tears.

Naomi fell prey to Sam’s puppy-dog eyes just like they all did. “Oh, Sam.” She hugged him tight. “I’m sorry. It’s this school. This neighborhood.” She cupped his cheek in one hand. “I know we have no idea what you all go through every day. The little bits I hear sometimes make me want to cry. Try to keep your temper under control.”

Sam nodded. She walked back to the couch, hugging Castiel.

“Love you, Mom.”

“I love you. You do worry me though.” She gave him a sad smile.

“So...is Cassie really grounded?” Gabe asked.

Naomi sighed, exchanging a look with Mary. “All this fuss to see Dean graduate.”

“Oh, thank God he’s finally graduating!” Mary sighed. “No one has been in more trouble than Dean. Not even Gabriel.”

Gabe wisely let that go without a retort.

Naomi laughed. “Fine. You aren’t grounded. But I expect perfect behavior for the next week and a half of school.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Castiel, Gabe, and Sam said.

Their mom went back to work while Castiel and Gabe went over to Sam’s.

Once in the confines of their hangout room in the basement, Sam turned on Castiel.

“Thank you.” He hugged him tight.

“It’s no problem, Sam.”

“It’s all kind of problems! But I swear I’ll make it up to you!”

“Stop. I want you to be able to go. He’s your only brother.”

“No, he’s not. You’re my brother too. Now you can’t go. And I got you in big trouble at school.”

Castiel grinned, warmed at the thought. “Thanks, Sam. But Dean would be really upset if you weren’t there.”

Sam nodded. They might not have much. Money was always tight. They didn’t have the coolest clothes or the best electronics. But they had each other. And even though Dean didn’t necessarily hang out with them, he did spend time with Sam. And Sam, not that he would admit it most days of the week, loved his brother more than anyone.

 

*************************************************

 

Castiel finished his last final of the year in in-school-suspension. He had been in the same small room for a week now. Today, he was joined by Luc. Luc lived a block away. He was the one with a baby.

Principal Henriksen left the room again to handle a situation.

“So... what brings you to my cage?” Luc grinned.

Castiel glanced out the door, seeing the principal was quite busy. “A fight.”

“Ooohh,” Luc grinned a little wider. “Didn’t know pretty boys like you got all rough and tumble.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. Luc was a year older than him, but had flunked into his grade. There had been a time or two when he thought Luc was pretty hot. But his asinine behavior always turned him off.

“How’s the baby?” He asked instead of being lured in to Luc’s taunting.

His face softened. “He’s adorable. He’s three months old now. He does this little babble thing...” Luc grinned with a faraway look in his eyes.

It was enough to make Castiel grin. He knew Luc wasn’t all bad. It was just that usually bad was all you got. “What’s his name?”

“Jack. I think he knows his name too. When I say it, he looks at me all cute and squishy-like.”

Castiel grinned a little wider. “Does he live with you?”

“Sometimes. When his tramp of a mother wants a break, she leaves him with me. I’d just keep him. I hate when she turns up and takes him away.” A sad look crossed is face.

Castiel could not imagine dealing with such issues. He also could not imagine having a child and not being in control of whether he could have it or not. “Is there anything you can do to keep him?” Castiel asked.

Luc shrugged. “What judge would take a kid from their mother and give them to a no-good Smitty like me?” 

Castiel felt for the guy. It was rare in Castiel’s life that a father wanted to be a good one. Most of the dads he knew or knew about were so hands-off that it left a terrible taste in his mouth. “Maybe when you graduate. Do you have a job? That would show you’re at least stable.”

Luc looked at him. Really looked at him. “I always knew you were a decent guy, Novak. Yeah. I have a job. If I don’t get fired.”

Castiel moved a seat closer. “Why would you get fired?”

Luc shrugged with that tilted smile he so often wore. “Short temper. I tend to get a liiiiittle mouthy.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “When you get angry, just think about Jack. Remember that you’re there for him. Not just for yourself.”

Luc nodded slowly. “I’ll try. I get a bad rap, you know? Everyone expects the worst of me. I just...feel like I need to deliver. Ya know?”

“You know you are more than a ‘Smitty’. The only person who defines you, is you.”

Luc grinned, his smile sobered and he nodded. “Thanks. You’re right. You’re a smart guy.”

Castiel grinned, moving back to his seat. It was an unexpected conversation with unexpected responses. He glanced back at Luc, wondering if maybe there was a lot more to Luc than he had thought.

Luc gave him a sly grin with heavily lidded eyes.

Castiel blushed, turning back to his desk. Surely Luc wasn’t flirting with him.

He focused on the book he was reading. It was as if he could feel Luc’s presence like a beacon of heat behind him. Maybe Luc was just messing with him. Or maybe not. He read the same page three times before the end of the day bell rang.

“Mr. Novak,” Principal Henriksen boomed, “I hope I don’t see you in here again.”

Castiel nodded.

“Luc,” he said, with distaste, “see you bright and early Monday morning.”

“Looking forward to it,” Luc smiled.

The pair left suspension together, heading for the door. “You need a ride home?”

“No, I just walk,” Castiel said, feeling a nervous prickle race through him.

“No, I just walk,” Luc mocked. “Come on, Novak! Live a little! I’ll drive you straight home!”

Castiel bit his lip. “My brother would be worried.”

“Oh,” Luc grinned, his voice dipping a little and his smile quirking. “Is that Gabriel?”

“Yeah.” Castiel fidgeted with the strap on his backpack. “I could ride with you on Monday.”

“Are you blushing?” Luc leaned in, still grinning.

“Uh...maybe,” Castiel admitted, feeling his blush grow even redder, not exactly sure how much he was actually admitting to.

“Monday.” Luc winked at him and walked toward the parking lot.

Castiel let out a breath in a whoosh. Luc was a lot. His presence felt humongous. Castiel turned, heading for the typical meeting place by the flagpole.

He joined his friends, heading home. It had been a long week of sitting in the small room. All his hard work for his eleventh-grade year was turned in. What was done, was done. There was only three days of school left for the year, making him feel like summer was sooooo close, yet not here. 

He felt restless in a new way. Distracted and disconnected. The others chatted on about their day, but all he could do was relive the conversations between himself and Luc. 

Maybe Gabriel wouldn’t get to set him up for a date after all. Maybe he would find one himself.

“Cas!”

Castiel snapped out of his musings, looking at Sam. “What? Sorry.”

“I said, Dean asked if you would stop over before he leaves for graduation tonight.”

“Dean?”

Sam laughed. “My brother. Dean.”

“Right,” Castiel stammered. “Why?”

Sam shrugged. He kept talking to Chuck about saving for a car. 

All Castiel could figure, was that Dean had heard about what he had done so Sam could attend graduation. He swallowed thickly, following Sam into his house.

He hesitated at the foot of the stairs. He spent a lot of time in their basement, but he rarely went upstairs. Even most of their sleepovers were down in the basement. Sam just kept going, disappearing into his room. Dean had his own room. The door was shut with a poster of AC/DC on the outside of it. 

Castiel looked back at Sam’s room, but knew he was being ridiculous. He had been in Dean’s room before. Not for long. And never without Sam right next to him. He knocked lightly, not sure what else to do.

Dean pulled the door open and grinned. “Hey, Cas!”

“H-hello, Dean.” 

Dean stepped back. Castiel followed him step for step as if his body was in a trance. Dean had suit pants and a dress shirt on. The dress shirt was open. Had he arrived ten minutes earlier, Dean could have been fresh out of the shower. His hair was still damp.

Dean waved him in a little further and shut the door.

Oh God.

Castiel turned a wide-eyed look at Dean. Why had he shut the door? What was he going to say? Or...do? 

Dean looked down at his socked feet. “Mom told me what you did so Sam could come see me graduate tonight.”

Dean tipped his head up, looking right into Castiel’s eyes. 

He was speechless for a moment. “Oh.”

Dean broke into a slow grin. “You gotta be the best friend a guy could want. You took some serious heat for this!”

Castiel swallowed, feeling his traitorous cheeks start to warm. “I did get to punch Dirk. So.”

Dean’s smile sobered a little, but he definitely saw through Castiel’s simplification. 

He damn-near locked up entirely when those green eyes settled on him with more warmth than he’d seen in years. Castiel’s mouth had gone dry. “He’d do the same for me.”

“Yeah. Probably.” Dean moved over a step, buttoning his dress shirt. “So, you gonna be at the party tonight?”

Castiel’s eyes followed Dean’s hands. It was better than a Russian ballet as they nimbly buttoned up to the collar and swiftly tied a tie.

“Which party?” Castiel asked, licking his lips and turning from watching him so intently.

“Mine, you party animal!”

Castiel laughed. “Yes. Of course. I’m gonna help have everything ready when you get here.”

Dean frowned at that, tying his shoes. “Sucks that you can’t come though.”

Sam had said as much, but Castiel still found it hard to believe that Dean would even notice him there. 

“Yeah. It does.”

Dean stood up, facing the mirror on the back of his door. He pulled his dress shirt up, and unbuckled his belt.

Castiel thought he might faint. He surely stopped breathing. His eyes jumped suddenly to the reflection of Dean’s face. He was staring right at him.

Busted.

Fuck.

Dean did not smile or frown or freak out or make fun of him. He proceeded to tuck his shirt in, looking back at himself with no kind of acknowledgement at all.

Castiel knew he was blushing profusely. He stared down at Dean’s carpeted floor, eventually letting his eyes travel up to his nightstand. There was a picture of his family, dad and all. There was a picture of Dean sitting in the driver’s seat of the Impala with a boss grin. Castiel grinned, remembering the day Dean got his license. Sam was sitting next to him, Charlie by the door. In the back seat, Castiel grinned with Gabe, Chuck, and Jo all squished in with him. It had been a fun day.

Next to that, was a senior picture of Lisa. “I thought you and Lisa broke up,” Castiel blurted. He looked up at Dean and was startled at seeing him fully in a suit. Their eyes met for the second time in the mirror, making Castiel’s breath catch.

Again, no grin, no frown. Dean seemed to consider something. He turned, facing him. “We did. We seem to do that a lot.”

“Are you, are you guys back together?” Castiel asked. At least talking was better than staring at him, he reasoned.

Dean laughed, adjusting his tie.

Castiel’s stomach heaved with butterflies at the sight of Dean in a fucking suit. Shit.

“We are. But I think I should dump her. What do you think?”

“Me?” Castiel was baffled for a one on one audience with Dean, let alone asking his opinion on his love life. “Uh...I don’t like her,” he admitted.

Dean grinned. “She can be a real bitch sometimes. Of course, she’s been puttin’ up with a dick like me for almost a year. Gotta give her credit there.”

Castiel frowned. “She was lucky to have you. She always talks down to you. And... you aren’t a dick. You deserve better.”

Dean snorted a laugh. “Alright, Cas. I’ll dump her.”

Castiel was dumb-founded. What had he just done? Had he just ended a relationship?

Dean stood taller, facing him again. “I look ridiculous. This suit is - “

“You look great,” Castiel asserted, standing. Friends could say that, right?

“I look like one of the Blues Brothers,” Dean frowned.

“No, you don’t. You look very nice.”

A pang of nervousness showed through Dean’s expression. The room was small and they were only two steps apart. Castiel could make out each freckle on his cheeks.

“Are you really breaking up with her?” Castiel asked.

Dean looked up at him. “Should I?”

All Castiel could manage was a head nod.

Dean shrugged. “Done.”

Castiel flushed with embarrassment. He felt mean for suggesting something for his own wants. His unreciprocated wants. “I mean...not tonight. It’s...graduation and she’d be upset and...”

Dean scoffed. “I’m not a total asshole. I’ll wait until next week. Unless she dumps me first. There’s no way we’d make it anyway.”

Castiel rubbed a nervous hand through the back of his hair. Maybe Dean was just messing with him. But he suspected it was more than that. Maybe he just needed a reason. A nudge. If that were the case, he was glad to nudge. He realized with a bolt of self-awareness that Dean was standing there staring at him.

“Thanks for making sure Sam could come tonight.”

Oh God.

Dean smirked a little grin, stepped forward and hugged him. “Means a lot to me.”

Oh, sweet Jesus. Castiel hugged him back. They were closer in height than the last time he had hugged Dean. He felt just as solid. Just as good.

Dean pulled back, one hand resting on the back of his neck with a few fingers swiping through his hairline. “You know we’re family, right? Like brothers.”

Castiel’s jaw gaped. Here he was, held in the crook of Dean’s arm, his hand on the back of his neck. So, so, so, close. And... brothers? Oh no.

“Yeah,” he managed. If he turned just a little, tiptoed just a little, he could kiss him. For a wild second he contemplated it. He didn’t want to be brothers. Not with Dean. He wanted more. So much more!

And the brief moment was over. Dean moved aside, opening his bedroom door. “See ya tonight.”

Castiel nodded. “C-Congratulations, by the way. On graduating.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean nodded. He headed down the steps and Castiel stood there in the hallway wondering where he was supposed to go. 

Sam came out of his room wearing a suit. “You still here? Geez, what did Dean want? Blood?”

Castiel grinned, stepping aside to let Sam lead the way down the stairs. “He just wanted to thank me.”

Sam nodded. 

“I should go. See ya tonight!” Castiel grabbed his backpack and headed for home. He needed to breathe for starters. That had been a lot to process.

 

***************************************************

 

Castiel rolled over in bed the next morning when he woke. Gabe was still sleeping, mumbling something about butterscotch.

He rolled back toward his wall, thinking about last night. Dean’s party had been a wonderful excuse to just watch him. It was his celebration, after all. Watching Dean with his mom and Sam left warm sensations in his chest. Seeing Dean in a cap and gown had been an unexpected mixture of feelings. He had looked so relieved and happy to have high school behind him. He also looked incredibly adult. While it excited Castiel to see these hints of change, it also made him feel further from him. 

They were different now. More so than before. He wasn’t just ‘the older brother’ or ‘in the class ahead of them’. He was an adult. Graduated. Castiel was still in high school. It seemed a ravine they would never be on the same side of. 

Dean was bound to move on with his life. He already had a good job. He might be breaking up with Lisa, but he never stayed single long.

Not with that devilishly handsome grin and that hot ass.

Castiel grinned into his covers. 

He had better put Dean out of his thoughts again. It only left Castiel sad when he really thought about it. Knowing it was never to be.

 

****************************

 

Monday was near impossible to get up for. They had three pointless days of school to sit through. It seemed just as bad for the teachers as it did for the students. Most of his teachers showed movies that day.

Lunch was rowdier than usual. Everyone was excited for summer. Castiel sat in his usual spot. All his friends were in the opposite lunch period except Kevin. He and Kevin were discussing what video game they should play tonight and whether or not to ban Charlie from playing. She was too damn good at all of them. 

Castiel looked up, surprised when someone pulled a chair out and sat down across from him.

Luc grinned at him. “Am I still taking you home today?”

Castiel had completely forgotten. The conversations they had last week seemed like an eternity ago. He had fallen hard for Dean and packed it all away again in the span of three days.

But there was still life out there to be had. And maybe a taste of something adventurous was what he needed. Luc might only be picking him up as a friend, but Cas really wondered. “Yes! That would be great, Luc.”

Luc’s grin spread. “I’ll find you at your locker.”

Castiel nodded, watching him walk away.

“Why are you riding home with Luc?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t know,” Castiel shrugged. “Didn’t you ever feel like just...putting yourself out there?”

“My mother would kill me if baby-daddy Luc started hanging around. She thinks Gabriel’s questionable.”

“Your mom won’t always be watching every move you make, Kevin. Sometimes you have to live a little.”

Kevin thought a moment. “I’m pretty sure my mom will ALWAYS watch every move I make. She’ll probably follow me to college.”

Castiel shook his head. Kevin was by far the most heavily watched friend he had. He couldn’t hang out half the time because he had to practice cello, or do homework, or work. The guy was really smart, but his mom kept pressure on him pretty heavily.

“Are you guys gonna babysit?” Kevin laughed.

Castiel shrugged with a little grin tugging his mouth. “No idea. Maybe we’ll go get stoned and rob a liquor store.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

The bell rang and the pair gathered their things. “Will you tell everyone I got a ride home?”

“Sure. We’ll come visit you in juvey too.”

Castiel had to laugh. He went to his next class, putting his head down as the teacher started a movie. It had been Castiel’s experience that most tough kids from his neighborhood were only misunderstood. Sure, they might get in more fights. They might look a little rougher around the edges, but they were all just people with reasons for acting the way they did.

Classmates were often surprised when he first started hanging out with Sam and Dean. They were known for fighting. Dean much more so than Sam. But he had been there for many of those fights since. Knew why they happened. Knew that bullies were often just kids acting like assholes because that was all they knew.

Gabriel had gotten suspended several times since ninth grade. He had gotten into a fight with Luc. It was one of the reasons he wasn’t really keen on telling him he was hanging out with Luc today. It had been a stupid fight. And it had been a long time ago. The pair had managed to share space since then, but they certainly weren’t friends.

Castiel had to admit to himself that he kinda liked the thought of hanging out with someone a little on the wilder side. Luc might be just the thing he needed.


	3. Chapter 3

3: 

 

Castiel had cleaned his locker out. His backpack was full of crap that had accumulated all year. There had been a lockdown at school today, lockers had been searched, and he figured he might as well clean it out.

“Ready?” Luc popped up behind him, slamming Castiel’s locker shut for him.

“Yeah!” Castiel grinned. He followed Luc down the hall and out of the building. It was almost hot out today. 

Luc slid a pair of sunglasses on and gave Castiel a grin as he unlocked his tan Ford. “Hop in, Castiel.”

Castiel sat, closing the door. The car smelled of cigarettes and pine. And something sour. He turned to the backseat. It was littered with food wrappers and clothes. But what really caught his attention was the baby seat.

Luc slid in beside him and started the car. He turned to Castiel with that sly grin that always made him grin back. “Where to? Straight home? The Sub? My place?”

Castiel didn’t really want to go home. The Sub was a sandwich and pizza shop downtown that most kids from their school went to. The thought of being alone at Luc’s house honestly made him a little nervous. “The Sub is good.”

“Alright!” Luc grinned. He backed out of the parking space and pulled out of the lot. Castiel felt like he was wearing a huge sign that said ‘Castiel is with Luc!’ 

“I’m surprised Gabriel didn’t have a fit. Honestly, I was expecting some brother shit.”

Castiel studied Luc’s profile for a few seconds. “He’s fine with it. Or he will be. When Kevin tells him.”

“Ooohhh. The sneak away. Can’t blame you there. I have been...not so nice to Gabriel in the past.”

Castiel thought about that for a moment. “Why? What did you two fight about anyway?”

Luc laughed. “I was trying to sell some girls underwear to Uriel.”

Castiel gave him an incredulous look. “That’s...gross.”

Luc pouted. “I know. I can be an asshole from time to time. But, I try to limit it to the weekends now.” He threw Castiel a grin.

Castiel shook his head. He took a deep breath, hoping he wasn’t getting himself into more than he could handle.

They got to the The Sub in just a few minutes. Inside, it was crowding quickly with students.

“You grab a table, I’ll get us drinks,” Luc said. “What do you want?”

“Uh, a Pepsi.” Castiel started to pull his wallet out.

“Just get the table. I think I can swing for a soda,” Luc grinned.

Castiel let his hand drop. “Thanks.” He headed back the narrow space between the counter and stools and booths lining the front window. He took the furthest two-seater booth by the window, sitting to watch the crowd around them. He pulled his phone out, wondering if this was just friends hanging out, or were they on a date?

He had two missed texts.

Gabe- What the hell? Luc? 

Sam- Call me if you need a ride home.

Castiel smirked. He left the texts unanswered, watching Luc head his way.

“Wow. Window seat? Figured you might not want to be seen with the likes of me.”

Castiel frowned. “I don’t care what people think. They’re going to think something anyway. They always do.”

“Little rebel, are we?” Luc grinned.

“How’s Jack?” Castiel asked, not sure what else to talk about.

“Good. He’s at home with my mom. Maybe you can come meet him.”

Castiel nodded. “Sure.”

The waitress brought two sodas and an order of fries to the table. “Well, well. What’s a little angel like you doing hanging out with Luc?”

Castiel recognized her. Meg Masters. She went to their school and lived a block down from him in the worst section of Smitty.

“We’re friends,” Luc said with a bit of mischief. “Be nice, Meg.”

She gave Castiel a once-over look, smirking. She had been in his gym class all year and always seemed to find a way to taunt him. Nothing nasty, more flirty than anything.

She smiled like she knew something he didn’t and left the pair alone. She always smiled like she knew something he didn’t.

They ate their fries and sipped sodas, talking about school, people they knew, and where they worked. It seemed comfortable enough.

After an hour, fries gone and sodas dry, they headed back out to the car.

“I need to stop at a friend’s. You mind?” Luc asked.

Castiel shrugged. “Sure. Who is it?”

“Jo. You don’t know her, I’m sure. She’s a north ender.”

Castiel nodded, buckling his seatbelt. This seemed the part of this adventure that could go wrong or right.

They rode quietly to the other end of town, to a nice house past KU campus. He was not surprised when Luc waved him to come along.

The house was big with its own yard on all sides. It was brick with sharp, new corners and clean, perfect windows. Not something he was used to or familiar with. But this is what he had wanted, right? To get out a little. Live a little. See more than the six blocks that seemed to be his whole world. 

Luc knocked on the door and Castiel worried he might be in over his head.

Jo, a woman with long brown hair, answered the door. “Hey.” She backed up, letting them both inside.

Castiel marveled at the tile entryway and hardwood floors. Everything looked so neat and clean.

He followed them down a hall, through a kitchen and into a family room where a huge TV played music. There were more people outside on a patio and Castiel could just make out a pool in the yard.

“Wanna swim?” Luc grinned, leaning in close.

“No,” Castiel grinned back nervously.

“Hey, we can always come back tonight. The skinny-dipping parties are the best.”

Castiel blushed. Shit.

Luc giggled. “I love when you get all red.”

Castiel did his best to scoff the statement away. 

Luc left him standing at the patio door, going back another hall with Jo. He wondered what they were doing. He kind of didn’t want to know either. He sat on the sofa, not sure what to do with himself.

What seemed like half an hour later, Luc came back to the family room. There were several others sitting on the other sofa, but no one had said a word to him. 

Luc sat down next to him. “Bored yet?”

“No,” Castiel said nervously. “Did you get what you needed, or whatever?”

“I did.” Luc stood up. “Let’s head out before we infect anyone with Smitty-disease.”

Castiel glanced around. Was it that obvious that they were south-siders? What exactly was it that stood out? He followed Luc back to the car.

They got in, heading further out of town. “Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you to the overlook.”

The overlook was a known party spot off the old highway. It overlooked town. That was about all he knew about the place.

“Shouldn’t you be headed home?” Castiel asked nervously. 

“We won’t stay long. Don’t worry, we aren’t partying up here. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.” Luc gave him a sweet smile, settling Castiel’s nerves a bit.

He tried to sit back and enjoy the ride. The woods were a welcome distraction from the usual buildings and urban streets he was used to. Before he knew it, they were there.

Several cars were parked along the cliff edge already. “Looks like some of the regulars are already here,” Luc grinned, getting out of the car.

Castiel got out, inhaling the fresh air that blew from the woods toward town. Luc sat on the hood of his car, looking back at Castiel. He came around the hood, sitting next to him.

“It’s nice up here,” Castiel said quietly.

“You’ve never been here? I’m surprised. Lots of people like those quiet boys in the back of the room.”

Castiel gave him a nervous grin. “Is that who I am?”

“I think there’s more. There always is, with the quiet ones.”

They exchanged a long look. “What are we doing here?” Castiel asked quietly. The suspense was either going to kill him or make him puke.

“Just...hangin’ out,” Luc grinned. He bumped Castiel’s shoulder with his.

“Luc!” A guy yelled, waving at him. 

“Hey!” Luc waved, watching a group of guys walk by.

“Is that Castiel?” One of the guys asked another, the other one nodding. 

“Don’t worry about them. They all think they’re sooo cool.” 

A few turned to look at them. 

“We should give them something to really look at,” Luc said, close to Castiel’s ear.

Castiel bit his lip. Yep. This was a date of sorts. There was no mistaking the look in Luc’s eyes. 

The familiar rumble of an engine broke through the moment. Castiel turned, watching as a shiny black Impala pulled up next to their car.

Castiel knew he wore a look of shock. Dean met his eyes with a rather steely glare. Castiel sighed. This had Gabriel written all over it.

Dean got out of his car, leaning against his door. “Hey. Whatcha doin’?”

Castiel blushed profusely. “Hello, Dean.”

“What are ya doin’ here, Winchester?” Luc grinned, moving away from Castiel slightly.

“Just...came for the view.” Dean pursed his mouth. “What are you doin’ here?”

“Enjoying the view.” Luc looked out over the town.

“Cas,” Dean said sharp, his eyes staying on Luc, “get in the car.”

“What?” Castiel stood. “Why? Dean, what are you doing?”

“I’m takin’ you home.”

Castiel was shredded into several simultaneous trains of thought. He wanted to jump in Dean’s car and lose himself in the smell of leather and the safety of someone who he knew cared about him. And just as badly, he wanted something he knew he could have. Dean was fucking up his first kiss. Luc was into him. He was sure of it.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Luc said, surprising him.

Castiel turned back to Luc. “I don’t have to go.”

Luc chuckled, his eyes moving to Dean, then back to him. “I gotta go pick up diapers and head home. You okay riding back with Dean?”

Disappointment flooded Castiel’s face. 

“Aw,” Luc grinned, sliding off his hood and dropping a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Castiel wanted to lean in and kiss him, but he pulled back instead, letting a teasing grin show. “See you tomorrow.”

He grabbed his backpack from the car as Dean got in his.

“Niiiight!” Luc waved with a grin.

Castiel got into the passenger seat of the Impala. He had never sat up front before.

Dean glared at Luc one last time and backed out, heading back out to the old highway.

“What the hell are you doing hanging around Luc?” Dean snapped.

Castiel studied Dean for a moment. “Why? Did Gabriel send you up here after me?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, like he was an idiot. “Look, if you want pot, you come see me. If you need...anything, come see me.”

Castiel flinched at the harsh tone, then again at himself for flinching to begin with.

“Luc is into some crazy shit, Cas. Stay away from him. Gabe said you left school with him and I just knew he’d drag you up here.”

Castiel sighed, his head dropping back. “Buncha cockblocking dicks.”

“Whoa,” Dean looked at him in shock. “Were you...are you?”

“What?” Castiel demanded. He had been crushing on an unavailable Dean for so long that he was sick of waiting around for the world to change. Luc was available. And interested. And Dean had ruined it.

“Dude, I didn’t want you hangin’ around Luc because of the drugs and other shit he’s into. I didn’t...”. Dean gave him another scowl.

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod...Dean knew. Of. All. The. People. In. The. Whole. Fucking. World.

“Were you two...making out?” Dean stammered.

“No,” Castiel snapped, staring ahead. “You pulled up and ruined it.” His cheeks blushed painfully.

Dean snorted. “Sorry, not sorry. That guy’s a dick. Stay away from him, Cas.”

Ohgod. He knew. Dean knew. Castiel tried to drag a breath of air in as Dean pulled onto the old highway. 

“The guy spent half this school year in juvey. He has a record.”

Dean knew he liked guys.

“You guys aren’t like...officially dating, right?” Dean went on, still scowling.

“No,” Castiel barely managed.

“Good. Jesus, Cas. You can do waaaay better than Luc.”

No, no he couldn’t. And oh God. His secret was out. Dean knew.

“Cas?”

Castiel pawed at the door handle.

“Hey! Whoa, whoa,” Dean clamped one hand on his arm and Castiel jolted as if it were electrified. He gasped for another breath and didn’t understand how Dean could get out of the car to open his door if he were still driving.

“Cas!” Dean shook him gently. “Breathe, buddy. What’s goin’ on? Did you take something? A pill? Smoke something?”

“Dean,” Cas managed. “Shut up.”

Dean backed up as Cas turned to get out of the car. Dean must have pulled over. Castiel had never had a panic attack before, but he was pretty sure that’s what was happening.

And in front of Dean.

God.

His hands were shaking, and he was pretty sure he was going to puke. He managed to get out of the car, leaning against it. He wanted to disappear as Dean rounded the hood and came toward him, concern etched heavily.

Please, God, swallow me whole, he reeled in his mind.

“Did that, did Luc give you anything, Cas?”

“No!” Castiel pulled away from Dean’s grip. “I’m just...freaking out, alright?”

“Alright,” Dean said softer.

Castiel walked over to the guard rail, taking another big breath. “Fuck.” 

Several moments passed. Castiel heard a few cars drive by. There was no way out of facing what was happening here. He turned around with his stomach clenched.

Dean leaned up against his car looking worried more than anything.

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. He looked away but looked back almost instantly. “I’ll be fine.”

Dean nodded slowly. “Soooo...you gotta thing for Luc?”

Castiel sighed. “Maybe.”

Dean licked his lips, pulling his lower one in to bite it. “I didn’t know it was a date, man.”

Castiel wiped a hand down his face. Really? They were going to...talk? “I wasn’t sure myself.” He wanted to fade into the background and disappear. But there just wasn’t anywhere to go.

Castiel pulled in another breath, feeling slightly dizzy. Dean knew. He fucking knew. Dean.

“I wasn’t sure you were into guys,” Dean said quietly.

Castiel froze. He wasn’t sure? That meant he suspected as much. Shit. Shitshitshitshit. He broke out in a sweat again. “Nobody knows,” he managed to whisper. “Nobody.”

Dean nodded. A grin crept onto his face. “I didn’t mean to out you like that, man. I won’t say anything.”

Castiel relaxed slightly. But the damage was done. Dean knew. He was the one he had feared finding out. The one whose judgment he feared the most. Aside from his mother’s. 

His head jerked up sharply when Dean’s hand landed on his shoulder. “Come on, Cas. It’ll be alright. No one is going to care. No one that matters anyway. And if anyone gives you any shit, you just tell me.”

Castiel huffed a laugh. “You gonna be my bouncer, Dean?”

Dean grinned, stepping back. “I will. And I’m gonna start by saying Luc is a douche. Stay away from him, Cas.”

Castiel blushed. But at least he could breathe. “Dean, I’m not...I don’t want to tell the others yet. I will! I just...”

“Dude, you tell people when you’re ready. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Castiel nodded. They gave each other a look of understanding. 

“Come on, man.” 

They got back in the car. Dean pulled back onto the highway. They drove almost home without another word. Almost.

“Ya know it’s gonna be alright when you tell everybody, right? I mean, Charlie went through all this a few years ago. Hell, Gabe just announced he was bi the other night. It’s gonna be fine.”

Castiel nodded.

“But you do it in your time.”

Castiel nodded. “Thanks.”

They pulled into the carport. “There he is,” Benny grinned. “Where you been, man?”

Dean went into some story about picking Cas up from the store. Castiel went straight home, avoiding the group for now. 

No matter what Gabriel tried that night, Castiel refused to speak to him. He rolled over, refusing to even look at him. Gabriel finally gave up, huffing and going to bed.

 

**************************************************

 

Castiel woke early the next morning. He left for school without breakfast and without his friends. He spent half an hour in the library waiting for the bell to ring.

He managed to duck everyone until lunch. Not only was Kevin there, Gabe and Sam skipped a class to see him.

“Cas, where’d you go yesterday?” Sam asked. “Are you mad at me?”

“No, Sam,” Castiel shook his head. “I just felt like hanging out with Luc. He’s not all bad, ya know. He’s trying.”

Gabriel looked unconvinced. And pissed.

“I heard he runs drugs for the north side,” Sam frowned.

“It isn’t just drugs,” Gabriel added. “I heard he was involved in a robbery last year.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Castiel defended. 

Gabriel rolled his eyes, walking away. Sam sat down. “You okay, Cas? Dean wouldn’t even talk to me last night. He wouldn’t say anything about where you were.”

Castiel nodded. “I’m fine. That’s all that matters.”

Sam sighed. “Drop it then, right?”

“Right,” Castiel sighed.

Sam gave him a hesitant grin. 

Cas deflated somewhat, slouching against his friend’s shoulder.

Sam pulled his phone out. “Saw this really funny vine the other day.” He scrolled, showing Cas a clip of a girl. He grinned at the video. Sam scrolled to another one. They passed the time easily and Castiel knew he just needed to talk to his friends. Why was this so damn hard?

 

***************************************************

 

Whether Luc had been chased off by Dean or he was just avoiding him, Cas did not see Luc the last two days of school.

It took three full days of summer break to go by before Castiel worked up the nerve to go back to Sam and Dean’s house. 

It was a rainy day and Castiel had decided he needed to just man-up and get out of his room already. Sam would undoubtedly want to talk about it. Castiel just wasn’t quite ready. He wasn’t ready for his best friends to think of him differently.

“Cas!” Sam exclaimed, sitting up and getting to his feet. 

“Hey, Sam.” They did a half-hug, slap on the back thing and both sat down. To his surprise, Sam didn’t ask anything. 

Castiel looked at the TV. They were watching... “Is this CSI?”

“Yep, the original. Me and Chuck have been watching it the last few days,” Sam answered distractedly.

“It’s so good,” Chuck mumbled.

Castiel settled back into the couch to watch. This is what he needed. Normal, everyday crap with his friends. He heard voices from upstairs, coming down the steps. To his surprise, Dean and Jo came in. Jo usually hung out with them, but Dean did not just come hang out very often. 

He smirked a smile at Castiel, dropping next to him on the couch. “Hey, Cas.” Dean patted his thigh as he settled into the couch.

“H-hello, Dean.” Castiel had to swallow back any noise or overreaction he would have made as Dean’s hand landed just above his knee.

Apparently, Dean was not uncomfortable that he was gay. He smiled at him but saw no sign of him teasing. “They’ve been watching this show for three days now,” he said quietly.

“Huh,” Castiel nodded.

“What is this? Season two?”

“Uh, I think so,” Castiel answered. Every word and every move felt huge. And it wasn’t long before his bow-leg was pressed against his in relaxation.

 

During a break, Sam and Chuck went upstairs to use the bathroom. Jo had left half an hour ago, leaving Cas and Dean alone in the basement. Dean’s hand had only lasted a moment on his leg, but he had never moved any further away.

Castiel swallowed nervously.

“You doin’ alright?” Dean asked.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t seem like it. You’re back to being extra stiff and uptight like when we first met.”

Castiel looked at Dean’s green eyes. “I was...little when we met.”

“I know,” Dean grinned. “And you were uptight as hell. All serious and nerdy. Uptight.”

Castiel had to laugh at the grin on Dean’s face. “You aren’t the most relaxed guy either.”

Dean made a maybe face. “I know how to relax better than you.”

Castiel nodded. That was true. The close proximity to Dean was giving him a giant flutter in his chest.

“Hang out with Luc anymore?” Dean asked, his smile slipping.

“No. You successfully chased him away.” He could move over. He could make room. But the feel of Dean so squished against him was heavenly.

“Good.” They were staring. Eye to eye. Dean knew a lot. But he didn’t know everything. He didn’t know Castiel had been crushing on him for years. And what the hell would he do if he found out? At the same time, he wondered how Dean couldn’t know. He tried to be subtle. He tried not to stare, but damn. Dean was...

Chuck and Sam came back into the basement, arguing about one of the characters on the show.

Castiel looked at them coming into the room, then at the TV, then at his own hands. Anywhere but at Dean.

“Are we on season two?” Dean asked.

“Yep,” Sam and Chuck answered. 

“You work today, Dean?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. In a few hours. Why?”

“I was gonna go to the store for mom. But I’ll wait until you get off.”

“Yay,” Dean sighed. “If anyone had told me how much grocery shopping I would be doing when I got my license, I mighta waited another year to get it.”

Castiel had to laugh at that. He actually knew his way around the nearest grocery store from running there so often for his mom.

And so, the next few hours passed with Dean sitting close enough to him that they were bumping from time to time. And no one else cared or noticed. And Dean didn’t treat him like he was diseased or damaged. 

 

**************************************************

 

Castiel enjoyed his new job. There was a lot to learn. And the hours were all over the place the first week, so he could work each shift.

By the end of the week, he was beat. He was sitting on the couch next to Sam, half dozing off when Dean came in. 

“What season are you on now?” Dean asked with a slight laugh. 

“Four,” Sam answered.

“You guys are obsessed,” he muttered, sitting next to Castiel, patting him just above the knee in greeting.

Castiel grinned at him, not totally exploding into fireworks inside this time.

Castiel managed a shy grin. Dean’s presence took up the entire room. He lost what little thread he had on the show.

 

He jerked awake to the quiet room. Dean’s hand was resting on his thigh. He pulled it away as Castiel sat up. He was sleeping against Dean’s shoulder.

He sat upright quickly. “Sorry!”

“You’re alright,” Dean said sleepily. “You’re making me tired though.”

Castiel gave him an apologetic grin. “I worked third shift last night. I’m beat.”

“I bet,” Dean said quietly.

Castiel noticed abruptly that they were the only ones in the room. Sam, Chuck, Kevin, and Jo had all been here before he dozed off. “Where’d everybody go?”

“I sent them for pizza. They walked to The Sub to pick it up.”

“Awesome!” Castiel grinned. “Sorry,” he said again, thinking about sleeping against Dean’s arm. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. If I did.”

Dean rolled his head, giving Castiel a smirk. “You don’t make me uncomfortable, Cas. I’ve known you too long for any shit like that.” Their eyes were locked into a stare again and Castiel’s mouth dropped slightly when Dean’s hand went back to his knee. “See?”

Ooohhh shit.

“Yeah,” Castiel barely managed.

“Did you tell anybody yet? Your brother?”

Castiel shook his head no.

Dean nodded. “You should.” His hand stayed, hot and strong on top of his knee, squeezing slightly.

Castiel’s eyes grew big. “I... I just need to get more comfortable with myself before I tell the others.”

Dean grinned. “Good idea. Cause you’re jumpy as hell.”

“Well,” Castiel flushed bright red, “You keep touching me.”

Dean looked down at his hand. “I’m just helping to de-sensitize you.”

Castiel had to laugh. “Really?” His nerves were sparking. He had never really talked to Dean on this kind of level before.

“How are you gonna go out if you’re this jumpy and shy?” Dean squeezed his leg again.

“I...” Castiel gasped slightly. “I don’t know.”

“See? You gotta loosen up a little. Otherwise some thug like Luc is gonna take advantage of you.”

“Right...” Castiel barely managed.

“You want me to leave you alone?” Dean grinned.

“No,” Castiel huffed. His leg was on fire from Dean’s touch. His stomach was surging with butterflies.

“Calm down, Cas. Relax.” Dean slid his hand a little, massaging just above his knee.

Castiel shifted slightly, both his hands pulling at his jeans a little. He was hard as a rock and trying to hide it.

Dean patted his leg, his hand sliding to the inside of his knee slightly. 

What else would Dean do in the name of ‘practice’ or ‘de-sensitizing’? He gasped a little breath again.

“Have you ever...” Dean started asking, looking at him.

“No.”

“Have you kissed anyone?”

“N-no. Not since Amelia in fourth grade.”

Dean chuckled. “That doesn’t count. And if I remember correctly, she kissed you.”

A soft laugh burst from Castiel and he squirmed a little more. “It counts. It was...something.”

“So... are you bi? Or...” Dean pulled his hand away, letting Castiel get a full breath.

“No. I’m not bi.”

Dean nodded. “Then you gotta get out there a little. The world’s not as scary as you seem to think it is.”

“I’m not scared,” Castiel said, getting his bearings back.

“Good,” Dean grinned. “And you’ve...held somebody’s hand before?” Dean slid his hand over Castiel’s.

“No,” he squeaked, to his horror.

“Look,” Dean pulled his hand up, intertwining their fingers. “It won’t kill ya.”

Castiel wasn’t too sure about that. His few seconds of composure were not nearly enough to fortify him for such a move.

“See?” Dean squeezed his hand gently. “Still alive.”

His heart was thudding, and his mouth had gone completely dry. He closed his fingers around Dean’s, marveling at the closeness from just a pair of hands. “Yeah.”

The front door opened upstairs and they could hear their friends and brothers. 

“Just work on loosening up, Cas. It’ll all be a lot more fun if you can, ya know, breathe and enjoy it.”

Castiel drug a breath in, watching how Dean’s eyes sparkled with what he guessed was mirth. “Right.” He took another breath, letting his arm relax. Their forearms lay together, joined by their clasped hands. He swiped a thumb over Dean’s hand and let a shaky smile loose.

The basement door opened, and Dean’s eyes flicked to the top of the doorway. He let go, jostling Cas slightly with his elbow.

Castiel tried to get rid of his blush, pulling his hand onto his own lap. 

Dean got up. “Man, that smells good. I’m starved.”

“Thanks for springing for pizza,” Sam grinned, sitting three boxes on the coffee table.

“Yeah, Dean-O,” Gabe grinned. “What’s with the charity? Afraid we’re gonna starve down here?”

“Afraid your asses will become one with the couches and I’ll have to water you guys like house plants.” Dean pulled open the lid to the nearest box. 

It was as if none of it had happened. And Dean had been right. He had lived. His heart still beat, and he was breathing on his own. 

A smile slid onto his mouth and he reached for his own piece of pizza. The world had not ended. Time had moved right along like the unthinkable hadn’t just happened. And no one knew.

No one but him. And Dean.

 

********************************************************

 

A week of work and lazy summer hanging out slipped by until Castiel found himself alone with Dean again.

Charlie and Chuck had gone upstairs to look at something on Sam’s computer. Gabriel was out back on the phone. And the two of them were alone.

There had not been an open seat by either of them, putting them on separate couches.

Castiel gave Dean a shy smile.

Dean, catching it, got up, phone in hand. “Have you seen this?” He sat next to Castiel, showing him a gif of a puppy that couldn’t run right. The song with it made Castiel start to laugh.

“Look at ‘im!” Dean laughed.

The puppy bounded around awkwardly, and the song made it all the more funny. They both laughed. When the video ended, Castiel found himself exactly where he had been wishing he could be all week. Tight against Dean, shoulder to shoulder, leg against leg.

“Dean, did you...did you help Charlie work through this?”

“This?” Dean grinned. “No. Well, I kissed her once because she asked me to. I think it was a last-ditch curiosity. But we were like...fourteen. Thirteen, maybe. Other than being her back-up, I wasn’t really the kind of help she needed.” Dean smirked a grin. “Why?”

Castiel shrugged. “I... just wondered. I appreciate the help. The other day, I mean.”

Dean grinned. “You got a hot date lined up?”

“No,” Castiel looked down bashfully. “But I think it helped. What you did.”

“This?” Dean took his hand.

“Yeah,” Castiel answered somewhat breathless.

“I don’t know, you’re still lookin’ pretty nervous,” Dean grinned.

“I can’t help it,” Castiel grinned, wrapping his fingers tightly into Dean’s.

“You just gotta act like it’s no big deal.” Dean let go of his hand. “Just...like, hey, can I hold your hand?” Dean batted his eyes ridiculously, taking Castiel’s hand again.

Castiel laughed, holding his hand back much quicker.

“See, you’re getting better.”

Castiel nodded. It was true. The swarm of butterflies weren’t enough to make him puke today. He just felt extremely heightened and aware of every move Dean made.

“We are pack animals, ya know,” Dean said, scrolling through videos with his free hand. “It’s pretty natural to want to be with people. Touch people.”

Castiel nodded. Was it natural to want to melt into him? To push that phone away and kiss him? Was it natural to dream about him at night? 

They watched a few more videos. The laughter made it easier to not think about Dean’s warm, calloused hand being wrapped around his so tightly.

“Why do people do this shit?” Dean laughed at a video of a pair of kids sliding down a roof and almost into a pool below.

“I don’t know,” Castiel sighed, his head tipping over to rest on Dean’s shoulder.

“This one’s hilarious,” Dean said quietly, holding his phone over for him to see the video of a bird playing with a lid.

Castiel grinned up at him, never having been so cuddled up to someone like this before. Dean looked down at him at the same time. Their grins both faltered slightly, sliding into something shyer. 

Dean sat up a bit. He could hear the others above them in the kitchen. 

Dean gave Castiel’s hand a squeeze. Castiel sat up, looking at him shyly.

“You’re doing better, Cas. Not so...uptight. Tell ya what. Next time you want to practice, you make the first move.”

Castiel’s eyes widened.

“Gotta get you braver somehow, right? I mean, you might be the one making the moves, rather than waiting on them to do it.”

Castiel nodded. “So... I can just...”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, letting go of his hand and getting up.

Castiel flushed with embarrassment but nodded. “Okay.”

Dean went upstairs, disappearing for the rest of the night. 

Castiel was buzzing the rest of the night. He even beat Sam at a round of Mario Kart, which never happened. He felt more confident. Braver. Excited. Definitely excited to try something new.

 

**********************************************

 

Castiel was almost home when a car pulled up next to him.

“Well, hey there.”

Castiel had not seen Luc since they were at the overlook. He leaned down to the open passenger window. “Hello, Luc.”

“How’ve you been?” 

“Busy. Working. How about you?” Castiel only felt a faint flush creep into his cheeks.

“Working. Doing the dad thing.” He pointed a thumb over his shoulder at the car seat. Castiel could just make out a pair of little bare feet in the backward-facing car seat.

“Hello, Jack,” Castiel grinned. “That’s great, Luc!”

“Yeah. I’ve had him all summer. Who knew the best birth control was to have a baby.”

Castiel laughed, grinning at the crinkles around Luc’s eyes as he laughed too.

“You gotta come over some time, man! Or I could come by.”

Castiel nodded. He could not imagine his mother’s reaction if a baby were in the house though. She would flip out and lecture him on his choice of friends.

“I could come over tomorrow before work.”

“Yeah? I’d like that.” Luc nodded, his eyes drifting down Castiel’s neck and chest. “You know where I live, right?”

“The old colonial with the blue porch, right?”

“Yep. Apartment D.”

“See you then, Luc.”

Castiel stood up, stepping back from the car. Luc gave him a wink before pulling away.

He wondered what Gabe, Sam, and Dean would have to say about this. He really didn’t want to know. But Luc could really use a friend. At least he was trying to be a dad.

 

***************************************

 

“Where you going?” Gabe asked, following him down the steps.

“Nowhere,” Castiel lied, heading for the kitchen to eat a sandwich.

“You work tonight?” Gabe asked, pulling a soda out of the fridge.

“Yeah. You?”

“Yep.” He guzzled half the can, belching loudly. “Soooo, it’s June 15th. Know what that means?”

Castiel knew exactly what that meant. “I have a date today.”

“Really.” Gabe looked totally unconvinced. “With who?”

Castiel focused on the turkey he was layering on his sandwich. “I’m not telling.”

“What, are you five?” Gabe scoffed. “Who is it?” His grin was getting more eager.

Castiel refused to answer.

“Lemme guess. Is it Rosy Palm and her,” Gabe counted each finger up, “five sisters?” He made a lewd masturbation movement with his hand.

“No, Gabriel.”

“Mm.” He watched the sandwich construction. “Is it with a guy?”

Castiel froze only a few seconds, heat flooding his cheeks.

“I thought so,” Gabe grinned. “Why you holdin’ out on me, bro? I tell you everything.”

“You tell everybody everything.”

“I’m good at sharing!” Gabe deflected with a wide grin.

“I’m going over to a guy’s house. It might not really be a date. I’m not sure.”

“Soooo...you bi-curious? Or is this your first step out as an official gay citizen?”

Castiel fought the blush but it was useless. Gabe just waited.

“I’m...gay.”

Gabe glanced up at the ceiling. “No lightning strikes! And you ARE still breathing! Was that so hard?”

Castiel blinked, still weighing just how hard that had been.

“Say it again. Like you actually know what you’re talking about and not reading a prompter.”

Castiel had to crack a smile at his relentless brother. He took a deep breath. “I’m gay.”

“You go boy!” Gabe laughed.

Castiel shook his head. “You knew. Didn’t you?”

He shrugged. “I thought maybe.”

“Has anyone said anything? Do people ask you if I’m gay?”

“No. No one has ever asked me. But I do share a room with you. I know you better than anyone. Mom included. I can see when your brilliant blue eyes take a liking to someone.”

Castiel shook his head. “I’ve known for a long time. I just wasn’t comfortable talking about it.”

Gabe nodded. “I’m not gonna say anything, Cassie. That’s your business to share when you’re ready.”

Castiel looked up at his brother with a warm grin. “Do you promise?”

“Promise.”

“I’m just trying to figure some things out before the whole world knows.”

Gabe nodded, drinking his soda while Castiel put food away. “What do you think mom will say?”

Gabe shrugged. “Not sure on that one. She can be so uptight. But...she loves you.”

Castiel nodded. “I just don’t want her to be disappointed.”

Gabe grinned. “At least you won’t be getting anyone pregnant.”

Castiel stifled a laugh at that. “No. I won’t be.”

“Sooo...you ever kissed a guy?”

Castiel blushed. “No. I’m...I’m trying to...”

“Get this all figured out. I got ya. Just... be careful. Use protection.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, walking out of the kitchen with his plate. Gabriel stopped him with a firm hold on his shoulder. “I’m serious. And you call me if you need anything.”

Castiel nodded. “I’ll be careful.”

“I got condoms in my LEGO box.”

All the seriousness drained from Castiel’s face. “You keep condoms in your box of LEGOs?”

“Mom never looks in there! She thinks it’s cute I still have toys!” The pair laughed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. I’m a day late posting aaaaand you’re gonna love/hate me for this chapter. Love ya! <3

4: 

 

Castiel found his way to apartment D. He knocked on the door, nervously adjusting his shirt collar.

Luc opened the door. “Hey!”

“Hi!”

“Come on in! I know it’s not much to look at, but hey, it’s home.”

“This is great,” Castiel smiled. It was small and dark. It was somewhat messy, but nothing dirty or gross. There were no nice views out the windows to comment on, so the pair exchanged a slightly awkward grin.

“I was just getting ready to take Jack for a walk, but he pooped out, literally, and now he’s sleeping.”

Castiel grinned. “Where is he?”

Luc pointed to the couch. There, sleeping on a blanket, was the tiny bundle. Castiel drew closer with a growing grin. “He’s got blonde hair, like you,” Castiel whispered.

“Yeah,” Luc nodded. “Set of lungs like me too.”

Castiel stared at the sweet face with a tiny fist curled up to his mouth. His little legs were bent up, making his tiny, diapered butt stick up. He was wearing a one piece outfit and Castiel grinned at the random thought that he wished he could see his little bare feet again.

“Want a drink?” Luc asked.

Not wanting to disturb the baby, he came around the couch to the kitchen area. “Sure.”

“All I got is water, coffee, and beer.”

“Water’s fine.” The pair sat at the table. Luc opened a beer, taking a long sip.

“Your mom lets you drink beer?” Castiel asked, unable to imagine having a beer in front of his mother.

“She doesn’t care.” Luc shrugged.

“Does she like being a grandma?”

“Probably not. She hasn’t said much about it, really. She’s annoyed she has to help take care of him when I’m at work or school. My brother Michael has a kid too. But I guess he’s better than me because he graduated high school first. Got a job. Then a place. Then a girlfriend and a kid.”

Castiel nodded. “It’s only a year left of high school.”

“Yeah,” Luc scoffed. “If I make it. I should just quit and get a job. It’d be better. I could get out of here faster.”

“You should definitely graduate.”

Luc gave him a long look. Like he wanted to hear that but didn’t quite believe it either. They talked for over an hour before a snuffling cry got their attention.

Luc got Jack’s diaper changed and put him in a stroller. Castiel helped him get it down the steps and they went for a long walk.

Castiel found he fretted over things like bugs, too much sun, and whether or not Jack was hungry or thirsty. Luc seemed amused more than anything, chuckling at Castiel fussing with the blanket.

“You can babysit anytime,” Luc offered.

“I would,” he smiled back. “He’s a really good baby.”

“Of course, he is! He’s gonna be like his Pops! We’re gonna rule the world together!”

Castiel laughed.

As they headed back to Luc’s apartment, Jack started getting fussy. They carried him back up to the second floor. “He just needs a bottle,” Luc said loudly over the crying. “Here. Can you just hold him for a few minutes?”

Castiel, eager to hold him anyway, took him with a grin. He cradled the mad, squirming little baby gently in his arms, pacing the living room and walking with a bounce in his step. He whooshed and made faces and Jack settled to a whine.

“You’re good with kids,” Luc grinned, handing him a bottle.

“Oh.” Castiel took the warm bottle, not sure how to go about feeding a baby.

“Here,” Luc grinned. He took the bottle, turning it upside down, putting it back in Castiel’s hand. “Like this.” He guided Castiel’s hand, so the bottle touched Jack’s mouth. He pulled it back slightly, letting Jack settle for a second and then let him have it. He tipped Castiel’s elbow up a little and angled the bottle for the best flow.

“There. You’re a natural.”

Castiel watched as Jack drank greedily, his hands batting at the bottle with little to no grip. His eyes blinked, and he stopped sucking long enough to take a big breath. Little moans and noises made Castiel grin.

“He’s so cute!” Castiel looked up at Luc, seeing a warm grin on his face.

Luc leaned in, kissing him.

Castiel, shocked and caught off guard, gasped, bumping his mouth and almost dropped the baby. He pulled back from Luc’s hard mouth, bumping his head when he looked down to re-cradle the baby.

“S-sorry, I... wasn’t expecting that,” he muttered, keeping his eyes on the baby.

“You are reeeeaally new at this, aren’t you?” Luc grinned crookedly.

“Uh...yeah.” Castiel knew he was blushing profusely.

Luc giggled. “You’re so... sweet. Maybe we can get this guy to sleep and... I can show you a few things.”

Castiel swallowed hard. The bottle was more than half gone and Jack was blinking sleepily. It wouldn’t be long. He could run. He could say he wasn’t ready. Yeah, he really wasn’t quite ready. Or... he could... learn something new.

“You look scared out of your mind,” Luc grinned with a slightly predatory glint.

“I’m just... I’ve never...”

Luc giggled again. “You get junior there to sleep, and I’ll reward you for your hard work.”

Castiel felt a rush of cold wash over him. He felt so jumbled and rattled inside. He wanted to kiss him. Wanted to try it. But Luc seemed awfully forward. He wasn’t ready for much more than a kiss. And Luc didn’t seem like the type to stop with just a kiss.

Luc stepped back, sitting on the couch, watching him like a cat watching its prey.

Castiel focused on Jack, watching him eat hungrily. What was he going to do? His brain seemed to stop working, caught quite frozen between running and going for it.

Jack dozed off, the almost empty bottle falling from his slack mouth.

“Now you have to burp him,” Luc grinned. He got up, taking jack and a burp cloth. He put him on his shoulder, patting his back.

“Sit,” Luc grinned, nodding at the couch.

Castiel sat. Just how far was he willing to let Luc go? He watched as the baby burped, fussed for only a few seconds and went to sleep. Luc disappeared into one of the bedrooms and came back out with a confident grin on his face.

He pulled Castiel up to his feet and kissed him. His mouth fought to pry its way into Castiel’s. Unsure and knowing he was lousy at this, Castiel opened his mouth, tilting his head. Luc’s hands smoothed down his back and cupped his ass with a moan.

Castiel wanted to want it. He gasped at his ass being squeezed. The kiss felt choppy and hard. The intrusion of Luc’s tongue was more than he could take.

Castiel pushed back, Luc pulling away with a hungry grin. 

“Stop,” Castiel whispered. “I...”

“You are sweet as sugar,” Luc grinned, trying to kiss him again.

Castiel stepped out of his arms, turning to avoid the kiss. “I gotta go.”

Luc giggled again. “So shy!”

“Yeah,” Castiel grinned. “Sorry.”

Luc shrugged. “Next time.”

Castiel nodded, not sure he should be nodding, not sure he wanted to agree to a next time but feeling quite overwhelmed with it all. “I gotta...go,” Castiel nodded.

“Bye,” Luc sang back softly. He opened the door and Castiel waved.

He jogged down the steps and walked quickly the whole way home. He yelled a quick hello to his mom, bypassing her completely to head up the steps and shut himself in the bathroom.

He turned the water on, brushed his teeth and contemplated getting a shower. Mini jack-hammers drilled away at his stomach as he sat on the counter with his feet on the closed toilet. 

His mind teetered back and forth between the rush of wanting to retry what he was sure was a disastrous kiss and the shock of what he had just done.

Elbows on his knees and hand on his head, he took a deep breath. He was fine. He kissed a guy. It wasn’t nearly as beautiful as he thought it might be. But that had probably been his fault. He had totally botched it. Luc probably thought he was such a child. The look on his face when he said he was ‘new at this’ made his stomach twist. He probably thought he was laughable. 

Memory of his butt being grabbed made chills run through his body. Alone with thoughts, he couldn’t figure out if it was fear or lust.

A knock on the door rattled him from his thoughts. “What?”

“Thought that was you,” Gabe said. “Whatcha doin’?”

Castiel flung his hands out in frustration. Only Gabriel would ask what someone was doing in the bathroom.

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

He brushed his teeth again, washed his face off and headed into his room. It was already late.

“Soooo...deets?”

Castiel sat on the edge of his bed. He knew he looked worried. “I kissed him.”

“Yeah?” Gabe chuckled. “Was it gross? Was it okay? Are you in looooove?”

Castiel grinned, his stomach easing. “I am not in love. It was...I don’t think I did a very good job.”

Gabriel nodded with a grin. “Only one way to get better, Cassie. Practice makes perfect.”

Castiel nodded. “He seemed to want more...but I just wasn’t ready.”

“That’s okay! Go at your own pace, dude. He’s probably eagerly awaiting more. What was his name again?”

Castiel smirked. “Nice try. But no.”

Gabriel flipped his comic book open again. “As long as it isn’t Luc, we’re all good.”

Castiel pressed his mouth together. He busied himself getting ready for work. No need to get into this argument. No one understood Luc like he did.

 

****************************************************

 

Castiel was scrolling through videos on his phone when Dean sat next to him on the couch. 

“Did you chase everyone away?”

“I did,” Castiel grinned at him.

Dean raised an eyebrow in surprise. Usually his answers to Dean were stammered or short. But he felt a bit more comfortable with him now. Like they were at least some sort of friends. Or friendlier than they had been.

“Why? They driving you crazy?”

“Nah, I knew you were coming home soon. So...” His face flushed immediately and his eyes danced away to anywhere other than Dean.

Dean laughed. “I bet.”

Castiel looked down at his phone shyly. “They went to rescue Kevin from his mom. Trying to get him over here for the night.”

Dean smirked. “You stayin’ here tonight?”

Castiel’s insides froze. This was one of those dumb moments where Dean said something mundane and Castiel wanted to build a fucking rom-com out of it. “Yeah.”

“I’m headed out with Benny.”

“Guess he’ll be here soon,” Castiel said, a little too breathless.

“He’s not here yet,” Dean grinned, holding his hand out.

Castiel grinned wide and happy. He took Dean’s hand, resting them on his own thigh. He was supposed to have done this on his own, per Dean’s last challenge. He was thankful for the mercy move.

“You been holding anyone else’s hand?” Dean teased, bumping his shoulder with his.

“No,” Castiel grinned shyly.

“I bet Chuck would hold your hand. Or Benny.”

“No!” Castiel gasped, squeezing Dean’s hand a bit more possessively. “Have you told Benny? Or anybody?”

“No. And ruin my street cred?” Dean laughed. “Besides, I’ve been kinda chasin’ after this girl named Brooke.”

Castiel wanted to pout. But he didn’t. “Does Brooke know you have a secret side project?”

“Uh. No! That would go over real well. Hey Brooke, I know you don’t know me that well, but, I have this gay friend who’s paaaaainfully shy. Mind if we hold hands from time to time?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I just wondered.”

Dean shook his head like Castiel was silly. 

Castiel didn’t want Dean to see him that way. “Well, don’t tell her, because she’d be sad to know that I hold hands better than her.”

Dean laughed, squeezing Castiel’s hand softly. “I’ll be sure not to tell her.”

“She’d be jealous.”

Dean nodded, still grinning.

The door upstairs opened. “That’s probably Benny,” Dean said quietly.

“I hate Benny,” Castiel sighed, letting go of Dean’s hand.

Dean laughed.

“And Brooke. For the record.”

“Knock it off,” Dean laughed again.

Castiel laughed too, but a major portion of him meant it.

 

****************************************************

 

“Heard you went on a date.”

The statement made chills run down Castiel’s neck so hard he stifled a gasp. It wasn’t the words so much as Dean’s voice in general. And so near his ear and neck.

“I did. Did Gabe tell you?” 

“He did. Don’t worry, he didn’t say it was with a guy. Just some mystery date.”

Everyone had been outside all day having a cookout in the Winchester’s backyard. Dean was cleaning the grill and Castiel had offered to take the trash to the curb. The others were all in the basement. He had been lost in thought, sitting on the curb when Dean had snuck up on him.

Castiel stood, following Dean back to the grill under the carport.

“So... how’d it go?” Dean looked up at him as he scrubbed the bars of the grill. It still baffled him at times that Dean cared at all about his insignificant self. He could be hanging out with other kids his age. Or a girlfriend. But today had been a family day. It was Fourth of July weekend. Their moms both worked tomorrow on the fourth, so they had their annual cookout today.

“It was okay. I... uh... kissed him.”

Dean looked up, looking a little surprised. “Really? You kissed him?”

“Well, I suppose he kissed me.” Cas smirked. “Twice.”

“Ooohh. Moving pretty fast.”

“Is it fast?” Castiel asked, stepping closer to talk more quietly and keep it between them. “I felt like it was too much, too fast. But I thought I was just being...stupid.”

Dean had stopped, listening to him carefully. “It’s not stupid, Cas. And with your first relationship, it’s pretty fast. You should only go as fast as you want to. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.”

Castiel nodded. “I... I stopped him. It was...I think he wanted to go much further than I was ready for.”

Dean’s look was growing more serious. “Did he pressure you for more?”

“No,” Castiel shook his head. “I just feel so...god, I can’t believe I’m even talking to you about this shit.”

Dean grinned, looking back at the grill. “So, was it good? Is the guy a 10 or what?”

“No. The kiss was... messy. Unorganized.”

“Unorganized?” Dean laughed. “Dude.”

“I mean...I messed it all up. I didn’t know it was coming and then when I did, I kinda...pulled back.”

Dean gave him a perceptive look. “It’ll get better.”

“I don’t think so. I think I’m doomed. It kinda freaked me out. I don’t know. Maybe I’m asexual.”

Dean gave him an amused and doubtful look. “You aren’t asexual.”

Castiel scoffed. “How would you know.”

Dean nodded at his own thoughts, scrubbing the grill extra hard with a frown. “Trust me. You’re not. He just doesn’t sound like the right guy.”

“Maybe,” Castiel said softly.

“How many times have you two been out since then?” Dean asked, less enthusiasm this time.

“None. I’m still kinda freaked out.”

Dean stopped again. “He hasn’t called? At all?”

Castiel shook his head.

“Is it a big secret? He doesn’t want to get caught?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Guy sounds like a jerk. He shoulda called to make sure you were good. What’s with you liking jerks, anyway?”

Castiel shrugged. “Guess I have a type.” He forced himself to hold a bit of a stare-off with Dean.

Dean shut the lid to the grill, gathering his brushes to rinse them with the hose before taking them in.

“Thanks for letting me...talk to you about this. It all still sorta freaks me out.” He huffed a nervous laugh. Dean nodded his head, glancing at him, then back to what he was doing. Dean had to think he was the slowest idiot to ever try dating. He knew he was blushing profusely. Why could he never stop blushing. He better leave before he made an even bigger fool of himself.

“Night, Dean,” he said softly, heading down the basement steps.

“Night, Cas.” Dean gave him a cursory glance. If Castiel wasn’t mistaken, Dean looked a little concerned about him.

Why Dean would look troubled after that conversation made no sense to him. Didn’t everyone have a learning curve when it came time to date? He couldn’t possibly be the world’s slowest bloomer. Could he?

He sat heavily on the couch. Sam and Gabe were the only ones left. The others had gone home. 

“You alright?” Sam asked, Gabe catching on and watching his brother a little closer.

“Yeah. No. I don’t know.”

Sam scooted to the edge of his seat, looking at Castiel with concern. “You’ve been so quiet lately. I mean, you’re always quiet. But...what’s goin’ on, Cas?”

Castiel sat there. He wanted to tell Sam. Sam was his best friend. He should know. He wanted him to know. So why was it so damn hard to say?

“I went on a date a few weeks ago.”

Sam looked at Gabe, realizing Gabe already knew whatever Cas was talking about. “Yeah?”

“With a guy.”

Castiel felt like he had just jumped over a cliff. There was no taking it back. He looked up at Sam nervously.

Sam was still frozen. “A guy?” A grin crept onto his face. “How’d it go?”

“I’m not kidding,” Castiel whispered.

Sam glanced at Gabe, then back to Castiel. “I didn’t think you were. So, how’d it go?”

Floored. Castiel felt shocked. “You knew?”

“That you’re gay? I wondered. I’ve seen you check out my brother a million times.”

Castiel’s face burned with a crimson blush. “What?” It came out strangled.

Sam’s face dropped into concern again. “I never said anything to Dean. I just...noticed. I never mentioned it to anyone. And I don’t care, Cas.” As if he could read Castiel’s thoughts, he went on nervously. “Dean’s never said anything. He doesn’t pay any attention to us anyway. But, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m glad you went out with someone. Who was it?”

“He won’t say,” Gabe added with a smirk. “I think he likes the mystery.”

“It’s not that...it’s just...I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

Sam nodded. “Well, good for you, man.”

Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks.”

“Did you think I was gonna be freaked out, Cas?” Sam asked, looking worried again.

“No. Maybe. I’ve wanted to tell you. I just...”

“You got a crush on me?” Sam batted his eye lashes.

“No!” Castiel laughed, whacking him on the shoulder.

“Why not?” Sam laughed. “I got game!”

“Shut up!” Castiel laughed.

“Well, I think you’re pretty hot,” Gabe grinned, laughing when Sam whacked him. “Those big brown eyes!” Gabe swooned, “and those locks of luscious hair!”

Sam and Gabe dissolved into giggles, Sam shoving Gabe. 

“I said I was bi!” Gabe added, waggling his eyebrows.

“Oh yeah,” Sam blinked. “Well then, let’s get busy.”

Gabe leaned over, putting his hand over Sam’s mouth and kissing his hand lewdly. “Oh, baby!”

Sam shoved him off, still laughing. “Keep it in your pants, Gabe.”

“Fine!” Gabe sat back, looking a little flushed.

Castiel laughed at the pair. He wasn’t sure why he had stressed about telling either of them. He figured it would go something like this. He felt emboldened in his thoughts and feelings. They were both his best friends, after all. Relief flooded him. Maybe his life wasn’t as complicated as he was making it out to be. 

They watched movies late into the night, sleeping in the basement as they often did.

 

Castiel woke in the middle of the night. Sam and Gabe were curled up on the brown sofa, heads at opposite ends. Castiel smirked at the pair of them. Sam had one of Gabe’s feet cuddled to his chest. Gabe had an arm wrapped around one of Sam’s legs. He shook his head, turning the TV off.

He went upstairs to use the bathroom, hearing a TV on in Dean’s room. In a strange wave of bravery, he tapped on the door, pushing it open.

Dean lay on his bed, sound asleep. He wished he could just get in bed and cuddle up to Dean, like Gabe did with Sam. He stepped back out of the room and went back to bed on the couch.

 

***********************************************

 

They all walked to the local park the next evening to watch the fireworks for the Fourth of July. The park was crowded with kids, teens, families, and vendors.

Chuck and Gabe were listening to a band play. Both of them played guitar pretty well. Castiel often told them they should start a band.

Sam, Jo, Charlie, Dean, and he bought hotdogs and sodas, walking around.

Kevin and Benny were hanging out at a big blanket they had brought.

“There’s trouble,” Meg grinned. 

“Hey, Meg,” Dean said.

She was wearing tight black shorts and a red shirt that tied above her bellybutton. 

“Heard you and Lisa broke up,” she practically purred, stepping closer to Dean.

“Yep,” Dean answered, steering Sam away from the group of girls with Meg.

They wound their way through the crowd as darkness set in. They all sat on the blanket, waiting for the show. Too much sun and soda had Castiel feeling sluggish and like he had to pee again.

“I’ll see if I can find Gabe and Chuck,” he said, getting to his feet.

They all gave him a half-nod. He wound his way through the crowd again. He saw Gabe and Chuck across the sea of blankets and people, heading toward the rest of the group.

Already in the thick of the crowd, he decided to go to the bathroom before the fireworks started. The line for the men’s room was long. He waited what seemed like forever. When he came out, the fireworks were already going. 

“You’re missing the show.”

Castiel turned to see Dean waiting for him. “You waiting for me? Or were you hoping to find someone else?”

Dean smirked. “Just you.”

Castiel grinned, feeling a rush of excitement at the very thought. “You didn’t have to come get me.”

Dean nodded. The crowd was so thick, with people gawking at the fireworks, that they couldn’t get four steps without stepping on someone.

“Come on,” Dean waved. “We’ll take the long way ‘round.”

“Sorry,” Castiel muttered, kicking someone accidentally.

“Move, Novak! Freakin’ nerd.” Castiel squinted, seeing some of the football players from school sitting together.

He wobbled a step to get by, steadied by Dean’s hand grabbing him. Dean glared at the lot of players. They wound their way between blankets until they were cutting between two vendor carts. 

Off to the side of the crowd, they could walk much easier and Dean let his arm go. Castiel glanced around. No one was back here, except for a few vendors running around. Castiel sucked in his courage and blew out a breath. He caught Dean’s hand in his.

Dean gave him a startled look at first, but quickly caught on. He glanced around, falling in step beside him rather than in front of him. “Well, look at you gettin’ brave.”

“I am,” Castiel grinned at him. Pops of color lit the sky, lighting Dean’s face in the dark evening. “With you anyway.”

Dean chuckled. “Who’s the mystery guy you had the shitty kiss with, Cas?”

Castiel grinned crookedly. “I don’t kiss and tell. Well, I guess I did, didn’t I?”

Dean laughed, tugging Castiel’s hand. “Maybe next time it’ll be worth talking about.”

Castiel scoffed. “I doubt it. I still think the whole thing is overrated.”

“Overrated? Dude. You’re killin’ me.”

A loud, shrill whine alerted them to another firework blasting above them.

“Why?” Castiel laughed. “I’m not a kid anymore, Dean. Life isn’t a fairytale. It sucks. And then you get old and die. Some people just do it alone. Like me.”

Dean stopped walking, giving him a sad look. A large burst of white showered down, giving Dean a luminous glow. “Your life won’t be like that, Cas. You and my brother, your friends, you all have a lot going for you.”

Castiel let Dean’s hand go, glancing to the side, not really wanting to get into this. “I’m just another Smitty. I’ll probably never get out of here. I could get into a hundred colleges. I just can’t pay for any of them. It’s life, Dean. I could pass a million tests and still fail at life. I could kiss a million guys and still die a lonely man.”

Dean frowned up to the bursts of red and gold fireworks above them. “That’s not what life is for you, Cas. Quit listening to people that put you in a box. You can do whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?” Cas laughed. “You have no idea what I want. This is all...hopeless. I’m hopeless.”

Castiel took a step, wanting away from the topic. Dean grabbed his arm, pulling him back and turning him to face him. A look of real concern had his usually smirking mouth tipped too serious.

Fireworks lit up the sky, lighting their faces in a red glow.

Dean put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders and his other hand slid to the back of his head. His eyes barely closed before their lips met.

Castiel’s hands clung to the sleeves of Dean’s t-shirt, then slid around his back. His mouth was warm and soft. Patient. Castiel gasped a tiny bit, pressing back almost immediately. His chest boomed with a racing heart, echoed by the fireworks. The only similarity to this kiss and Luc’s was that he was shocked by both. But this kiss was soft and warm. Fireworks literally boomed overhead.

It took Castiel’s breath away. The finale boomed with brighter lights and louder bangs. Castiel gasped softly and Dean ventured only the slightest, tasting him, their tongues meeting. Castiel tipped his head and Dean plunged further, his hand fisting the short hair on the back of Castiel’s head.

Dean pulled back, looking down at Castiel. He could feel his lips slightly swollen and his breath racing. His chest flooded with want. Dean’s eyes tracked down his face to his mouth again and he kissed him again, no tongue, but all the passion of a romance novel.

Dean pulled back, looking at Castiel with a bit of shock. The look crowded quickly to one of confidence. “See,” his voice cracked slightly, “you aren’t asexual. And you’re a good kisser. So, it must have been the other guy.”

Castiel stared at him in shock. “Dean.”

“I just needed to show you that life is better than you think. You’ll find the right guy. Especially with a mouth like that.” He gave him a cocky grin and a wink, walking away.

Castiel watched him take a few steps before his feet stumbled into action. “What exactly are you teaching me here, Dean? That I’m gay and okay or that you and me have a chance at -”

“Whoa,” Dean laughed short, not meeting his eye. “If you can’t handle a little lesson on French kissing, then I won’t teach you anymore.”

Castiel nodded. “So, that was...”

“A demonstration that kissing is good, Cas. Quit giving up on stuff so fast.”

Castiel felt like Dean was speaking a different language. Like he was supposed to be understanding something that wasn’t actually being said. All he knew was, Dean had just rocked his world. And he wanted more. Like an addict, he was ready to walk the walk and talk the talk that Dean wanted to hear. Whatever brought him more of this.

“It was...good,” Castiel managed.

“See?” Dean grinned. “I’ll see you guys back at the house.”

Castiel watched with an open mouth as Dean went away from the crowd, taking a side path to head back toward home.

“Oh shit,” he muttered, putting a hand to his mouth. He thought back on what the two had said. What had exactly provoked that? 

It certainly was different than Luc’s kiss. And he felt different. There was no question whether or not he would have gone further or if he wanted more. Yes, and yes.

He glanced up at the smoky sky. The fireworks were over. Gabe and his friends would be looking for them. He wanted to tell Sam and Gabe what happened. He had kissed Dean! But Dean hadn’t really meant it. The moment was not meaningful to Dean. Not life-changing like it was for Castiel.

He began slowly making his way to his friends. He wasn’t a good liar. But he would have to learn how to be. Because whatever it took to get more Dean, was what he was going to do.


	5. Chapter 5

5: 

 

Castiel spent the next month working hard to earn as much money as he could. Dean had taken to ignoring him and not hanging around them. The first time he got a cold pass when it was just the two of them in the hallway, Castiel’s precarious hopes crumbled. That was all it took to start a steady downward spiral that eventually turned into anger. To hell with Dean and his wisdom. He didn’t need the tutoring. No matter how badly he craved it. He went to Sam’s as often as he could, but avoiding Dean wasn’t always easy. Making it look like he wasn’t avoiding Dean was even trickier.

One of these nights, when Dean was downstairs with the rest of them, Castiel couldn’t take it anymore. Sometimes it seemed like Dean would angle to get alone with him, but it didn’t happen. Or they would end up sitting next to each other, bumping arms occasionally, reaching for something at the same time. Dean was hot and cold with these tiny moments. Castiel had had enough. He needed validation. He needed to know that he was worth someone actually being interested in him, not just pretending to be. So, as Dean looked perfectly relaxed on the couch with his legs stretched out over Charlie’s lap as the two giggled over the stupid comedy movie, sharing popcorn...Castiel left. 

“I gotta go. See you tomorrow guys.”

“Where you goin?” Sam asked, giving him a surprised look as he stood up.

“I have a date.”

Sam looked slightly more surprised. “Yeah? Where you goin? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“It’s no big deal. I’m just going to hang out. It might turn out to be nothing.” His nerves were fortified by the fact that Dean was staring at him hard. Good.

Castiel left, before he lost his nerve. He hoped Dean would follow. He might have gone extra slow, hoping Dean would catch up, stop him. Kiss him.

But no.

He crossed the street, skirting around some cops arresting a woman named Ruby that lived two doors down. He tried not to look, keeping a low profile. He cut through an alley and down another, arriving at Luc’s house before he could lose his nerve.

He had no plans to be here. He had just said that to make Dean jealous. He rang the bell.

“Hello?”

“Luc. Hello, it’s Castiel.” Castiel shoved his hands in his pockets nervously. “I...”

“Heeeey!” He could picture Luc grinning though he could only hear him over the speaker. “Come on up!”

Castiel grinned. The door buzzed, and he pulled it open, heading up the stairs. He was even more pleased when Luc stood in his doorway waiting for him. Someone who ACTUALLY wanted to see him!

“Hello, Luc.”

Luc grinned, tipping back to let Castiel squeeze through the door. Just as Castiel got next to him, Luc put an arm up, blocking his way. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Figured I scared you off.”

“I’ve been working,” he said quietly, forcing his voice not to shake and allowed a nervous smile to match Luc’s confident one.

Luc leaned forward, his eyes full of mischief. “Glad you’re back.”

Castiel nodded, stepping into the apartment. He was surprised to see there were several people already here. “Hey,” he said awkwardly, feeling like maybe this was a bad idea. He did not recognize either of the guys there. And one of them looked like he was in his thirties and he was definitely amped up on something.

“I’ll be right back,” Luc said, both guys tipping their chins in response. Luc put a hand on Castiel’s back, steering him back the hall and into what must be his room. A mattress on the floor had blankets tangled on top of it and a sheet half on it. There was a dresser with drawers hanging open and the place was rather messy. In a portable crib, Jack lay there sleeping. His little playpen looked clean and neat. 

Luc closed the door, grinning. “What brings you here?”

Castiel shrugged. “Just wanted to check on you. I haven’t heard from you since the last time I was over.”

He stepped close to Castiel with a hungry look as his eyes ran down Castiel’s length. “Figured I scared you off.”

“No,” Castiel blushed.

Lucifer grinned with a disbelieving chuckle. “You don’t lie very well.”

Castiel blushed, stepping back a little as Luc stepped up to him. He ran a finger down his jaw, taking his chin with his thumb and finger. “Feeling brave today?”

Castiel had come here exactly for this. There was no lying to himself. Luc accepted him readily, at the drop of a hat. So why did he feel like running?

The kiss that came was softer than last time. But nowhere anything like Dean. Luc pressed harder, pushing his tongue inside Castiel’s hesitant mouth. Castiel was caught trying to function and trying to figure out if he even wanted this. Luc’s hand pulled his hair, pulling Castiel away from the kiss.

“You are about the sweetest fucking thing I have ever seen.”

Was that even a compliment? Castiel licked his lips.

Luc let go, backing away. “Hey, since you’re here, I have a teeeeeny weeeenie little favor to ask.”

“What?” Castiel managed. 

“I gotta run my buddies home. Mind staying to watch Jack?” He batted his eyes, putting his hands in a prayer pose with a pout.

“I... sure. I guess I can do that. I mean, I don’t really know what I’m doing with a baby.” He glanced at the crib nervously.

Luc stepped up to him again, his hands gripping his hips. “I think I could get used to you bein’ around here more often. Tell ya what, if you put that baby to bed when I get home, I promise I’ll put you to bed.”

Castiel’s jaw dropped. “No, no. I’m...I’m not here for that. I just came to see you.”

Luc raised an eyebrow. “I think maybe you’re just shy.” His shoulders hunched up and his eyebrows both raised with his impish grin. “Maybe we can just...play.”

Never in his life had the word ‘play’ made his blood run cold.

Jack began to cry.

Luc picked him up, putting him up to his shoulder, patting his back gently. “Think you can help me out?”

Castiel nodded. He took the baby from Luc and took the simple kiss that came with it. 

“Mm,” Luc almost growled as he backed up. “I gotta say, I like the look of you takin’ care of my baby. Does somethin’ for me.”

Castiel blushed. “Luc, I’ll take care of Jack, but when you get back, I have to go. I can’t stay. I’m, um, I have plans.”

Luc nodded. “We’ll see.”

‘We’ll see?’ What the fuck did that mean? He shushed Jack, turning to find a diaper.

“Formula’s on the counter in the kitchen. Thirty seconds in the microwave. And Castiel?”

Castiel turned to look at him. “I wouldn’t leave Jack with you if I didn’t trust you.”

Castiel nodded. “I’ll take good care of him.”

Luc nodded and left.

By the time Jack’s diaper was changed and Castiel had figured out how to redress him, everyone else in the apartment was gone. 

He was relieved. He walked around, rocking Jack gently. Was he out of his mind for being here? Was Luc really as bad as they said? He didn’t seem that bad. Not when it came to Jack. But the kiss today was not much better than the last time. It was NOTHING like kissing Dean. There was a difference between anxiety and fear. He might get anxious and nervous and flustered and shy with Dean...but those feelings never once led to fear.

There was an edge to Luc that made him really nervous. He made a decision as he paced the tiny apartment, bouncing Jack, that what happened today was the last time he was letting anything like that happen with Luc. He would be his friend. He would help with Jack. But he was never getting in that position again. He didn’t like it. And really, that’s what he had come here seeking. An answer. It just sucked that the answer to all his questions lately was no.

By the time Luc got back, Jack had been awake and busy staring at everything and drooling for over an hour. Luc shut the door and grinned. “Hi, my little man!” He took Jack, kissing his little cheeks, making Jack giggle and squeal.

It made Castiel grin.

“How was he?”

“Great. He’ll be hungry soon, I guess. He didn’t eat. He was just...watching everything.”

“Yeah,” Luc grinned at his son. “He does that a lot.” He looked back up at Castiel. “Wanna watch a movie?”

“No,” Castiel said firmly. “I... I’m not interested in a dating kind of relationship with you Luc. I just...wanted to be friends.” He looked up at him nervously.

Luc looked like he wasn’t sure he believed him. “Alright. I get it.”

Castiel sighed with relief. “I gotta go, but...I’ll see ya later.”

Luc nodded. “Stop over any time.”

Castiel headed home. He felt oddly flat about it all. So, he wasn’t into Luc. The cold, hard fact was, he was into Dean. Who wasn’t into him. Even as he thought it, he wasn’t sure he believed it. If he were going to help Jo learn how to kiss...he was pretty fucking sure it wouldn’t feel like his chest was booming out and the fireworks were actually coming from him! 

Fuck.

He’d just avoid Dean and hope the crush would simmer down again.

 

********************************************

 

A week before school was to start, Gabriel started getting antsier about going back. He kept arranging trips to the lake and trips to a nearby amusement park. Castiel had gotten out of the amusement park trip, saying he hated the rides and would only slow them down. He made it up to them by coming to the sleepover that night. Luckily everyone was so worn out, they didn’t notice his avoiding Dean.

This trip to the lake was unavoidable though. A guy’s day trip to the lake was something he loved. He was working the night shift alone at the Gas-N-Sip until they left in the morning. Hopefully no one would begrudge him a nap while they were there.

Dawn broke bright and clear, chasing his hopes for rain away. He waited on a string of early customers when a voice broke him from his boring thoughts.

“Pack of Menthols and some beef jerky.”

“Dean!” His hands immediately became nervous, suddenly not knowing how to operate proficiently.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean grinned at him with that cocky smile that dug a pit into Castiel’s stomach.

“What are you doing here?”

“I got gas on pump three. And I’m picking up two bags of ice. And you.”

Castiel stood there dumbly for a moment.

“The lake?” Dean prompted, his smile faltering.

“Right.” He rang up the gas and ice, taking a fifty from Dean. He made change, double-checking the amount on the register since his brain had short-circuited along with his hands.

Garth had just stepped in behind the counter, getting ready to start his shift. 

“I’ll be out in ten minutes.” He had no idea how to talk to Dean anymore. He had always been awkward around him, but now...now he felt totally lost and insecure. But he didn’t want Dean to get freaked out by that. A huge part of him still wanted what they had during those few, brief, secret moments.

Dean nodded with a small grin and headed out to his car. How had he not heard the beast of a car pull up to begin with? He waited on the next customer and turned his drawer over to Garth.

“Last night’s money is in the safe,” he said quietly, taking his vest off.

“Okie doke!” Garth grinned. “It’s gonna be a hot one today! Have fun at the lake!”

Had the town been notified? Castiel nodded stiffly, heading back to the break room to get his bag. He had not remembered agreeing for Dean to pick him up. He would have remembered that. He glanced at the stock room door, remembering the day Dean had found him and Gabe hiding here.

Conflicted. It seemed like he lived in a constant state of feeling conflicted. He was tired of it. He needed to pick a ground and stand on it. Either tell Dean he had been wrong for kissing him like that or play his little game and see what else the older boy could teach him.

He marched out to the car with a set jaw. He sat in the passenger seat and slammed the door shut. He stared ahead, still debating which way to handle the gigantic size problem in his life that was Dean Winchester.

“You pissed at me, Cas?” Dean asked, not even attempting to start the car.

“Now, why would I be mad at you, Dean?” Castiel flashed him a sarcastic grin.

“Alright,” Dean frowned, starting the car. He put it in drive and pulled out of the convenient store a little quicker than necessary. “I made it pretty clear I could help you learn a few things to get started.”

“You pissed at me, Dean?” Castiel ventured.

“No.” The answer was much more subdued than he had expected. “I’m sorry for what I did at the park. I went too far.”

Castiel mulled that over. He was not a toy to be played with. That is, unless he wanted to take that route. It was his choice, after all. He could fuck around with someone without getting his hopes up. Other people did it. So could he.

“It’s not a big deal.”

He could feel the glances Dean threw him. “You find somebody else to practice with?”

Castiel laughed short. “Yep.”

“Who?”

“It doesn’t matter who, Dean, remember?” The pair exchanged a charged look, Dean relenting fairly easily.

“Is it serious?” Dean asked.

“No,” Cas huffed. “Just...practice.”

He turned back to Dean. “How about you?” Are you with Brooke?”

“No.” Dean cracked a bitter smile. “Guess you’re all grown up now, huh?”

“Aw, that make you sad?” Castiel laughed. He had never jabbed exchanges with Dean on this level. He liked how it rattled him a little. Good. Dean needed rattled. He also needed to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t very straight.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Dean pulled into the carport, smirking at Castiel’s open mouth.

“I’m not as shy as I used to be, Dean.” He gave him a challenging look, to which Dean only grinned. Dean obviously didn’t believe him. The cold truth was, Dean had avoided him after the kiss. So Castiel avoided him back. If Dean was going to pull the bravado card, so was he.

“So... you got a boyfriend?” Dean asked.

“No.”

Dean nodded, not looking at him. “So, I take it you need a lesson.”

Castiel laughed a strangled, odd noise, stifling it as quick as possible. “I’m game.”

Dean smirked. “Let’s see if you got any game.”

Challenge accepted. Castiel raised an eyebrow. “So, think you still have something to teach me?”

Dean pinned him with a downright naughty grin, making Castiel blush. “I’m sure there’s plenty you still don’t know.”

“We’ll see,” Castiel grinned. Dean gave him a look of surprise. Castiel shrugged, forcing himself to be brave. “It’s been a month. I figured you just got shy.” 

Dean’s look darkened.

“You’re the one that hasn’t been around,” Dean said low, aware that people were coming toward the car to load it up.

Castiel shrugged a shoulder with an innocent grin. “I’ll try and make myself more available.”

“You...do that,” Dean stammered as the back door opened.

“Hey, Cas!” Sam greeted, shoving a bag into the backseat, sliding in.

“Morning, Sam,” Castiel turned, giving his friend an easy grin. “I’ll be back. I gotta grab my stuff and change.”

“Hurry up! We’re all here and ready to go. Except Gabe.”

“I’ll get him.” He turned back to Dean. “Save me a seat up front, would you?”

Dean gave him a deadpan look, but Castiel knew he had him provoked. Huh. Teacher, prepare to get taught.

Castiel ran across the street, inside the house and up the steps. He barreled into his room, making Gabriel squeal.

“I’m up!” He yelled, flinging the covers back and jumping out of bed.

“You better be. Trains leaving with or without you in five,” Castiel grinned.

Gabriel frowned. “Alright, I know you require little sleep, but you’re awfully perky.”

“I’m goin’ to the lake,” he grinned, pulling his shirt off and tossing it toward his hamper.

The next five minutes passed in a flurry of clothes and gathering what they needed.

“Love you, Mom!” They both yelled as the ran out the front door.

The car was already full. Sam had saved a seat in the back for Gabe but was squished in with Kevin and Chuck as well. Jo sat up front.

Castiel exchanged a look with Dean. Dean huffed a laugh, getting out. He let Castiel in, not breaking for a second as Castiel rubbed against him to squeeze into the seat and slide over. “Hey, Jo.”

Jo grinned. “Hey. How are you even awake? Didn’t you work last night?”

“All night long,” Castiel sighed.

She smiled, leaning against the door with her head on a balled-up sweatshirt. “I slept and I’m still tired.”

“No Charlie?” Chuck asked as Dean started the car.

Dean put his arm around Castiel to turn and look as he backed out. “Sorry,” Dean grinned, so in his space Castiel could smell his body wash.

“No, you’re not,” Castiel muttered.

“No, I’m not,” Dean grinned, thunking him on the back of the head as he brought his arm back around, taking off.

Castiel grinned.

“Dean!” Sam called from the backseat. “Is Charlie coming?”

“She’ll meet us there later. She and Benny had to work.”

Jo pulled a sleeve of the sweatshirt over her eyes to block the morning sun. Castiel grinned. He would consider this...semi-private.

“Maybe I am tired,” he said. “Wake me up when we get there.”

“I knew you were gonna crash,” Gabe smirked. “He came in this morning all fired-up. Now he’s gonna crash and burn.”

Castiel grinned, dropping his head onto Dean’s shoulder.

“Uh uh,” Dean chuckled, nudging him up. “I’m driving.”

“Want me to lay down?” He muttered quiet enough that only Dean could hear. Castiel’s eyes dropped to Dean’s lap.

“Jesus,” Dean muttered, rolling his window down. Jo whined, shoving the sweatshirt over her face even more.

Castiel just grinned, dropping his head onto Dean’s shoulder.

Dean sighed, turning the radio on. It wasn’t enough to nudge him out of the way and Castiel grinned a little harder.

Five miles down the road, when everyone had settled in a bit, Castiel let his hand wander over to Dean’s thigh.

Dean looked down at him, glancing around. “You’re playin’ a dangerous game.”

Castiel just grinned, stroking his thumb back and forth slowly. The thrill of being bold raced through him.

Past the overlook, they wound through the thick woods, finally arriving at the lake. Before they got there, Castiel withdrew his hand and sat up. There was no way he was tired.

Dean parked, everyone getting out of the car. Everyone loaded themselves with chairs, bags, towels, and the cooler, heading down to get a good spot.

After some debate, they settled on a grassy spot at the edge of the beach area. Those that wanted to lay in the sand put their towels there, those that preferred the grass, put their towels there. 

They sat chairs around and staked down an umbrella. It was early, barely 10am and it was already hot. Dean put a radio on low and sat back in a lounge chair, sunglasses on and attitude written all over his face.

“Don’t get burnt,” Sam warned.

“I won’t,” Dean smirked. “I’ve done this before, ya know.”

Sam rolled his eyes, focusing his attention back on Castiel and Gabe.

“I’m fuckin’ hot already,” Gabe whined.

“Let’s get in!” Sam grinned. “We can throw the football before it gets too busy.”

Castiel agreed, taking his shirt off, leaving it on his towel. Before he could ask Dean to help him with sunscreen, Gabe threw the football to him. 

“Ha!” Gabe laughed. Castiel chased him to the water, running in without another thought.

They all played hard in the water for a good two hours before the water started getting too crowded. Dean had taken the opportunity to dunk Castiel, sliding along him. Castiel shoved him away with a laugh.

One tackle resulted in a death roll, Dean possibly cupping a feel. “You’re such a dick,” Castiel muttered, wiping a hand over his face, trying to hide the burning blush on his cheeks and the smile it had brought.

Dean only laughed, swimming away. 

They settled in for a lazy afternoon of laying in the sun and swimming. By late afternoon, Castiel was able to put his towel in the shade and get some sleep.

 

He woke several hours later to a foot rubbing his ass. 

“Gabriel!” He groaned. 

“Think again.”

Castiel uncovered his head, turning to see Dean crouch down beside him.

He must have looked puzzled in his sleepy haze, making Dean grin. “You still half asleep?” He leaned closer to his ear. “What I’m wondering is, do you wake up in the evening with morning wood? Or is that...evening wood?” He leaned even closer, his breath tickling his ear as Castiel shut his eyes as his breath caught. “What were you dreaming about?”

Castiel shuddered hard when Dean trailed a few fingers down his side slowly. “I know you think you can play this game...but I’m tellin’ you now you should probably...pull out.”

He stood up abruptly. “Come on, Cas. Food’s ready.” That was loud enough for the others to hear. But there was no way he was getting up right now, sporting the erection Dean had created in a matter of seconds.

“Come on, Cassie!” Gabe yelled.

“In a minute,” he grumbled, glaring at Dean.

“It’s gonna get cold,” Dean grinned, pushing Castiel’s butt with his foot, rocking his hard dick on the ground.

“Dean,” Castiel growled, swatting at his other leg, smacking his calf with a loud pop.

“Oooo, somebody’s grumpy!” Kevin laughed.

Dean laughed, walking away. Castiel’s head dropped onto his arms as he conjured pictures of roadkill to deflate his erection.

He was the last one to get a plate of hotdogs, chips, and potato salad. They ended the meal with large wedges of watermelon. 

Three hours of sleep was enough to make him slightly sluggish the rest of the evening. He swam again, playing a much calmer game of keep-away with Chuck, Kevin, Gabe, and Sam.

Dean spent the rest of his time with Charlie and Benny. Castiel steered clear of them for the most part. Playing his little dirty game with Dean was one thing, playing around Benny was another. He wasn’t going there.

They ended the day with s’mores by the grill. 

As they loaded their sandy and soggy goods into Benny’s trunk (Dean refused anything wet or dirty to go into ‘his baby’s’ trunk) they split up for the ride home.

Castiel didn’t even give Charlie’s little car a thought. He pulled open the passenger door and called shotgun before anyone had a chance. Sam, Gabe, and Chuck got in the back seat, the others leaving with Charlie.

They were barely a mile from the lake before Cas fell asleep against the door in the front seat.

 

Castiel woke to the sound of Jo squealing. He blinked blearily into wakefulness. He was still in Dean’s car. Everyone else was in the yard hosing down chairs and shaking out towels. Jo was soaked and chasing Sam across the yard. Dean, Benny and Charlie were at the curb, talking to Mary and Naomi.

Castiel closed his eyes again, knowing he should get up. But the scent of woods and leather smelled so heavenly.

The next thing he knew, a firm grip to his inner thigh woke him with a jolt.

“Morning, sunshine.”

“What’s goin’ on?” Castiel asked, sitting up with a yawn. The yard was quiet with towels hanging on the fence and chairs propped against the house. “I fell asleep.”

“Yeah. You missed all the work.”

Castiel sat back against the seat with a groan. “Sorry.”

Dean shrugged. “Get outta my car so I can go to bed, flirt.”

Flirt? Castiel blushed. “I wasn’t...”

Dean chuckled. “You were most definitely flirting. All fucking day.”

“I think you were flirting more than I was!”

Dean shook his head. “I was just de-sensitizing you.”

Castiel stammered. This line of logic was holding pretty thin. “I warned you,” he grinned, a sliver of bravado left from the day.

Dean grinned. “I warned you.”

They exchanged a grin and Castiel got out of the car.

All the way home, he could feel the warm patch of skin where Dean had grabbed his inner thigh. He relished in the memory of all the touches he had gotten today. If he were keeping a tally, this would be a stellar day.

 

*************************************************

 

They celebrated the end of their last real summer together by going to the movies to see the remake of IT. It had been as terrifying as promised. They walked the half mile home in the dark. It was something they had done many, many times. Now, it felt like something that would only happen a few more times.

“That clown really got me,” Sam admitted, looking over his shoulder nervously.

“Nooo, the creepy kid!” Charlie shivered. Jo laughed, putting an arm around her.

“The fact that it took your fear and used it against you...I had no idea it was a psychological thriller in such a gory movie!” Kevin ranted, extra amped up from having candy and soda.

“The blood in the bathroom was disgusting!” Gabe yelled.

“The balloons,” Castiel shivered. “The way they floated...”. He shivered, shoving his hands in his pockets, walking a little closer to Gabe.

“I knew the clown was gonna freak you out, Sam,” Gabe shook his head, putting an arm around Sam’s shoulders.

“You guys gotta stay over tonight. I’m never gonna sleep!” Sam wrapped his arm around Gabe, the pair talking about something between the two of them.

“It was the best scary movie I’ve seen in a while!” Jo added. “I wanna see it again!”

“Pass,” Sam said quietly, Gabe hugging him a little tighter. 

“Too bad Dean and Benny missed it. They woulda loved it,” Charlie said.

“Where are they?” Castiel asked.

“They went to a big party on the north side. I hope that stupid Lisa isn’t there. She causes so many problems.”

“She left for college,” Sam said. “She was trying to get Dean to see her before she left, but he wouldn’t go. And she’s too prissy to come to Smitty.”

“I hope she stays gone and forgets about Dean. She really did a number on him. I was never so happy when he dumped her for good after graduation.”

“What did she do to him?” Castiel asked.

Charlie shrugged. “She lied to him. Cheated on him. Treated him like trash. Made sure he knew that he was ‘so lucky’ to be dating someone like her. Preppy north-ender trash.”

“Well, tell us how you really feel,” Gabe grinned.

“She sucked the life out of him. Dean’s been so much better off since he hasn’t been dating her.”

“He’s got plenty of life now,” Sam laughed. “Regular ladies’ man.”

Castiel felt a sting of jealousy. Dean might not be so willing to...flirt, tutor, whatever they were calling it, if a new girlfriend was in the picture. He felt like Dean had been keeping a secret from him. But that wasn’t exactly true. What he and Dean did from time to time was the real secret.

They went straight to Sam’s, raiding the kitchen for snacks and pulled out two old mattresses they used for big sleep overs.

Charlie and Jo took one, taking their favorite blankets and making a bed. Castiel took the other mattress. Gabe and Sam settled onto one couch, Kevin and Chuck on the other.

“I’m NEVER going to sleep!” Kevin said, eyes wide.

“I don’t know, man. That movie messed me up. I need a drink,” Chuck suggested.

Sam shrugged. “I don’t got anything.”

“We do!” Gabe grinned. “Cassie, go get that bottle of Jim Beam I stashed in the Lego box!”

Castiel frowned. The thought of walking next door alone did not appeal to him at the moment.

“Pleeeease,” Chuck begged.

“Yes!” Kevin added.

Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes. “Fine.” 

Castiel snuck quietly through the kitchen so he didn’t wake Mary. Then outside, across the street, and into his own house. Everything looked frightening. He did his best to sneak in quietly.

“Castiel?”

“Hey, Mom,” he answered quietly. “We’re gonna stay over at Sam’s.”

“Okay. How was the movie?”

“Terrifying,” he admitted.

She shook her head with a laugh. “Lock up when you leave.”

“I will. Night, Mom.” He went into his room, grabbing his small duffel bag. He put the Jim Beam in the bag with a pair of pajama pants and his toothbrush. 

He locked his door on the way out and darted across the street again. He went through the carport and jumped when Dean stepped out from the back of the house.

“Boo!” Dean laughed.

“Fuck!” Castiel gasped, clutching his chest and dropping the bag.

Dean laughed a little harder.

“You fuckin’ scared me!” Castiel managed, stepping back. “Oh shit!” He knelt down to open the bag, checking the bottle.

“Well, well. Someone’s having a party,” Dean grinned.

The bottle was fine. Castiel zipped the bag shut, getting to his feet. “Yeah. We just watched IT and now we’re all downstairs. I thought you were at a party.”

“I was,” Dean frowned. “The party was...weird. Definitely a weird night.” He had a funny look on his face.

Castiel realized how well he was doing talking to Dean. He wasn’t even nervous. He wasn’t even blushing. Maybe his de-sensitization bullshit was actually doing more than fuel him with masturbation material.

“You could come have a drink with us,” Castiel offered, keeping up his brave streak.

Dean grinned.

“It’s crowded if you’re sleeping down there though.” He swallowed thickly, just continuing before he chickened out. “The only sleeping spot left is with me. So...”

Dean’s face sobered a bit. “Sleeping spot.”

Castiel nodded, realizing he was stepping backwards from Dean stepping forwards, backing him into the side of the house. 

“That’s an awfully big jump in the game, asking me to sleep with you, Cas.”

Castiel’s face burned. “I just...”

“There is no way you are ready to sleep with me.” Dean put one hand on the side of the house, leaving Cas one opening.

“I...” he stammered. If anyone saw them, they were going to wonder what the hell Dean was doing. Castiel could feel his whole-body tremble slightly.

“You sure you want that?” Dean whispered. “Might be some...bumping. Some...rubbing.”

Castiel let a breath out. He was hard as a rock and going to have an issue in his pants if Dean kept this up much longer. The possibilities of what Dean could do in bed, under a cover, in the dark, were a lot. 

“Might not be a good idea,” Dean frowned stepping back. “Not if you’re drinking.”

“I won’t,” Castiel assured him instantly, reaching a hand out to grab Dean’s jacket. He let go after barely a second holding it. Dean swayed a tiny bit closer. “I’ll have one shot. I... I could use some practice.”

“Practice with what, exactly?” Dean practically growled.

“Anything,” Castiel whispered.

“It’s been a weird night already,” Dean grinned. “I suppose I could put you to bed.”

“You can’t drink either,” Castiel burst, worried something bad could happen if either were allowed.

“I won’t drink,” Dean smirked, he fixed a piece of Castiel’s hair, letting his hand drop to his shoulder and run down his arm.

Castiel gasped slightly.

“No gasping in there. No moaning.”

“Jeez,” Castiel went to walk away, but stopped at the solid, open palm to his chest from Dean, who pushed him back against the house gently.

“Your mouth is getting braver, but you’re still shakin’ like a leaf,” Dean said in more of a normal voice.

“That’s why I need the practice.” Castiel laughed nervously. “At this point, I’ll just scare somebody off. They’ll think I’m a...wimp.”

“Then you tell them you aren’t. Come on, Cas. What are we working on tonight?” Dean was asking. Really asking.

Castiel was fighting to breathe normal and his hands were shaking. “Holding hands.”

Dean nodded, his eyes trailing down his face. Castiel drug another breath in.

“Touching me.”

Dean grinned harder. “Touching you. Like...give me boundaries.”

“I...” Castiel’s mind raced. “Anywhere. But you can’t kiss me. Not like at the park.”

Dean’s grin sobered a little. “Fair enough. No mouth. You passed that test anyway. It’s your general proximity tests you’re failing left and right.”

“Yeah,” Castiel laughed nervously. “It’s helping though. I’m already doing better.”

Dean grinned. “Good. See you in there.” He stepped back, letting Castiel away from the wall.

Castiel went down the basement steps. “It’s me,” he called, knowing everyone was a little on edge.

“I thought you got busted!” Kevin yelled, everyone shushing him. “You were gone forever!”

“Did you get in trouble?” Chuck asked, worried.

“No. Just ran into Mom. Had to tell her about the movie and stuff.”

“I think you were scared to cross the street,” Gabe teased, taking the bottle from Castiel.

“No, but Dean scared the shit out of me by his car. He’ll be down soon.”

“Was he alone?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah,” Castiel nodded.

“Good.” 

Everyone sat up as the bottle got passed around. Castiel barely took a sip, passing it to Jo.

He was proud of himself for telling Dean there would be no more kissing. He had drawn a limit. And Dean had accepted it readily.

“Hey, Scooby gang,” Dean called, coming down the steps.

“Hey, hi!” They all called back.

“How was the party?” Charlie asked.

“You didn’t miss anything. A little too high school for me. I shoulda gone to the movie.”

“Aw. And yes, you should have! It was creeeeeepy!” Charlie laughed.

They all told him about it while the bottle went around. Castiel got into his pajama pants, brushed his teeth and got onto his mattress.

Kevin and Chuck were the first two out cold.

“Guess it’s time to go to sleep,” Sam yawned, cuddling down into the couch. 

“Guess you’re stuck with me,” Dean smirked at Castiel.

Castiel moved over a bit, to give him plenty of room.

“You wanna switch with me, so you can sleep with Charlie?” Jo asked.

“Nah,” Dean yawned. “I’m good.”

Castiel’s hands were sweating and he thought he might lose his popcorn over how overwhelmed he was when Dean pulled his shirt off and got under the covers.

Dean didn’t have a shirt on.

It was different than when they were at the lake. He just willingly took his shirt off and got in bed with him.

“Let’s watch a less scary movie,” Charlie suggested.

“Like anything that doesn’t have Stephen King’s name on it,” Jo offered.

Gabe flipped channels on the TV, but Castiel was oblivious. He was on his side, facing Dean, who laid on his back. They both pulled the thick blanket up high. Dean’s hand immediately sought his hand out, intertwining their fingers. 

Rather than sweating and being nervous about it, Castiel gripped his hand like a stabilizing lifeline.

Dean glanced over at him with a tiny grin.

Castiel wrapped both hands around Dean’s one hand. Dean had told him he could touch him. He started sliding his hand up to Dean’s wrist, then forearm, not going above his elbow.

Just as he had regulated his breathing, feeling the firm muscles that were relaxed beneath his warm skin, Dean turned over toward him.

Castiel’s eyes went wide. Whatever movie Gabe had settled on, flitted light across Dean’s face. His eyes were almost closed. Stubble speckled his jaw and chin. His lips puffed out gently as he settled onto his shoulder. Castiel had let go, letting him move.

Dean’s hand crept up the inside of his forearm, making Castiel’s breath catch. His fingers crooked and slid down to his wrist, raking his skin softly.

Castiel closed his eyes, breathing out shakily. Dean pulled his wrist, moving his hand to rest on the inside of his thigh.

Castiel’s eyes flew open, seeing Dean watching him.

“You good?” Dean grinned.

“Yeah,” Castiel breathed out slow.

Dean took Castiel’s other hand, holding it between them.

Castiel knew he was gripping his hand tightly. His heart raced, and he knew he would never get to sleep. He listened as the movie moved from a comical scene among friends to some sort of amped up situation. Light played quickly across Dean’s face, adding to Castiel’s thumping heart.

“Breathe,” Dean whispered, pulling his head closer to Castiel an inch.

Castiel drug a deep breath in and closed his eyes, breathing out. The heat from Dean’s skin under the too-warm blanket was making him sweat. His hand resting on Dean’s thigh closed in a fist. He slid the back of his hand lower toward Dean’s knee, then back to where it had been.

Castiel tempered a whine or groan or whatever sound threatened to escape his throat. He wanted Dean to grip those hands tighter on him and kiss him. To hell with the room full of people with them. He wanted Dean’s mouth on his. He wanted that kiss from the park with him on his back and Dean over top of him.

His eyes flew open again as Dean let go of his hand. His hand appeared from the blankets like a ghost. Dean looked worried. “I think I better go upstairs.” His thumb gripped Castiel’s chin as soft as a whisper.

“No!” Castiel pulled his hand back under the covers to hold it where it had been. “Stay.”

Castiel settled his thoughts and stilled his mind. He pulled Dean’s hand, putting it on his side. Though he had a t-shirt on, he could still feel every ounce of heat and every flex or move his hand made.

Castiel pressed his head deeper into his pillow, crossing the divide of space between them, his hand gliding softly onto Dean’s side.

Dean adjusted beneath his touch, moving just a little closer. Castiel was glad he was laying down. He was glad his eyes were shut. He was glad no one was watching. He shivered a breath out slowly as his hand glided down Dean’s side, feeling the muscles beneath. Dean gripped his side a little more firmly. His hand slid down, resting on Castiel’s hip.

He could feel his fingers and thumb toy with the edge of his t-shirt, sliding beneath to swipe gently along his skin.

Another breath shuddered from Castiel’s lips. And just that quickly, Dean pulled his hand away, taking Castiel’s hand back in his.

Castiel breathed slow, keeping his eyes closed. He felt drunk in the touches, the memories skating across his skin. He cradled Dean’s hand to his chest.

Castiel knew he was grinning. But he felt like he would blow at the seams, like his body filled with every touch and stroke across his skin.

“Cas,” Dean whispered.

Castiel’s eyes opened. He tipped his chin up to look at Dean.

“You trust me?”

“Yeah.”

Dean grinned a little. “Roll over.”

Castiel licked his dry lips. Roll over? Why did that feel like he was really going to expose himself? It seemed like another big step. In a daze, with his eyes wide, he rolled over. He stared at the wall next to him, jumping only slightly when Dean put his hand between his shoulder blades. He blinked rapidly, waiting for where that hand would go. Dean slid his hand up, touching the bare skin of his neck, just below his hairline. 

Without a thought, Castiel moved his head back, into the touch. He exhaled and closed his eyes. For quite some time, Dean’s hand slid across every inch of his back and neck. It was hypnotic. His entire body relaxed.

His mouth was open, and all his focus followed the sweeping strokes. He felt Dean’s hand slide down his side and stop, perched atop his hip.

Castiel grinned into his pillow where no one could see. He reached down, his own hand skating over Dean’s, stopping to squeeze it gently. He grabbed the hem of his own shirt and pulled it up, squirming slightly to hike up the material. Dean’s hand went back to work quickly, sliding up his side, pushing the shirt up until he managed to pull Cas’ arm out of his sleeve, exposing his whole shoulder, arm, and side. Dean continued sweeping across his skin.

Shocks and waves of sensation flooded him with every touch. As the strokes repeated their pattern, the flood of electricity lessened. His heart rate dropped to normal again. He was mesmerized with Dean’s touch. His heart rate climbed slower this time. A heat and need began brewing deep inside him. Castiel had a driving need to touch Dean back. He put his arm back in his sleeve and rolled over. Dean blinked up at him slowly, looking sleepy.

Castiel grinned at him, turning to his side to face him. He lightly ran his hand along Dean’s shoulder, then down across his chest. Dean closed his eyes. He took Dean’s hand in his again, cuddling it to his own chest.

He heard Dean breathe a soft sigh. Castiel sighed after him. He never remembered his dick feeling so hard. So intense. Had Dean’s hand continued to touch his bare skin, he feared he would come in his pants. Even now, as his libido slowed, and his erection softened, he wanted more. And if he wanted more from Dean, he was going to have to get braver. Dean seemed to be good at pulling the plug before Castiel broke through lines he couldn’t uncross. He followed his lead, trusting in his boundaries.

 

**********************************************

 

Dean was gone when Castiel woke the next morning. A large part of him was relieved. He could think straight and breathe normally. He felt satisfied in a way that was new. Like he had accomplished a goal for himself. This is what Dean had been talking about. He felt braver and a little more sure of himself. 

That morning, before anyone left, Castiel told them all that he was gay. Like the friends he knew they were, they only had support to share.

The feeling stayed with him through the last weekend of summer and through his first few days of his senior year. Classes started, new routines in place, he was feeling much more independent.

Lunch was better this year by far. Seniors all had lunch together, putting him with his friends. He had never felt more comfortable in his own skin.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice long chapter ;)

6:

 

Castiel woke with a start as Gabriel’s cellphone buzzed off the nightstand and landed on the floor with a clatter.

Gabe scrambled after it, sliding his thumb across the screen as he hung precariously out of bed.

“What?” He croaked, falling the rest of the way to the floor.

Castiel grabbed the dropped phone. “Hello?”

“Gabe...I fucked up! I did a bad thing...”

Chuck’s words were slurred and there was a familiar lilt to his voice that he got when he was drunk. “Chuck, where are you?”

“Cas? Oh man, that’s the problem. I don’t know where I am! I’m freakin’ out, man!”

Gabriel snatched the phone, sitting on the side of Castiel’s bed. “Where are you, buddy?” Gabriel nodded. “Can you find the name of a street or building?” Gabriel got up, getting dressed. Castiel followed suit. 

“Good job, Chuck. I know where you are. Sit down on the library steps and wait. I’ll be there soon.”

This was not the first time Chuck had called when he was trashed. The brothers worked silently to get out of the house without waking their mother.

“She’s gonna hear the car start,” Gabe whispered loudly.

Castiel glanced up at their mother’s window at the front of the house. Gabe was probably right. He sighed heavily as he unlocked the car, putting it in neutral. They pushed the car half a block before Castiel started it.

He drove to the library. “Why the hell is Chuck trashed on a Thursday night?”

“I don’t know,” Gabe groaned. “Dude has a problem.”

“Who’s he drinking with?” Castiel asked, yawning.

“His band buddies. They’re pretty good. But they definitely drink too much. And you know Chuck, he’s a bottle-chasing wanderer about six shots in.”

“He needs a tracking device. He’s lucky he has his phone.”

“There he is,” Gabe pointed. Castiel slowed the car to a stop in front of the local library. Gabe got out, helping him into the back seat.

“Thanks, man!” Chuck half cried. “Why do I do this? What would I do without you?” Chuck slumped heavily onto Gabe’s side. Gabe slung an arm around him, patting his head gently.

“You’d be sleepin’ in a gutter, you putz. You gotta quit this shit.”

“I know,” Chuck belched.

“Ewww,” Castiel and Gabe groaned, putting windows down. 

“Musta been a Yukon Jack night,” Gabe winced, waving the stench of alcohol away from his face.

“M sorry, Cassie,” Chuck sighed, his head dropping onto Gabe’s shoulder. “Don’ wanna get you guys in trouble.”

“I’m glad you called us, Chuck,” Castiel assured him. 

“I did a bad thing,” Chuck mumbled a minute later.

“What’d you do?” Gabe asked, yawning, still petting Chuck’s curly hair.

“Drank too much. Had sex in a closet.”

Gabe raised an eyebrow at that. “With who?”

“Rhonda. Man! She’s wild! She had me do some crazy shit!”

“Like what?” Gabe smirked.

“Gabe,” Cas frowned.

“What? At least he remembers right now. Tomorrow he’ll be all freaked out and worried. What did Rhonda do?”

“She made me put on her underwear.”

Castiel locked eyes with Gabe in the rearview mirror. They both burst out laughing.

“You kinky, drunk, mess of mine,” Gabe laughed.

“They were black and satiny,” Chuck went on, worry or booze making his voice tremble a little. “She kept rubbing my ass!”

They both laughed again.

“I mighta liked it...” Chuck said, his voice dripping into a more dreamy tone.

“What’s not to like?” Gabe chuckled. “Warm satin on your ass?”

Castiel pulled up to the curb, turning the car off. 

“She just kept rubbing...”

Gabe had pulled his phone out and started a video. “What else did you do in the closet, stud boy, besides wear black lady panties?”

Chuck blinked, squinting one eye. “She kept rubbing my ass...”

Gabe laughed again. “I think you mighta liked it, Yukon Chuck.”

“It got the job done,” Chuck grinned.

“Okay,” Castiel snapped, snatching Gabe’s phone to turn the video off. Gabe snatched it back before he could erase it.

A thumping on the driver’s window shocked Castiel, making him turn to the window sharply.

He feared a cop had caught them. And with all the authority of one, Dean stood at his door motioning him to get out.

“Stay in the car,” Castiel said quietly, getting out.

“What the hell are you guys doin’ at 4am on a school night?” Dean demanded.

Normally, Castiel would have winced at the tone, but he was much more comfortable in Dean’s orbit than he used to be. “Chuck called. We had to pick him up. That okay, Officer Winchester?”

Dean smirked at him. “What’s with this kid? He’s done this a few times, hasn’t he?”

Castiel nodded. “Better us get him than the police.”

Dean nodded. “You takin’ him home?”

Castiel wilted slightly against the side of the car. “I don’t know. His dad would freak out if he caught us sneaking in with him.

Dean huffed a laugh. “Bring ‘im to my house. We can take him downstairs.”

Castiel studied Dean. “Why are you up?”

Dean rubbed a hand along his neck. “Just got home. I fell asleep at a friend’s.”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed. “A girlfriend’s?”

Dean sighed heavily. “Yeah.”

Castiel nodded. He knew Dean’s availability was only temporary. Choosing to lock that away for later, Castiel cleared his throat. “Let’s get rock star Chuckie downstairs before some cop rolls by.”

Chuck went along easily enough. Tucked into the couch with a blanket and pillow, Gabe flopped onto the other couch. “I’ll stay with ‘im.”

Castiel nodded, following Dean up the steps of the outside entrance.

“You gonna get back inside alright?” Dean asked, looking at his house across the street.

“Yeah, I think so.” Castiel leaned against the side of the house, mustering his energy to climb the shed roof, up the balcony and slip into the hallway quiet enough to not wake his mom.

He watched Dean, leaning against the driver’s side door in the moonlight. The last time they had been out here alone at night, Dean had given him quite the tutorial on proximity.

Castiel pooled his sleepy courage and stood up taller, taking the half step to get in his space. “So... new girlfriend mean I lost my study partner?” He had to clear his voice but had not let it wobble.

Dean gave him a cocky grin. “No. I don’t think she’ll care if I hold hands with you. She isn’t even really my girlfriend. I just said that.”

Hope crept up his spine again. Castiel felt like these moments were becoming so much more than the simple lessons Dean professed them to be. Everything Dean did felt like so much more than what it actually was.

Dean reached up, running his hand down Castiel’s upper arm. Castiel fought the gasp in his throat and the urge to lean forward and kiss him. He was also able to maintain eye contact. “See, you’re getting better all the time. Won’t be long until some guy is glaring at me to stay away from you.”

Castiel snorted a grin, looking away. He shook his head with some disbelief.

“It’ll happen,” Dean said softly, his hand sliding down to take Castiel’s.

Castiel moved beside him to lean against the car, holding hands.

“Chuck had sex in a closet tonight with a girl named Rhonda. Think it was Rhonda Hurley?”

Dean’s fist tightened slightly. “If it was Rhonda Hurley, you’d know. That girl is crazy.”

Castiel looked up at Dean, sliding his thumb back and forth against his hand. “Wild, was the word he used.”

Dean blushed. “I bet it was, then.”

“Did you have sex with her in a closet?” Castiel asked, wondering what the hell that would be like.

Dean chuckled. “Damn near. She had me down to...”

Castiel gaped at him. “Her underwear?”

Dean blushed, staring at him in shock.

“Wait,” Castiel laughed, stepping back, letting go of his hand, “wait, wait, did she get you to put on her underwear?”

Dean’s shock was comical, Castiel dissolving into laughter.

“Hey,” Dean said sharply.

Castiel stifled his laugh, searching Dean’s face. 

“They were pink. And silky. And... felt pretty awesome.”

The laughter had drained into a thrill Castiel had never quite felt before. “Damn.”

“Trust me, you’d end up in panties in a closet if you ever got the chance,” Dean defended.

“No doubt,” Castiel admitted. “Gotta say I’m kinda curious.”

“Then I’ll buy you a pair,” Dean frowned. “Don’t go lookin’ for kinky shit, Cas. You...you aren’t ready. Trust me.”

Castiel grinned, looking down. “I trust you.” His smile spread, thinking about Dean showing up with a pair of girl’s underwear to try on. “Night, Dean.” 

“Cas.”

Castiel turned around, still grinning at him.

“Don’t tell the others.”

Castiel put his hands in his pockets, tipping his head at the unneeded request. “I don’t care what kind of underwear you wanna wear,” he said quietly. “What baffles me is how she gets Dean Winchester to blush.”

Dean swallowed, staring at him.

“Guess the day I do that I graduate from your understudy program.” Castiel’s grin crept wider. “Night, Dean.”

He crossed the street quickly. Behind his house, his hands shook with adrenaline at what he had just said. He couldn’t believe he could talk that way to Dean!

He went inside with the stealth of a cat, dropping into bed for what little sleep he could get before morning.

 

********************************************

 

It had been a long time since Castiel had ridden in the back of the Impala with Mary up front. Dean was driving, but Mary and Naomi took up the rest of the front seat.

He sat behind Dean with Sam next to him and Gabe on the other side. They had waited a long time for this beach trip. And the three of them got to miss two days of school for it. A long weekend at the beach was more than any of them had since they were kids.

It was fun to see Mary and his mom sing along to songs on the radio. Even though he had exchanged a few eye rolls with Sam and Gabe, they were quite entertaining to watch.

They arrived late enough to check in and early enough to hit the beach that evening.

Castiel loved the ocean. The vastness of it. The ebb and flow. The secrets it held. The mysteries. He stood there in wonder for a few minutes, feeling the warm water rush over his feet, making him sink into the sand.

The last time he had been at the beach was when his mom was dating Gabe’s dad. It had been fun. A taste of a new life. He grinned as Gabe stepped up next to him, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Maybe we can find you a hot lifeguard.”

“I’m sure Mom would love that.”

“When are you gonna tell her? Want me to drop my bi-curious goings-on to her? Test the waters?”

“No,” Castiel grinned, putting his arm around his brother’s waist. “Not here.”

“I just got the best picture of you two!” Their mom stepped up behind them.

“Want some more?” Gabe laughed, making a muscle, posing. She laughed, stepping back to take more. They clowned around, pulling Sam and Dean in for the fun.

After swimming and playing frisbee, they were all ready for a big dinner. They drug their sandy gear back to the beach house, Dean was muttering about the state of his car from the road trip. Gabe had left a candy wrapper wedged into the backseat, a smear of chocolate left behind.

“We’ll help you clean it out when we get home,” Castiel laughed, putting an arm around him to shake him from his souring mood.

“Bet your ass, you will be.”

Castiel let go of him, sticking his tongue out at him.

They all got showers and dressed, heading for town and a noisy pizza shop. 

“Dean,” Mary chided. “That’s your fourth piece!”

“I drove. It takes extra nourishment to refuel from that!”

She shook her head at him and he put the fourth piece back on the pan.

Castiel, sitting next to him in the booth, took advantage of Sam and Gabe asking for quarters to play video games. He took the piece of pizza off the pan and put it back on Dean’s plate with a wink.

Dean grinned triumphantly, taking a huge bite.

Feeling quite proud of himself, he ventured a hand onto Dean’s thigh.

Dean paused in chewing, turning to look at Castiel. “You have a penchant for public.”

Castiel blushed, gripping Dean’s thigh.

Dean laughed, turning away and adjusting his butt in the seat a little.

“You’re a little shit,” Dean mumbled, taking another bite.

Castiel grinned, taking the last piece of pizza, now his fourth, and biting into it with a big grin at Dean.

He kneaded his fingers a little and Dean froze mid-chew again. He licked sauce off the corner of his mouth, staring steadily.

Castiel held the stare, a giggle pushing through. 

Dean nodded, his leg shifting again slightly, some teasing comment lingering on his lips.

“What are you two up to?” Mary grinned.

Castiel slid his hand away, turning to her. “Stealing pizza,” he grinned.

The moms attempted to steal them back, but Castiel and Dean squirmed out of the booth to dodge them. 

Back at the beach house, they sat on the porch, listening to the waves.

Naomi and Mary went inside after an hour, promising to do bedroom checks to be sure they stayed inside. And that the porch was not a bedroom.

Dean yawned for the tenth time, giving up to go to bed. Apparently, the drive really had tired him out.

Sam, Gabe, and he stayed up playing poker on the porch. When Mary came by for the second time, she made them all go to bed. Dean had taken the second of the two bedrooms. Sam was supposed to sleep with him, while he and Gabe took the pull-out sofa in the living room. 

Gabe and Sam pulled the bed out, putting Lord of the Rings on mute on the TV.

“Tie my shoe, Sam,” Gabe ad-libbed over the hobbits. “You ain’t got shoes Mr. Frodo,” he went on, making Sam and Castiel laugh as they watched the screen. “Such big feet Mr. Frodo!”

They laughed, all piling onto the bed. 

Castiel woke an hour later. Gabe was curled up with a leg thrown over him with Sam spooning him from behind.

He pushed Gabe’s leg off, feeling slightly claustrophobic in the pile-up. Gabe grumbled, rolling over and Sam sat up.

“I better go to bed,” Sam yawned.

“You stay here, I’ll go crash with Dean.”

Sam furrowed his brow. “You sure? He’s gonna kick you out and make you sleep on the floor.”

“Then I’ll be back,” Castiel smirked. “Gabe gets really cuddly, fair warning.”

“I know,” Sam laughed, looking back at Gabe.

Castiel nodded, heading for the bedroom. He closed the door softly, staring at Dean’s sleeping form. It was not the first time he watched Dean sleep. 

This was a reckless move. He knew it. He could sense the impending stupidity of this plan. But he just didn’t care. He craved Dean in every way.

It was stuffy in the small room and Dean was sprawled out on the double bed with no shirt on. The edge of his boxers could be seen just where the blanket covered the rise of his behind.

His back was smooth and muscular in the moonlight.

He was actually going to do this. 

Get in a bed with Dean. 

Alone. 

With a closed door. 

Warning bells were tolling in the back of his mind. But to hell with those. Nothing was louder than his heart racing at the thought of Dean’s warm skin under his hands. Memories of the night they spent on a mattress luring him forward.

He stopped at the window, opening it to let air in. A cool breeze from the ocean made him take a long, steady breath.

“Cas?”

Castiel turned around, looking at Dean.

Dean turned, sitting up. He looked at the closed door. “Where’s Sam?”

“On the couch with Gabe,” Castiel answered quietly.

Dean dropped back on the bed. “Are you seriously getting in bed with me?”

Castiel’s eyes traveled down Dean’s chest, his abs etched in little dips in the moonlight. “I...” he thought about going to get Sam, telling him to get in here. But he didn’t want that to happen. “Figured we could...”

Dean rolled to his side, patting the bed. “It’s probably not a good idea.”

Castiel pulled his shirt off, getting in bed. Sometimes...making mistakes was the only way to learn. He trusted Dean enough to know when he got out of bed in the morning, he would still be okay.

He laid back, more full of nerves than he had felt in a while.

Castiel turned to his side, facing Dean. The air between them felt charged. What would Dean de-sensitize him to tonight? 

Dean licked his lips, he reached over, bypassing his hand to put his open palm on his chest, pressing him back. Castiel’s eyes went wide as he laid back. “No kissing,” Castiel whispered.

“Told ya, you passed that test. You’re still jumpy as hell getting touched.”

Castiel nodded.

Dean laid down, his hand sliding down Castiel’s chest hot and steady.

Castiel shut his eyes, breathing. He had to breathe, or Dean would stop. He relaxed his body, taking the touch he craved day and night.

Dean ran his hand back up, over his chest, over his shoulder and down his arm. The caresses continued and Castiel relaxed, the goosebumps went away, leaving warm trails along his skin. His nerves relented, flowing instead to heat. His skin flushed all over, not in embarrassment, but an electrified reaction to the warm hand sliding across him.

“God, that feels good,” Castiel muttered.

Dean’s hand stopped. His hand slid, curling around his bicep.

“Dean,” Castiel whispered, lost in a haze so thick he couldn’t think straight.

He opened his eyes, seeing Dean facing him. Fast asleep.

Castiel grinned. “You sleeping?”

Dean didn’t move, except the light rise and fall of his chest.

Castiel wanted to lean over and kiss him. Just steal it in the night. But he couldn’t bare the thought of grieving it later. He had to keep this light, or he would be crushed. He took Dean’s hand from his bicep, holding it in his. He kissed the rough knuckles. He drug the rough skin across his parted lips. His thoughts were in the right place, telling him to keep this light. But his heart swelled as he kissed the knuckles again. His eyes went back to Dean’s, seeing he was still asleep.

“I love you,” he barely whispered. “I know I can’t have you...but I do love you.”

He closed his eyes, putting Dean’s hand back in front of him, in case one of their moms checked on them. 

 

********************************************************

 

Castiel woke to the smell of the sea blowing through the window. He grinned at the sunshine and the knowledge that he was missing school today. He rolled to his back, instead falling right into Dean’s chest.

A warm, low giggle erupted in his ear.

Castiel’s initial shock was quickly replaced with a happy realization and the fact that he was allowed to have this little moment of uncensored time with Dean.

“You mumble in your sleep,” Dean grinned.

“You knew that,” Castiel grinned. “We’ve slept in the same room for years. Even shared a couch or bed a few times now.”

Dean grinned. “I didn’t get much practice in before I fell asleep.”

“You’re a lousy date,” Castiel chuckled.

“You always were mouthy in the morning.” Dean sat up, leaving Castiel flat on his back.

Castiel gasped when Dean straddled him over the blankets. “Ready for training level two?” Dean grinned, putting both open hands on Castiel’s sides.

Castiel gasped, grabbing Dean’s wrists. “What are you doing?” 

“Moving you up a level. No more hand holding for you.” 

“I like that part,” Castiel grinned, his heart racing into wakefulness. The weight of Dean on top of him was almost enough to undo him.

“You like it all, when you can remember to breathe.” Dean leaned down, flipping his hands to pin them to the bed.

“Think you’re pretty savage, sneaking into my room at night, getting in my bed.”

Castiel let out a strangled moan, shifting his hips, making Dean grin all the harder.

“It’s not all about touch,” Dean whispered in his ear. “Sometimes it’s what you say.” He leaned up a notch, his eyes dropping from Castiel’s eyes to his mouth.

Doitdoitdoit! Castiel could feel his heart racing, his head lifting up toward Dean’s mouth.

Dean released his wrists, pressing him flat to the bed again. “See ya tonight.” Dean got up, grabbed a pair of shorts and left.

Castiel’s chest heaved, his eyes wide. What the hell was that? Dean had lost his mind! He sat up slowly, looking at his lap in wonder. He was hard as a rock. Again.

Castiel flopped back in the bed, staring at the ceiling. Level two. Shit. He knew very well he could call quits to this maddening game at any time. But he flushed all over wondering what level two could entail. 

For that matter, how many levels were there?

He laughed out loud to the empty room. This could be so much fun.

 

***********************************************

 

Castiel jumped, snagging the frisbee from the air.

“Good save!” Gabe yelled. “We are SO kicking some Winchester ass today!”

Castiel wiped his forearm across his forehead, high-fiving his brother.

“Oh, you’re goin’ down, Gabey Baby!” Dean yelled.

Castiel eyed Sam carefully, knowing he could outreach him. Dean and Gabe were the shit-talkers. Sam and Castiel just tended to get on with the game.

Castiel took his ground, staring at Dean. “Somebody’s goin’ down,” Castiel smirked.

Dean turned the frisbee in his hands, his eyes lowering to Castiel. “I don’t go down.”

“I bet you do,” Castiel grinned, swiping for the frisbee.

Dean jerked it out of reach, tossing it. Castiel ran, knowing Gabe was closer to Sam. He stopped abruptly, making Dean run right into him.

Dean shoved him a step with a laugh, pushing him on the back. While Castiel grinned at the contact, he changed gears quicker than Dean, jumping to snatch the frisbee again.

Dean tackled him to the sand but Castiel had already thrown it back to Gabe.

They rolled, getting to their feet again after a brief, handsy tussle.

Gabe hollered, scoring the final point.

Dean was huffing with a determined look.

“I think you lost,” Castiel smirked, stepping back.

“We’ll see,” Dean nodded cryptically. “We’ll see about that.”

“Promises, promises,” Castiel muttered, knowing Dean heard him. If word play was what he wanted, Castiel was doing his best.

Gabe and Sam joined them, Gabe hugging him with a slap to the back. “Damn, Cassie! That was so quick! Too bad there isn’t a frisbee team at school!”

“You boys are playing awfully rough,” Naomi warned from her chair under the umbrella.

“We like it rough,” Gabe yelled. Castiel smacked his chest playfully, making Gabe laugh.

“I’m ready for some swim time,” Sam huffed.

“Yeah, I’m ready for a beer,” Dean said under his breath.

Gabe smirked in agreement.

They walked back to where their towels were, sitting down to settle for sodas from the cooler.

Naomi was reading, Mary was half asleep in the sun, and Gabe and Sam took off to jump in the water.

“You’re getting burnt,” Dean squinted up at Castiel.

“I am?” Castiel looked at his shoulders. “Better get some sunscreen on.”

Dean waggled the bottle in his hand. Castiel gave their moms a nervous glance.

Dean was up on his feet and came around behind him. “Your mother would be so upset if her baby boy got burnt,” Dean said in his ear.

Castiel shivered in the hot sun. 

“I better knock this sand off.” Dean smoothed his hands over Castiel’s shoulders and back.

“Everyone can see us,” Castiel whispered over his shoulder.

“Then don’t act like anything is going on,” Dean muttered, smoothing cool lotion over his tight, hot skin.

Castiel blew a breath out, knowing Dean was kneading the lotion in more than necessary. His hand ran up the back of his neck, sending another flood of goosebumps all the way to his toes.

“Feel good?” Dean murmured.

Castiel bit his lip.

“Bet it feels a little too good, right?”

Castiel let his eyes drift almost closed, keeping a watch on their moms and their brothers.

“No answer, huh? You must need more.”

A small gasp escaped him when Dean’s hand dipped under his waistband, his fingers skating the skin just above his ass.

“Feels good. Too good,” he said quietly, letting his head drop.

Dean smirked, handing him the bottle. “You can do the front.”

“How ‘bout you?” Castiel asked.

“I’m good.” Dean headed for the water, leaving the sunscreen with him.

His hormones were racing like bumper cars, crashing and deflecting. He had no idea how to keep up at this game.

“Come on, Cas!” Sam yelled from the water. Castiel fought the nudging thickening in his shorts, giving his mom one last look.

He tossed the bottle onto his towel and ran for the water, hoping the cold waves would settle his little problem. 

 

*************************************************

 

They went to a busy beachfront barbecue restaurant for dinner that evening. Castiel purposely sat on the opposite side of the table as Dean. After rubbing his thigh last night at the pizza place, he couldn’t imagine Dean one-upping him here.

In the middle of his meal, he found out how wrong he was. He was on his second rib, fingers covered in sauce and mouth full when he felt Dean nudge his foot. He glanced at him, the pair holding a quick gaze. Castiel had nowhere to move or go as he felt Dean’s socked foot slide up his inner calf, up his thigh, and nestle right into his crotch.

Castiel would not know it was Dean, except the brief, subtle glances he got from time to time.

The only thing he could do was stop himself from making any noise and take the gentle stroking that was happening to his dick and balls.

When he was coaxed into being half hard, Castiel did the only thing he could think of. He sucked his fingers clean. Dean spared him with a brief, cocky grin for that.

“Here’s napkins, honey,” his mom said, handing him several. Castiel blushed, wiping the rest off his hands as Dean chuckled. And the stroking continued.

He was the last one done eating. He was flustered and gave up on the little bit of macaroni he had left.

“I’m gonna use the restroom before we go,” Castiel said. Dean finally retracted his foot to let him slide out of the booth. In the privacy of the stall in the men’s room, Castiel took a deep breath, gripping himself through his shorts. He jerked when the door to his stall rattled. 

“Cas.”

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Dean?” Was he pissed? Was Dean worried he had gone too far? He opened the stall door, backing up instantly as Dean crowded in. 

“I locked the door.”

“Why?” Castiel asked faintly.

Dean boxed him in against the stall wall. “Figured I’d make sure you were alright from dinner.” 

“Dinner was great,” Castiel said, much less bravely than he feigned in his mind.

Again, Castiel had the urge to kiss him hard, press him against the wall, and ride him until he couldn’t see straight. He swallowed hard, meeting Dean’s eyes.

He sucked in a breath when Dean’s hands slid up under his shirt, squeezing gently.

“This is usually the part where somebody gets lucky. But since we’re on practice mode...”

“Just...” Castiel panted. His heart thundered as Dean’s hands worked up and down his sides. Each time his thumbs swept a little lower on his hips and closer and closer to his nipples.

“You want me to stop?” Dean muttered against his jaw.

“No,” Castiel panted.

Dean tipped his chin, pushing Castiel’s head up. His mouth ghosted his neck but did not touch his skin. The need drove him to grip Dean’s hips, his fingers seeking skin beneath his shirt.

Without thought or consciousness for game rules, he pulled Dean tight against him and let out a guttural groan at the feel of Dean’s hard dick pressing into his.

Dean’s hands slid away and he stepped back. He didn’t look unhappy, but Castiel worried he had crossed a line.

“Sorry,” Castiel whispered.

Dean shook his head slowly. “Don’t be sorry. I just...never had that happen before.”

Castiel grinned. Dean looked at least half as wrecked as he felt.

“I made you blush.” I made you hard, he thought even louder.

Dean wiped a hand down his face. “I’d say you’re ready to be on your own.”

Castiel’s elation drained. “No... I’m not...I...”

Dean grinned, shifting his shirt into place. “Can’t think of much else to show you, Cas. I’d say you’re ready.”

Castiel nodded in defeat. He knew this would happen. But he wasn’t ready to stop. A tiny voice inside told him he’d never be ready to stop. His thoughts raced. How could he keep this game or whatever the fuck it was, going? “Maybe I can practice making some moves instead of you...taking charge.”

Dean grinned. “You can try.”

Another challenge. Castiel watched as Dean walked out of the bathroom. How the hell did he stay so cool headed? Castiel shut the stall door and pulled himself together as quick as he could.

Dean might act like he didn’t really have an interest, but his dick had been as hard as Castiel’s. He had blushed and there was a look...he was sure Dean had wanted to kiss him. So, what the hell did that mean?

He splashed water onto his face and took a deep breath. He was going to have to make the moves tonight. He wasn’t sure he could pull it off. But he was gonna give it his best try.

 

That night, they lingered on the porch for a long time. Dean and Gabe were playing their guitars, everyone singing along.

Castiel knew he could fall so hard for Dean. As he watched him sing softly and strum in the dim light, he tried to build a wall against such a thing happening. He tried not to watch him any more than he watched Gabe. But Dean’s hands were magnetic. 

Instead, he sat back, listening to them sing. When that didn’t work, he went inside to take a shower and went to bed.

He was chilly from the long day in the sun. As he snuggled down into his covers, his nerves jumped with anticipation. How was he going to start? What was he going to do?

 

He heard Mary and his mom go to bed. He heard Sam and Gabe in the living room.

No Dean.

Maybe he left. Maybe he found a real date. 

Frustrated, he sat up, staring at the door. 

Nothing.

He took a deep breath. Maybe Dean was waiting for him. His face flushed just at the thought of it. He got up, pulling his t-shirt off. He paced a circle, then opened the door quietly. Gabe and Sam were huddled together on the sofa, reading a comic together. 

He slipped through the kitchen quietly and slid the back door open. Dean sat on the chair out back quietly strumming his guitar. 

Castiel bit his lip when Dean looked up at him. “Are you coming to bed?”

Dean’s eyes skipped away for a brief second before meeting his gaze again. “Yeah.”

Castiel stepped out onto the porch, swallowing his nerves at the warm grin on Dean’s face. He took the guitar from Dean’s hands with a shy grin. He held a hand out and Dean took it.

“Look at you,” Dean grinned, letting himself be pulled up. 

Castiel grinned, feeling a mite bolder. “Come on.”

Castiel pulled him through the door, through the kitchen, and down the hall to their room. He sat the guitar in the corner. 

He reached forward, pulling Dean’s shirt off, taking the time to feel his skin the whole way. “So, if I’m in charge tonight, what kind of boundaries do you have?”

Dean grinned a slow, sly grin. “Uh...we’re not havin’ sex or anything.”

“Define ‘anything’,” Castiel said quietly, pressing Dean back a step toward the bed.

“I think,” Dean whispered, his eyes dilating, “I think I created a monster.”

“Mm,” Castiel grinned. Dean backed onto the bed as Castiel locked the door. Dean quirked an eyebrow at that.

“I’d rather apologize for a locked door than Mom or Mary walking in on...”

Dean watched every move he made with a little grin toying at his lips.

Castiel got in bed, turning the light off. He didn’t stop moving, knowing he would totally lose his nerve if he did.

He grinned as Dean opened his arm to accommodate him closer. Castiel ran his hand down Dean’s chest, savoring the feel of his skin, his heartbeat, and the rise and fall of his chest. He could feel Dean’s fingers slide up his shoulder and though chills ran, it did not freeze him in his tracks. 

“W-what should I do?” Castiel grinned nervously.

“What you want. That’s the good part about being in charge. You get to do what you want. You just have to be ready to stop on a dime when the other person says so.”

Castiel swept a thumb over Dean’s nipple, watching his breath catch. He did that. He could make Dean respond to his touch. 

He bent, pressing his lips to his chest. Dean’s hand curled into his hair. Spurred on, he teased the nipple between his thumb and finger while his mouth slid across Dean’s chest, letting the kisses he wanted to put on Dean’s mouth flow onto his chest instead.

Dean rocked his hips in response, his eyes closing. Castiel slid his stubbled chin over Dean’s other nipple, releasing the first one. His hand, splayed open wide, slid down Dean’s abs to the line of his shorts.

His entire body felt electrified, extremely sensitive to every new touch. He pulled his mouth back from Dean’s hot skin, watching his own hand stroke and feel Dean’s torso and arms. As he gained confidence, his range and intent increased.

He pulled his eyes from Dean’s waistband to his face searching for signs of apprehension or reluctance.

“Go ahead,” Dean barely whispered.

Castiel blushed so hard he was sure the capillaries in his cheeks would burst. Mouth open in pure want, Castiel slid his hand down Dean’s soft shorts. A long length of hard, hot penis filled his hand. As if every touch, stroked his own, he had to fight the urge to not come in his pants. He stroked the length, feeling the ridge of his head through the shorts.

“You’re hard,” Castiel breathed out, still in awe that he could turn Dean on.

Dean just stared at him, his chest heaving steadily.

One of Dean’s hands slid up Castiel’s thigh, under his shorts to the juncture where his ass met his leg.

New! This was new! They were in shorts territory now! He sat up, reeling from Dean’s probing fingers, Dean’s dick still clutched in his hand.

As he sat up, Dean’s hand cupped his ass cheek then slid over his bare hip, his thumb pressing into pubic hair zone.

A shaky moan escaped Castiel. Dean gripped harder and Castiel went from a moan to a needy growl.

Castiel opened his eyes seeing Dean under him, mouth open and eyes closed, his lashes spread softly across his cheeks.

He plunged down, his mouth capturing Dean’s.

“Fuck,” he heard Dean mutter, kissing him just as heated.

Dean’s hand disappeared from its firm clamp on his hip, slipping out of his shorts. He sat up, pushing and deepening his kiss.

Castiel let go of Dean’s dick, grabbing him around the shoulders and head to hang on as Dean turned him, pushing him flat on his back.

There were things he wanted to say and ask, but his mouth was entirely too busy, and everything short-circuited when Dean went up on one knee, gripping Castiel’s dick.

“Shhhh,” Dean grinned into his mouth.

Castiel blinked, he must have yelled out or made a noise or something, breaking the silence of the night.

Dean had grinned. He was okay with this! Castiel lifted his head, meeting Dean’s mouth more softly this time. Dean was stroking his cock.

Castiel’s insides raced. Dean was stroking his cock!

He lost the ability to keep up with Dean’s tongue, both parting mouths to look down at Dean’s hand.

“Dean,” Castiel panted. “I want to touch you.” Their eyes met, and Dean seemed to weigh the request for a moment.

Dean let go of his cock, Castiel’s body deflating. Had he just ruined it? Were they going too far?

Dean rolled away from him and to Castiel’s shock and awe, he took his shorts off.

Castiel knew his mouth was open, he knew he should be moving, doing something, but...

Dean’s dick was smooth and standing up like a rocket. He was staring...and Dean was just letting him.

His hand reached in slow motion, his fingers wrapping around the hard mast. Dean let a sigh out, his head dropping. 

Castiel wanted him. More than any dirty image he had masturbated to. He wanted him, flesh, muscle, mouth.

Castiel swept his hand up the silky skin, watching Dean’s mouth part. He ran his hand down and up again. Dean’s head lifted, mouth still open slightly.

Castiel caught his mouth with his own, stroking Dean.

Dean’s hands landed hot on his back, sliding down. Castiel felt his shorts being slid down.

This was happening. Something was happening. They were more than de-sensitizing. He was going to have an orgasm. There was no way he was making it out of this bed without losing it. The thought and the feel of Dean’s hands sliding down his bare ass made him gasp.

Dean pulled back from the kiss, shifting Castiel to get rid of the shorts altogether.

They were naked. Together.

Dean put his hand on Castiel’s cock lightly. It occurred to Castiel that Dean had probably never done this before either. Yes, he’d had sex with girls. But to the best of his knowledge, Dean had never been with a guy.

At this point, they were on equal footing. If that were really the case, Castiel would not have known it by Dean’s actions.

Dean ran his free hand up the length of Castiel’s body from knee to nipple, making Castiel shiver.

Castiel swept his thumb over the head of Dean’s dick, earning a gasp from Dean.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel, scooping him off his butt and landing him flat on his back. Castiel’s hands slid down Dean’s bare back and over his ass. Dean straddled him, their naked cocks bumping together.

Castiel groaned with a pleading lilt.

Dean gasped, biting into a growl.

Their eyes met, desperate. Castiel nodded, setting Dean into action. He spread his legs, their dicks aligning fully. Dean watched, wrapping his hand around both of them, stroking. They both groaned quietly. Dean spit in his hand with a frown, stroking them again. The moisture slicked their skin, letting Dean’s hand slide easier.

“Oh my God,” Castiel huffed, his hips rocking into the stroke.

“Yeah,” Dean grinned. “Move with me,” he whispered.

Castiel rocked into his hand, reeling in the rub and friction his cock was surrounded by.

Dean leaned down, losing his grip slightly, but kissed him hard and deep. Castiel gripped both hands in his hair, rocking harder.

Dean’s mouth slid down his jaw and down his neck. Chills raced down his body and his breath caught, threatening to erupt from his dick.

“Dean!” Castiel gasped.

Dean’s tongue swept harder, sucking stronger.

Castiel gasped again, need ramping up so hard he had no idea what to do.

Dean came back to his mouth quickly, sealing it closed with his own. He pulled back, grinning, eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “Shhh.”

“Sorry,” Castiel whispered, his grin quickly dropping as Dean adjusted again so his hand could move better.

“You gonna stay quiet?” Dean whispered.

“Yeah,” Castiel panted.

Dean grinned with a greedy glint, stroking faster. “You like that? You like a dick gettin’ jacked off against yours?”

Castiel’s wide eyes whited out, his entire body arching off the bed. He was coming! Cum shot up his chest and slicked the pressed dicks in a flood of warm, silky heaven.

Castiel gasped, rocking up again as Dean kept stroking.

“Aw, fuck,” Dean cried quietly, hunching his shoulders as his hand raced along the cum-slicked cocks.

More heat shot up Castiel’s chest, cum flooding over Dean’s hand.

Dean rocked and shivered, gasping.

Castiel ran his hands up Dean’s arms, pulling him down.

Dean collapsed into his arms as Castiel turned them on their sides.

“Oh my God,” Dean gasped.

Castiel grinned, laying Dean down beside him. He kissed him, both still panting slightly. Castiel pulled back, needing a breath. He put his hand on his stomach, feeling cum. So much. Cum from two. He chuckled, closing his hand in wonder.

He looked back up at Dean. Dean was sprawled out, chest still puffing, and eyes closed.

The sun had brought out the freckles that smattered across Dean’s nose and cheeks. Castiel spied them sprinkling over his shoulders as well.

He collapsed next to Dean, whose arm instantly cradled him into his chest.

As the rush of endorphins left him, he kept a constant play across Dean’s chest with his fingers.

Now what?

Dean nudged him to move and Castiel’s hopes sunk slowly.

Dean got up, looking around the room like he was not quite sure where he was. He grabbed a pair of shorts from the floor, smirking as he pulled them on.

“I’ll be right back.”

Castiel sunk into the mattress. He was sticky. And starting to cool from the insane inferno that he had been in.

Several minutes later, Dean came back with a wet washcloth. “This is messier than...” he handed Castiel the wet cloth.

Castiel sat up, wiping himself clean. He sat on the side of the bed with the cloth in a ball in his hands.

Now what?

Castiel watched as Dean picked clothes up off the floor. “You’re wearing my shorts.”

“Not for long,” Dean grinned. He pulled them off, tossing them to Castiel. He put his own on as Castiel watched him, marveling at the fact that Dean so easily got naked in front of him. 

Realizing he was still naked, Castiel got up, putting his shorts back on. He took the cloth to the bathroom, rinsing it in the sink.

Sam stumbled into the bathroom half asleep.

“Sup? Can I pee?”

“Yeah,” Castiel said quietly, feeling like a neon sign above him said ‘I’m washing your brother’s cum out in the sink right now’.

Sam put his back to him, peeing in the toilet. “You alright? My brother being a dick or something?”

“No,” Castiel blushed. “I was just...hot.”

Sam, finished, turned around and squinted at him in the light above the sink. “You doin’ alright? You been kinda quiet.”

“No, I’m good.” Castiel gave him a tight grin over his shoulder.

Sam nodded. He started walking out of the bathroom but turned to look at Castiel again.

“You got...” Sam’s mouth stopped, still open with a look of surprise on his face.

“What?” Castiel turned to him.

“Is that a hickey?” Sam brushed a finger over his neck.

Castiel blanched, looking in the mirror. There was a red oblong bruise on his neck. The memory of Dean’s mouth being there sent him into a flood of heat, flushing his face, neck, and even down to his chest red.

Sam was staring at him.

“Uh...”

“Who were you making out with?” Sam grinned.

It wasn’t obvious? Castiel turned to him like a deer in headlights. “I don’t know.”

Sam frowned. “You don’t have to be embarrassed of making out with somebody, Cas. It’s pretty normal, ya know.”

Sam looked down at his hands still holding the cloth under running water.

“I... I want to tell you. But...can it wait until we’re home?” Castiel said quietly, turning the water off.

“Yeah. Whatever, man. You don’t have to tell me.” Sam walked out of the bathroom looking slightly hurt.

Damnit.

He wrung the cloth out, hanging it by his towel. Gabriel was going to notice. And there was no getting out of telling him what had happened. He looked at the mark again. A t-shirt probably wouldn’t cover it.

Shit.

His mother was going to see it. And Mary.

“Son of a bitch.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a moment to thank you for leaving kudos! Thank you to all of you who comment!   
> Special, warmest, fuzziest, never ending thank you to Shellz! You make it all sparkle and shine!

7: 

 

Castiel went back to the bedroom, closing the door quietly. Dean was in bed, covers pulled over one shoulder.

He went around the bed, getting in. He lay down, staring at the faint outline of the window on the ceiling. “You left a hickey on my neck.”

Dean propped up on one elbow, flipping the light on. Castiel squinted as Dean turned to look at him.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t freak out about it,” Dean warned.

Castiel turned to look at him with a frown. “That’s easy for you to say. What am I gonna say? I met some guy at the beach and we made out in the bathroom?”

“Actually,” Dean’s brow lifted, “that’s not bad.”

Castiel sighed in exasperation.

Dean slid a finger over it. “Might be gone by morning.”

Castiel turned to look at him again. Everything would be gone by morning, wouldn’t it? But that was the game he had tempted fate to play. Unless...

He propped up on one elbow, nose to nose with Dean. “Unless you’re going to take credit for your handy work. Sam already saw it. Gabe’s gonna notice.”

A look of understanding passed between them. Castiel huffed a bitter laugh, dropping to his back. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Does your mom even know you’re into guys?” Dean asked softly.

“No. Does yours?”

A rush of anxiety twisted his stomach. He turned to look at Dean.

He was surprised to see Dean wasn’t pissed. Instead, he looked confused.

“Are you?” Castiel barely whispered.

Dean looked at him and then away quickly. He dropped onto his back, flipping the light off. “I guess when someone kisses you like that...it’s hard not to be turned on. Right?”

Hope surged in Castiel. ‘Kissed like that’? That meant their kisses had been as good as he had thought. Castiel grinned in the dark.

“What if...if we stop when we get home,” Castiel said aloud, trying to cling to what he had.

“Keep what? Messing around? I mean, at this point you’re tutoring me as much as I’m tutoring you.”

“So,” Castiel said, going up on his elbow again, his hand landing lightly on Dean’s chest. “We...mess around here and when we get home, we go back to what we used to be.”

Dean looked at him with wide eyes. “You can do that? Shut it down when we get home?”

“Yeah,” Castiel said in a breathy huff, staring at Dean’s mouth.

“You sure?” Dean asked.

“Yes.”

Dean’s serious face made Castiel worry. But before he could pull away in defeat, Dean reached up, brushing a lock of hair back from his forehead. Castiel leaned down, kissing him slowly.

Several minutes of slow kissing and Dean opened his mouth, sliding his tongue along Castiel’s lip for entry. Castiel opened, meeting his tongue with a bit more tact than he had before.

Chills followed the slow sweep of Dean’s hand down his back. He gasped softly when Dean slid his hand beneath his waistband, smiling at the smile he felt on Dean’s lips.

 

A long night of kissing and touching ensued. Dean was thorough, steady, and an intoxicating mix of soft and hard.

On his back, trembling at the hot mouth latched to one of his nipples, he groaned. They had been fooling around for hours. Dean had Castiel’s shorts off again and his dick in his hand, stroking too gently to get him off. Castiel squirmed, getting to that feeling again of wanting more and not knowing how to get it.

Dean stopped, looking up at him. They both heard someone in the hall. Dean looked at the door sharply, moving quickly to his spot in the bed, laying down.

Castiel rolled over, facing away from the door. He had just shut his eyes when he heard the door open. He forced himself to breathe softly. 

The door closed, and Dean scooted over, pressing against him. He could hear water run in the kitchen as Dean’s mouth landed open and hot on his neck, making Castiel extend, pressing harder into him.

Dean slid an arm under him, taking a nipple between his thumb and finger as his other hand took his hard cock, stroking firm and rhythmic.

He bucked against the invasion, reaching his hand around to squeeze Dean’s thigh that was now over him.

“That feel good?” Dean growled in his ear.

“Yeah,” he panted, louder than he meant to.

Dean groaned back, stroking harder. “You better come quietly.”

Castiel gasped, gripping the pillow hard with his free hand, sliding his other hand back to almost reach Dean’s bare ass.

He realized with a start that Dean’s dick was pressed hard against his ass cheek, grinding and rutting. Castiel pressed harder into him, hearing Dean huff in his ear.

Footsteps in the hall did not deter either of them. He clutched Dean’s thigh hard and Dean sped up. He could hear someone in the bathroom and tried to stifle his moans. He bit onto the corner of the pillow in his hand, coming hard. Dean stroked him through several thrusts, cum shooting into the bed and slicking Dean’s hand.

“Fuck,” Dean growled into his neck. Castiel gasped, grabbing Dean’s hand to stop it from pumping anymore and making him scream.

Dean groaned, taking his hand off. He pulled his cum-slicked hand back, jacking himself against Castiel’s ass.

Castiel gasped when hot cum sprayed up his back. Castiel rolled quickly, stroking the last bit of orgasm from Dean, kissing his soft moans into silence.

“Fuuuck,” Dean muttered against his mouth. “Fuck.”

Castiel chuckled, dropping to his pillow. “Shit.”

They both lay there, wide-eyed as they came down.

“I’m gonna have to wait to get a washcloth,” Dean whispered, giggling.

Castiel fought a giggle from bursting out. “Why wasn’t I doing this sooner?”

Dean laughed.

They heard the toilet flush and water run in the bathroom. They exchanged a head shake.

Dean flinched hard when the door opened. Luckily they were both on their backs and covered by the blanket. “You boys awake?” Mary asked.

“Only since you decided to run water in every room,” Dean grinned.

She rolled her eyes with a smile. “It’s really stuffy in here. You might want to open a window.”

“Okay.” Dean didn’t make a move and she left, leaving the door open.

Castiel, who had not breathed let alone moved, let out a shocked whoosh of air.

Dean turned to look at him, almost laughing. “She left the door open,” he mouthed. “What the fuck?”

Castiel dissolved into a fit of laughter.

“Shh!” Dean laughed.

“Wait, wait,” Castiel managed, still laughing. He felt around on the floor, finding someone’s shorts. He slid them to Dean under the covers.

Dean put them on under the covers slowly, watching the open door like a hawk.

Dressed, he flung the covers back and opened the window. He disappeared and Castiel could only stare at the ceiling.

Un-fucking-believable.

Dean closed the door when he came back with a warm, wet cloth.

Castiel wiped himself clean again, Dean wiping his back. Dean pitched the washcloth to the windowsill. 

Castiel slipped his shorts on again and laid back in sheer exhaustion. “Dean.”

“Hm?” Dean barely managed, pulling him into his chest again.

“That was...”

“Too close?” Dean chuckled.

“That was so good. So good.” Castiel reveled in the feeling of Dean’s warm chest against his back and wiggled in tighter to fit perfectly against him.

“Yeah,” Dean whispered. “Yeah, it was.”

He grinned, gripping Dean’s hand tighter at his chest as he felt him kiss the back of his neck. Sleep took them both.

 

**********************************************************

 

Castiel woke the next morning with a smile on his face. It would have lasted longer if Gabe wouldn’t have bounded into the bed forgetting he wasn’t five and he wasn’t 40 pounds anymore.

“Aw! Aren’t you two so cute?”

Dean groaned, pushing Gabe over toward Castiel more. “Whadda ya want?” Dean groaned into his pillow. Luckily Dean had rolled over during the night and had not been spooning him.

“I wanna go to the boardwalk today!” Gabe bounced the bed. “Just us! It’s our last day. The moms are talking about laying around the beach and I wanna go have some fun!”

Castiel turned his head, looking at Dean. Dean groaned.

“Come on! Shopping! Chicks! Dudes! Games!”

“Alright,” Dean relented.

“And don’t forget the cotton candy and boardwalk fries!”

Castiel laughed at his brother. “You’re so annoying!”

“See! This is why me and Sam do the cool stuff out in the living room at night and you two dunderheads go ta sleeeeep, ‘cause you’re boring.”

Gabe shoved at Castiel’s general torso until he fought him off, pinning him to the bed. “I’m getting up,” Castiel complained.

“When?” Gabe wheezed from where he was pinned down.

“In ten minutes. Ten silent minutes.”

Gabe pouted but bit his lips together. Castiel grinned, letting him go, flopping back down, shoving Gabe back out.

“Where’d you get this?” Gabe asked, zeroing in on the forgotten hickey on Castiel’s neck.

Castiel groaned, dropping back on the bed. “Go away, Gabriel.”

“Wait...you didn’t have that yesterday.”

“Yes, Mom, I did,” Castiel snapped.

Gabe’s eyes flicked over to Dean.

“I hooked up with a guy at the barbecue restaurant.” Castiel stared at his brother. It was insanely unlikely that Castiel Novak could flirt and then manage to make out with a guy in less than an hour. In public, no less.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes. “Not buying it.”

“It was Dean,” Castiel smirked.

“I’d believe that if ya know, you weren’t so you and Dean was even a hint bi.” Gabe narrowed his eyes even further, but Castiel simply stared back at him. “Fine. Don’t tell me. But I’m gonna figure it out.”

“Maybe it was Sam,” Castiel added.

Gabe frowned at that. “No way.”

“I’m kidding, Gabe,” Castiel grinned, shaking his head.

“I know you are. You’re full of shit. That scumbag Luc isn’t here, is he?”

“No!” Castiel snapped. “And I’m not getting up until I get my ten silent minutes.”

Gabe grumbled off the bed and out the door.

“What the hell?” Dean said, eyes wide and face shocked.

“I don’t know. I figured it sounded so outlandish that he wouldn’t believe it. And he didn’t.”

Dean turned onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

So much had happened in one night. Now that it was daylight again, he wondered where he and Dean stood.

Castiel slid his hand over to Dean’s. Dean took it easily under the covers.

Castiel grinned a shy smile at him, getting a nervous one back from Dean.

 

****************************************

 

They were at the boardwalk by noon. Their first stop was for boardwalk fries. After standing in line a long time, they sat on one of the many benches lining the boardwalk, sharing a huge basket of fries.

There was a cool breeze off the ocean and clouds out to sea. It would probably rain sometime today. Dean had told the moms to call if they wanted to go anywhere, since they had to take the car to get to the boardwalk.

Gabe nudged Castiel’s elbow. “So... you managed to dodge Mom this morning. You gonna tell me who tagged your neck last night?”

“Yeah,” Sam frowned, leaning over Gabe to see him better.

“I had a crazy thing in the bathroom at the restaurant last night. It was kinda...all just looks at first, then he waved me over to the bathroom and... we kissed. Made out.”

Gabe stared at him with a penetrating look.

“What was his name? Is he a local?”

“His name’s Michael and he’s not from here. Just somebody else on vacation. I’m sure I’ll never see him again.” Castiel kept looking at the fries, trying for nonchalance.

“Did you get his number?” Sam asked.

“Uh...no. I forgot to ask him.”

“Oh man. It’s like Serendipity! You don’t know enough about him to find him again!”

“No,” Gabe shook his head. “That reference is totally off. For one, she gave the guy her number.”

“Yeah, but,” Sam argued. The pair went back and forth but Castiel didn’t know the movie they were talking about. He hated lying. Especially to Sam and Gabe. Why couldn’t he tell them? He and Dean were fine with what they were doing. So why did it have to be a complete secret.

He gave Dean a worried look, but Dean had his eye across the thin crowd of the boardwalk.

“I’ll catch up with you guys in a little bit,” Dean announced, getting to his feet. “You got money, Sam?”

“Yeah. Where you going?”

Dean gave his brother a look, Sam lifting his hands in surrender. 

“We’ll probably be at the amusement park.”

“Sounds good.” He walked off, heading back toward the entrance to the boardwalk.

“Your brother is being too quiet,” Gabe mused, watching Dean walk away.

“Yeah,” Sam agreed. “Something’s up with him. I think he’s kinda off because he graduated. He keeps talking about moving.”

“Moving where?” Castiel asked. This was the first he had heard about it.

“All kinds of places. Montana, South Dakota, Colorado.”

“What the hell’s in South Dakota?” Gabe asked.

“Nothing. That’s the point. He likes being alone.”

“So dramatic,” Gabe smirked.

Sam laughed. “Like you aren’t? Let’s see, I’ve heard you want to move to Atlantic City, Chicago, Detroit, or Vegas and open up a saloon.”

“Poker and prostitution!” Gabe grinned with a nod. “I’m gonna be rich.”

Sam laughed, but Castiel felt slightly lost. Dean wanted to move. Maybe that’s why he was so willing to try things with him. It didn’t really matter because he was moving. Castiel reasoned that it didn’t matter. When they got home, this little experiment was over.

“At least he has a good job. I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do when I graduate,” Gabe mused, more serious than normal.

Sam, putting a hand on his knee, looked just as serious. “I told you before, I’m gonna get that scholarship. I’m going to college and you’re coming with me.”

This was news to Castiel. Of course, he had been so self-absorbed lately that it was no wonder he was missing things. “What scholarship?” He asked.

“The one to Stanford,” they both answered.

“Seriously, Sam, what are you gonna do? Keep me in your closet? Dorms are pretty freakin’ small.” Gabe laughed, the humor not reaching his eyes at all. He stuffed some fries in his mouth.

“An apartment off campus. You’ll have to work, but...we can do it.” Sam looked convinced. So convinced, Gabe’s next grin was a real one.

“You coming with us Cassie?” Gabe asked, turning to him. “California!” He waggled his eyebrows.

Castiel grinned. “Is Stanford near the beach?”

“Yep,” they both answered.

Castiel looked out at the ocean. “Yeah. I’m in.”

“Yes!” Gabe grinned, ruffling Castiel’s hair. Castiel batted him away.

“Let’s go play some games before Gabe pukes from the rollercoaster,” Sam grinned.

Castiel nodded. “Let’s go.”

“I’m not gonna puke. One time! One time I got sick at an amusement park and suddenly everyone’s a critic!” Gabe guffawed.

“And the fair,” Sam added.

“And the fair the year before,” Cas said, stepping out of Gabe’s reach.

Gabe shook his head, accepting Castiel’s arm around his shoulders with only a slight elbow jab.

“Sam will hold your hair back,” Castiel grinned.

“Me? He’s your brother!” Sam laughed.

“You won’t hold my hair back, Samwich? I’m crushed! I thought we were friends like that!”

“I’ll hold your hair back,” Sam laughed, putting an arm around Gabe as well.

 

They played games, winning a few prizes. Castiel had excellent aim. So did Sam. Gabe was terrible but tried hard anyway.

At a ball toss game, Sam had won his way to the biggest prizes, huge stuffed animals hung from the little hut. “Which one?” Sam asked Gabe.

“You gotta get the snake! The black one!”

“You gonna win me a prize?” Dean whispered in his ear from behind him, startling him.

Fighting his heart rate down, his blush down, and swallowing the yelp that almost burst from him, he turned to Dean. “You scared the shit outta me.”

Dean grinned, propping his chin on Castiel’s shoulder. “I want the bear. With the ‘I wuv hugs’ t-shirt on.”

“You -”. Castiel glanced at the stuffed animals. There were bears of every color. Not as big as the long, fluffy snakes or giant stuffed sharks. But it looked softer. He grinned, imagining it sitting on Dean’s bed. “You wuv hugs?” Castiel grinned.

Dean gave him a little wink before standing up straighter and stepping back from him.

Gabe and Sam, laughing about their new snake, which Sam was wrapping around Gabe, hadn’t noticed a thing.

Castiel breathed a sigh of relief and focused. He had three balls left. If he got all three in the hole, he would win the bigger prize. He already had enough to get the bear.

He tried his best to ignore the fact that Dean was openly watching him. He tossed a ball. Score.

“Come on, Cas! We can have matching snakes!” Sam laughed.

Cas grinned. He scored the next ball.

“Almost there!” Gabe encouraged, still wrapped in black snake.

Castiel weighed his options. He tossed the ball, just missing the target.

“OOHH!” Gabe and Sam yelled. Dean only grinned.

“Almost!” The game host yelled. “Just five more dollars for five more tries!”

“I’ll take the blue bear,” Castiel grinned.

He took the soft bear, handing it to Dean. Dean smirked, sticking it under his arm. “Gee, thanks.”

“You wuv hugs?” Sam deadpanned.

Dean looked at the bear. “Apparently I do.”

“Cas, keep it,” Sam laughed.

“Why? You gave yours to Gabe.”

“No, I didn’t. He’s just holding it.”

“Yeah, forever,” Gabe grinned out from the fluffy black coils around his neck and shoulders.

“Bitch, that’s mine!” Sam laughed.

“Bitch, you gave it to me!” Gabe laughed, running toward the rides, Sam chasing him.

“I think my brother has a crush on your brother,” Dean said quietly.

Castiel watched the pair dodging through the crowd until Sam caught him. They tussled very lightly, then kept walking. Gabe still had the snake and Sam had made no moves to take it back.

“I think you’re right.” Gabe and Sam had always been close. But then again, they had all been really close. None of them had hang ups about sharing a couch or a bed. They were always tackling or hanging on each other. But they were all just really close. Right? 

“Gabe is going to Stanford with Sam if he gets the scholarship.”

“Really?” Dean grinned.

“You look happy about that,” Castiel said, surprised a bit.

Dean glanced at him. “Yeah. The thought of Sammy being in California...”

“Aw. You’re a good brother,” Castiel grinned.

Dean gave him a little smirk. Without warning, Dean steered him between two booths.

Pressed up against the wall, Castiel was not as caught off guard as he would have been yesterday. His breath still caught, and his eyes still went wide as Dean stepped up against him. “You look pretty good throwing balls,” Dean growled in his ear as one hand landed on his dick with precision so accurate it made Castiel gasp. Dean kissed him hard, swiping his tongue as Castiel’s head hit the building with a thud. The kiss was intense, and the grip Dean had on his cock had him unhinged in an instant.

Castiel kissed back but could only hold on and ride out the twenty seconds of Hurricane Dean. 

Dean stepped back with a wicked grin.

“You’re gonna kill me,” Castiel shuddered, taking a breath.

“Come on, we’re gonna lose the others.”

Castiel staggered a few steps after him before his footing returned to normal. “You’re gonna pay for that,” he muttered as they weaved through the crowd.

Dean merely grinned back at him. 

Cocky fucker.

 

They rode five rides before Gabe started looking green. He totally denied feeling sick, but he was getting pale and sweaty.

“Time for the arcade,” Dean suggested, giving Gabe a wary look.

“I’m good!” Gabe shook his head. “We could do the loop one again!”

“I don’t think so,” Sam grinned, putting a hand on Gabe’s shoulder. “Dean’s right. Let’s go play some games.”

“Whatever. That’s fine. I’m sayin’, I’m good ta go!”

Castiel and Sam patted his back, steering him toward the arcade.

The arcade was cool, bright, and loud. Sam and Dean played a monster shooting game, making the leader board and winning a ton of tickets.

After the long battle was lost to a particularly vicious werewolf, they wandered over to a shooting gallery.

“I’m gonna...go to the bathroom,” Gabe said, looking even more pale.

“I’ll go with you,” Castiel said, abandoning the gun he had just picked up.

“No, you play, Cas,” Sam offered. “I’ll go with him.”

“No, I’m good guys,” Gabe grinned weakly.

“Stubborn ass,” Castiel and Sam said, exchanging an exasperated grin. Sam followed Gabe through the crowd.

“You gonna play me?” Dean asked, watching them go.

“I’m gonna play WITH you,” Castiel grinned, blushing.

Dean laughed, not used to such comments coming from Castiel.

“Bring it on, gunslinger.”

They put their tokens in the slot, waiting for the green light. They shot as many bullseyes around the little gallery as they could within two minutes.

Castiel blew out a breath when the timed run was up. He had a pretty high score. He looked over at Dean’s, grinning.

“What?” Dean smirked.

“I can’t decide if you’d be hotter as a monster killer or a cowboy.”

Their eyes met, and Dean blushed slightly, making Castiel grin even harder. They took their tickets and Castiel took Dean’s hand, pulling him through the crowd quickly. 

“What game are you in such a hurry to play?” Dean laughed, half running to keep up.

Castiel did something he never would have done before. Something he never would have dreamed he’d do. He yanked open a ‘family restroom’ door, pulling Dean inside. He locked the door, slamming Dean up against it.

“My favorite new game,” he muttered, plying Dean with a kiss before pulling his shirt off. Dean let his shirt be pulled off easily enough, dropping the bear to the floor.

“Cas!” Dean laughed. Castiel cut anything else off with a heated kiss that had Dean’s hands pulling his shirt off.

He gripped Dean’s waistband with one hand and cupped the back of his neck with the other.

Dean gripped Castiel’s waistband in return, pulling him tighter against him, his other hand clawing across Castiel’s back.

“There’s no fuckin’ way you’re straight,” Castiel breathed out, kissing Dean again and biting his bottom lip because he fucking felt like it.

Dean whined. Castiel chuckled low. There was such power in the ability to affect someone. It wasn’t like making Luc laugh or fending off his advances. This was what he wanted. Dean. Wanting him.

The sound must have shocked Dean just as much. His mouth paused, his whole body going still. Dean’s eyes opened, going wide.

Castiel gave him a cocky grin. His hand cupped Dean’s erection.

“I-I bought you something,” Dean gasped.

Castiel stroked slowly. “What?”

“When I left...I went to a drugstore and...I bought lube.”

Castiel’s eyebrows shot up. “You bought lube.”

Dean shoved his hand in his pocket, pulling out a palm-size clear bottle of liquid.

Castiel slid his hand from Dean’s neck, down his chest and took the bottle. He studied the label, Dean, attempting to gain some composure.

Castiel flipped the lid up and squeezed some into his palm.

“I think you’re supposed to -” Dean whispered.

“Dean,” Castiel said firmly, “I’ve been gay a lot longer than you. I know how to use lube.”

“I’m not...” Dean snapped his mouth shut. “I just thought it might feel better. And everybody uses lube. Straight people, everybody. I just...never dreamed we’d need it.”

Castiel enjoyed his new position of power. He let go of Dean’s dick, turning him by his hand to face the door. Dean went easily, letting Castiel put his hand on the door. 

Castiel lowered Dean’s shorts, taking his thick, heavy cock in his hand, smoothing lube over it.

“Oh shit,” Dean said faintly, his knees bending slightly.

Castiel ran his tongue down the side of Dean’s neck, biting the junction to his shoulder as he stroked slow and firm.

Dean groaned, his head dipping down, then tipping back against Castiel.

“You ever used lube before?” Castiel asked in a husky voice in Dean’s ear.

“N-no,” Dean managed, eyes closed and turning to putty in Castiel’s arms.

“Feels so good. Makes everything slick. Smooth. Glides so good.”

Dean braced himself with both hands on the door, letting his body press back into Castiel’s. 

Castiel closed his eyes. The weight of Dean in his arm, the feel of his slick cock sliding through his hand, the way his own dick pressed hard against Dean’s ass...it all felt so good. Soooo good.

Dean moaned as Castiel changed his grip slightly, swiping over the head with a squeeze.

“It’s your turn to keep quiet,” Castiel huffed, stroking faster.

Dean’s hips were canting in a solid rhythm. “It’s loud out there.”

“Fine,” Castiel breathed. “Get as loud as you want.” He let the lube make squelching sounds with each stroke of Dean’s dick.

Dean whined again, long and petulant, his hands fisting against the door.

“God, I love hearing you.” Castiel kept one hand against Dean’s chest, bracing him while the other worked hard to unravel him. “I want...oooohhhh, what I really want is to get down on my knees and suck your dick.”

Dean locked up, a filthy moan hitched, and he came hard, writhing in Castiel’s arms. Castiel stroked him as he bucked through wave after wave and stopped his hand.

“Stopstopstop. Fuuuck,” he panted.

Castiel stepped back pulling his own shorts down and stroked twice, coming hard on the floor. Dean had turned, leaning his back against the wall, watching him. His face was flushed, and his mouth hung open, still breathing hard.

“Jesus, Cas.”

Castiel backed against the nearest wall, head back and softening dick still in his hand. “Shit.”

Neither said a word as they washed off and redressed. They wiped the door and floor clean and both flinched when someone jiggled the locked doorknob.

“Cas,” Dean whispered.

Castiel looked at him, worry most likely evident as what had just happened sunk in. What he had said. And how badly he meant it.

Dean shook his head looking almost bewildered. “We gotta slow down. I...”

Castiel bit his lip, his stomach clenching hard with worry.

“This isn’t what was supposed to happen,” Dean muttered. “I can’t...”

Castiel looked at the floor, too ashamed to meet Dean’s eye. He flinched when Dean stepped over and put a hand on his shoulder.

“I should have slowed down sooner. I just...can’t seem to stop myself.”

“Sorry,” Castiel whispered.

“No, no,” Dean grinned. “I just meant...I should have taken more time with you. I feel like I’m bulldozing my way through this. I wanted to make sure you felt safe and got what you deserve.”

“I feel safe,” Castiel said, meeting his eyes. “I always have felt safe with you.”

Dean pulled him into his arms for a hug. “You do?” 

“Yes, Dean. Did I go too far?”

“No.” He kissed Castiel’s temple, holding him tight. “I just don’t know what to do with this, Cas.”

Castiel hugged him tighter. “We can talk about it tonight. For now, no more...lube.”

Dean chuckled, letting him go. “Yeah. Time out until bedtime.” He stopped Cas from opening the door. “Cas. I’m not sorry we did any of this. I’m only sorry I...I didn’t know. I didn’t know I liked you...or any guy for that matter, like that. I...”

Castiel took mercy on Dean’s stammering. “It’s okay, Dean. Let’s...we can figure it out later, okay?”

Dean nodded.

Castiel put the lube in his pocket. “We better find Gabe and Sam.”

Dean nodded, checking the bathroom one last time. He picked up his bear and they headed out the door.

Back in the loud music and flashing game lights, they were barely five steps when Sam waved.

They met by the Pac-Man machine.

“There you are. You guys look like you aren’t feeling good either,” Sam frowned. 

Castiel and Dean exchanged a shrug. “I’m good,” Dean offered, “but Gabe still looks kinda pukey.”

Gabe rolled his eyes, then winced. 

“We better head back,” Castiel suggested. “It’s getting late anyway. The moms are going to want dinner.”

They all nodded agreement, heading for the car. Castiel rode in back, Gabe stretched out with his head on Castiel’s lap.

“I suck at rides,” Gabe groaned.

Castiel tucked Gabe’s hair behind his ear. “We warned you.”

Gabe pouted, making Castiel grin softly. “You’ll feel better when we get back.”

“You didn’t miss anything Gabe, it’s starting to rain,” Sam said, looking back at him over the front seat.

“You aren’t going to puke, are you?” Dean asked, looking in the rearview mirror nervously.

“Quit talking about it, so I quit thinking about it!” Gabe griped.

He held the stuffed snake like a life preserver the whole way back to the house.

Once inside, Gabe crashed on the couch while the rest of them cleaned up from their sweaty day on the boardwalk. Mary and Naomi had come inside an hour ago and were, in fact, ready for dinner.

“How about we get carry-out,” Mary offered, “and bring dinner back here?”

They all agreed that would be perfect.

Mary, Dean, and Naomi went for dinner.

Castiel and Sam started packing up all the beach gear for their early morning leave.

“I don’t want to go back home,” Sam said, staring out at the rain. The ocean crashed loudly onto the empty beach.

“Me either,” Castiel sighed.

Sam turned, leaning against the porch railing with two beach towels folded in his arms. “Cas? Can we talk for a minute?”

Castiel’s hands froze on the beach blanket he was folding. Sam knew. Shit. Shitshitshit.

“Of course,” Castiel said nervously.

“I...”. Sam scrunched his mouth, running a hand back through his hair. “I think...”

Castiel’s eyes were wide.  
I think you like my brother? I think you need to stay away? I think you’re gross? I think I hate you?

“Well,” Sam stammered, still not looking at him, “I know...”

I know you like my brother? I know you think you were quiet? I know I said being gay was fine but it’s not? I know I don’t want to hang around you anymore? Castiel’s mind raced.

Sam sighed heavily. “I kinda have a thing for Gabe.”

What?

Sam looked up at him, his face creasing into further worry at whatever Castiel’s face was doing at that instant.

“Gabe?” Castiel stammered. “Gabe!”

Sam watched him, an eyebrow climbing hesitantly.

Castiel broke out in a huge grin. “You like Gabe.”

Sam glanced back nervously, then looked at him again, nodding.

Castiel’s chest inflated again. “Oh.”

“Dinner’s here!” They heard Mary call.

“Shit, that was fast,” Sam frowned. He turned back to Castiel with a worried look. “It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?”

“No!” Castiel grinned. “No, it’s great, Sam. I think he likes you too. I think he has for a long time.”

“Really?” Sam asked, his face lighting up.

“He hasn’t said so. But…he liked his prize you won him pretty well.”

Sam grinned. “I’ve given Gabe tons of stuff over the years.”

“Yeah, but...it just looked different.”

The door opened, making them both startle slightly. “Dinner’s ready, dweebs,” Dean grinned.

“Coming,” Sam said, grabbing the towels and following him inside. In the doorway, seeing Dean had gone to the kitchen, Sam hesitated with a guilty look on his face. “I know you have a crush or whatever on Dean. He’s a lost cause really. Sorry. If he didn’t have a girlfriend, I’d try to hook you two up. But he’s not as open-minded as the rest of us. He hasn’t been giving you a hard time, has he?”

Castiel tried to hide some of his shock. “No, he’s been...nice.”

“Good,” Sam’s shoulders relaxed. He stepped back onto the porch looking worried again. “Do you think I’ll mess up our friendship? If I...do anything with Gabe?”

Castiel was still stuck on the word ‘girlfriend’. Dean had a girlfriend. He knew this was all temporary, whatever it was they had, but...he had a girlfriend?

“It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?” Sam went on, still worried.

“No,” Castiel snapped back into focus. “Just...give it a try. It won’t ruin your friendship. Unless, ya know, you cheat on him or something.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Sam said defensively.

“I know you wouldn’t. That’s not what I meant.” What he meant was, Dean was fooling around with him on the side, while lying to his girlfriend! What a jerk. “I just meant, you and Gabe wouldn’t hurt each other like that, so, you won’t ruin your friendship.”

Sam nodded. “Thanks, Cas.”

“I didn’t know Dean had a girlfriend.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Brooke. She’s okay, I guess. He stays at her house half the time. Mom gets all pissed about him sleeping there.”

Castiel nodded, following him into the house, taking a seat at the busy table. Gabe had perked up substantially after his nap. They ate subs and shared a bag of chips. 

The entire meal, Cas had two thoughts circling in his head. Dean had told him he broke up with Brooke. Sam said he slept at her house a lot. His insides burned with frustration. Holding his hand was one thing. They’d basically had sex. Several times. And so the thoughts swirled as everyone around him acted normal.

Luckily, Dean didn’t try to play footsie with his balls under the table. Lucky for Dean because he might have pulled back a bloody stub if he even tried. Castiel felt angry. Used. And there was nothing he could really do about it. He had entered into this little game knowing it was a secret. No wonder it was such a secret. Not only was Dean ashamed to be with him, he had a freaking girlfriend.

The chemistry between Sam and Gabe was quite evident now that he was paying attention to it. What might have struck him as normal friendship stuff, looked a little more like flirting now.

They cleaned up dinner and headed for the porch, watching the rain on the ocean, playing cards, and Dean picking at his guitar.

He boxed up his thoughts for the betterment of the group and to try to end the trip on a good note.

Mary brought out a box of sparklers. “Remember when these were the biggest hit of the night?”

Naomi grinned. “Seems like only yesterday.”

“Are you kidding? These are the best!” Gabe laughed, taking the box and distributing the little sparklers. Castiel and Sam took two each and Dean looked at Gabe like he was a moron. “Come on, Dean,” Gabe teased, “you know you wanna!”

Dean rolled his eyes, putting the guitar down and took four. “Light me up.”

Mary lit them, like when they were kids. The rain had slowed into a chilly drizzle. Gabe took off across the sand, laughing. Sam, Castiel, and Dean quickly joined him, waving their sparklers like swords and magic wands, writing their names, and in general, dancing around like they were four years old again.

“My light went out,” Castiel laughed, coming to a stop. Dean jogged up to him with a grin and a lighter, lighting him again. 

“There ya go, sparky,” Dean grinned, leaning in and kissing him.

It was soft and quick and completely honest. Castiel’s eyes opened as sparks rained down on either side of them.

It took what felt like a mini lifetime, which was only a few heartbeats, before Dean realized what he had just done. His grin stuttered as he turned to look at the porch, then Sam and Gabe.

The drizzle and crash of the waves came back to Castiel’s awareness abruptly as he followed Dean’s gaze.

Sam and Gabe were dodging lapping waves at the ocean’s edge. Neither caring about their siblings up the shore. The moms seemed to have missed it. Dean turned back to Castiel with a look of relief.

“Damn, that was close.”

Castiel could still feel the trace of Dean on his lips, but his heart had gone cold. “You’ll have to be careful you don’t do that in front of your girlfriend.”

Dean’s brow knit. “My girlfriend?”

Castiel watched with detachment as his sparkler sputtered out, Dean’s only a second after.

“Sam just happened to mention you have a girlfriend.”

Dean stepped back with a look of worry.

“I know I was fun to ‘play around with’, but I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

“It didn’t stop you on the Fourth of July from kissing me, did it?” Dean snapped.

Castiel stepped back in shock. “That was...a kiss! And yes, you’re right, it was wrong too. But Dean...I have done a lot more than kiss you.”

Dean looked away, tossing his dead sparkler. By the time he looked back, Castiel knew there was more than rain on his own cheeks. 

Dean’s face fell, and he stepped closer. “Cas.”

Castiel stepped back, pushing his reaching hand away. “I knew this meant nothing to you. I kept warning myself. But I can’t help feeling like you’re cheating on your girlfriend. I don’t want to be that guy.”

Dean strode forward more purposefully, grabbing Castiel by the wrist. “That’s not -”

“Hey,” Sam huffed, jogging up to them. “You got a light?” His eyes darted to Dean’s hand holding onto Castiel’s wrist. Castiel pulled away, heading straight for the house quickly.

“What happened?” He heard Sam ask, Dean answering, “Nothing.”

Castiel forced his tears away, swiping his hands over his face as he stepped onto the porch. “Night, Mom. Night, Mary!”

He didn’t hear anything they said as he went inside and shut himself in the bedroom. He paced in front of the door, glaring at the bed he had shared with Dean. He started packing his bag. They were leaving in the morning, he should have packed it sooner anyway. Now he crammed everything in.

He could pack and sleep in the car. Or the porch. He certainly wasn’t sleeping here. His hands shook slightly as the reality of just what he had been doing with Dean hit him. They had all-but had sex. They came together. They went all the way. Everything but penetration. And Dean was probably having sex with Brooke.

The door opened and Dean came in quickly, shutting and locking it.

“Are you gonna even give me a chance to talk?” Dean barked in a whispered yell.

Castiel stopped, straightening up and staring at him. He schooled the anger off his face, fighting for something more neutral. 

“Sam and my mom think I’m still going out with Brooke.” Dean took the still-open bag from Castiel’s arms, tossing it on the bed. “I broke up with Brooke a week after I kissed you.”

Castiel nodded, biting his lip slowly. “So... where do you sleep when you aren’t home? Sam says you’re gone half the time.”

A frustrated look crossed Dean’s face before it dropped into a sadder frown. “I’ve been staying at my dad’s.”

“Your dad’s?” Sam and Dean had dreaded their one mandated weekend a month for as long as he could remember. They always came home in terrible moods. Sam butt heads with him all the time. Dean had fought with him several times, almost ending their court-ordered visits several times. Their dad was a drunk. A mean one. Castiel had met him a few times. Neither he or Gabe were ever allowed to go there after one visit that had Gabe flashing back to his own abusive father and Castiel afraid of the man. 

Dean ran his hands through his hair, pacing in a circle. “My dad got in a car accident. He was drunk and hit a tree. He wrecked his car and messed up his leg. He won’t go to the doctor because he’s never sober enough. He lost his job. I’ve been helping him get groceries and helping take care of him. I didn’t tell Mom or Sam because...if I do, he’ll lose what little custody he has.”

Castiel stood there a moment, unsure what to think or do. Dean could be lying. But he looked too rattled.

“I can’t tell them. I know he’s a lousy dad sometimes...but...he’s my dad.”

“And lying about where you’re going at night, whose idea was that?”

Dean shrugged. “I’d get so tired doing everything he needed done. So... I said I was at Brooke’s. I never told them we broke up.”

“Why?” Castiel asked, starting to worry about what Dean was actually dealing with day to day.

Dean shrugged. “I didn’t want to explain why.”

Castiel swallowed. “Why did you break up?”

Dean rubbed a nervous hand across the back of his neck. “Because. She said I was a lousy boyfriend.”

Castiel nodded. 

Dean sat down on the bed looking exhausted. “After what happened on the Fourth of July, I... I just couldn’t...”

A cavern of hope nearly brought Castiel to his knees. “Because of me?” He whispered, afraid to speak a hope so fragile too loud.

Dean met his gaze head on. His hands fumbled in his lap. “Yeah.”

A laugh of elated disbelief punched from him as his stomach clenched.

Dean gave him a shaky, worried look.

Castiel stepped over to him, leaning down to kiss him. “For that? For kissing you?” Castiel whispered.

Dean stood up, collecting Castiel in his arms, turning and falling onto the bed with him. Dean kissed him hungrily, gripping his hair with one hand and holding him with the other. 

Castiel chased after every kiss, holding Dean as close as he could.

“Yes. For this.” Dean kissed him harder.

Castiel held Dean’s face in his hands. “Why didn’t you say anything? You avoided me after that!”

Dean’s eyes searched his face. “Because! I’m not...I didn’t think I was really into guys. I really didn’t. But...”

Castiel’s chest exploded with hope. He kissed him again. Dean hadn’t been just fooling around with him. He just didn’t know what he was doing!

“Did Sam figure out we’ve been foolin’ around?” Dean asked, pulling up, staring down into Castiel’s grinning face. 

“No. He said he has a thing for Gabe and told me he was sorry his brother was such a closed-minded Neanderthal.”

“Really. Maybe I should show him just how much I’ve grown.”

Castiel slid a confident hand around Dean’s side, groping him. “You have grown,” he giggled, squeezing the hardening dick in his hand.

Dean chuckled back, kissing him deeply.

After a few minutes of kissing that had Castiel panting and grinding against Dean, Dean pulled back, sliding off to the side to just look at him.

“What?” Castiel asked softly.

“If we...keep doing this at home...I can’t tell anyone yet.”

“Why?”

Dean sighed. “If I tell them I broke up with Brooke, they’ll need to know where I am at night. And this isn’t going to work. Your mom isn’t going to let me stay over. And I have to have a reason to be gone at night. I can’t tell them about Dad. He’s getting better, but he still needs a lot of help.”

Castiel frowned at the thought. “I think you should tell them the truth.”

“I can’t. I promised him I wouldn’t.” Dean looked down, rubbing a hand across Castiel’s chest. “I promised.”

Castiel nodded. All he wanted was this. Dean wanting him as bad as he wanted Dean. “I guess we’ll make ‘sneaking around’ a new game.”

Dean grinned crookedly.

“But I want it known, for the record, that I won this game.”

Dean gave him a steady look. “It’s not a game to me. Not anymore.”

Castiel swallowed a bubble of hope, letting it lodge in his chest with his heart. “Alright, Dean. I’ll do whatever you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter coming on Sunday!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! One of the hardest parts of this fic has been not sharing Dean’s perspective on things. Let me just say, he’s dong the best he can.  
> And sometimes you really just have to fuck everything up before you can figure it all out.

8:

 

Their last night at the beach was a good bit calmer than the others. While Dean did kiss him for what seemed like all night, and they brought each other again to climax, they spent the wee hours of the morning sleeping, cuddling, and touching.

The ride home was long but Castiel had never felt so sated and happy in his entire life.

Dean even snuck in a quick kiss at one of the gas stations they stopped at. The moms seemed none the wiser. Gabe and Sam were too absorbed with each other to notice the nirvana on Castiel’s face. He had spied them holding hands in the back seat. He had to grin at how sweet they both were.

Once they were home, Castiel blamed his blue mood on school and post vacation blahs. The truth of the matter was, he was a complete addict. He needed Dean like a fix. 

Dean left for ‘Brooke’s’ the night they got home and didn’t come home for two days. Castiel knew he was working and helping his dad, but Sam just rolled his eyes about Dean being so gone on Brooke.

August was over, and September was passing by quickly. He applied to a few colleges, hoping for any help he could get. He and Dean texted daily but they struggled to sneak away to meet each other.

Once or twice a week, Dean would steal him away in his car. They’d park somewhere and make out. Castiel’s biggest fear was that Dean would tire of how hard it was to keep him a secret and just end it.

Sam and Gabe were always together when they weren’t working or in class. It wasn’t much different than how they had all functioned before.

He (with Gabe’s back-up and support) told his mom everything except that he and Dean were a thing. He didn’t have the heart to explain their secrecy. Besides, it would have been a secret she would have to keep from Mary. Gabe confessed his bi-curious phase and did admit to dating Sam.

Apparently, he and Sam had coordinated their news and were just waiting for Castiel to be on board. With all the fresh information, Naomi was supportive but quiet. She said the right words but seemed apprehensive about being totally on board.

 

It was the first of October when Castiel jerked in his sleep, grabbing Gabe’s vibrating phone before it fell to the floor.

“Hello?” He whispered.

“Gabe? It’s Chuck. I fucked up. I did a bad thing, man. A bad thing.”

Castiel threw a pillow, hitting Gabe to wake him up.

“Where are you?”

Chuck let out a worried, trembly whine. Gabe sat up, looking at Castiel in confusion.

“Chuck, buddy, where are you? I’ll come get you.”

“I’m at a frat party. I don’t know where I am!” He was whispering frantically as Gabe got up, pulling a shirt on and grabbing his shoes.

“I’m in some girl’s room. She’s sleeping and ...I want to go home!”

Castiel huffed a laugh. “Just go downstairs and walk outside to the porch.”

Castiel handed the phone to Gabe so he could get a shirt on and grab his shoes.

“You’re a pain in the dick,” Gabe snapped at Chuck. “You gotta quit getting so trashed you don’t know where the fuck you are or what you did.”

Castiel could hear Chuck talking, but not what he was saying. 

“Are you on the porch yet?” Gabe yawned. “Chuck? You alright?”

Gabe rolled his eyes, pulling the phone away from his mouth. “He just fell down some stairs.”

Castiel looked mildly worried at that. 

“He’s fine,” Gabe added a minute later as they snuck down the stairs and out the front door.

It was 2am and the neighborhood was quiet. It was a Thursday night, and he was surprised to see Dean, Benny, Charlie, and a few others hanging around Dean’s car.

“Looks like we’re the only losers not partying tonight,” Gabe grumbled.

Castiel paused at the passenger side door, staring across the street. Charlie waved, and Dean caught his eye. Castiel waved back feeling sad by the sight. Why couldn’t they just tell their friends?

He got in the car and looked up the address Gabe gave him. It was a short drive. They did the usual when they found him, Castiel driving while Gabe helped Chuck into the car and sat in back with him.

“Where are we delivering him?” Castiel asked, “ya know what, never mind. We’re taking him to Sam’s. Looked like they were already having a party. What’s one more drunken lush.”

“Aw, Cassie got up cranky,” Gabe grinned.

“I’m sorry, Castiel,” Chuck sighed. “I gotta stop doing this. I drink and... I just go overboard.”

“I think you just like to make sure I’m sleep deprived,” Gabe grinned.

“You always make it better,” Chuck sniffled, dropping his head on Gabe’s shoulder. “I love you, man. You’re my best friend. Like...ever.”

“I know,” Gabe grinned, wrapping an arm around his sleepy, sniffly friend. “I love you too, you pain in the ass.”

Castiel almost slammed on the breaks as he pulled in. Dean was leaning against the side of the house with his arm around a girl’s shoulders. 

“Son of a bitch,” Castiel swore, throwing the car door open, slamming it shut and crossing the street with one thing and one thing only on his mind. He was going to punch Dean in the face.

Dean (and everyone else) seeing him coming like a hell storm, looked at him in shock.

Dean pulled away from the girl, heading around the car to cut him off. “Hey, Cas.”

“Don’t touch me,” Castiel snapped, shoving Dean’s arm away as he attempted to put it around him and walk him in another direction.

“Chill out,” Dean snapped back, redirecting him as he had intended to do.

“Who is that?” Castiel demanded.

“Just a friend of Charlie’s. She’s no one.”

Castiel jerked to a halt, shoving Dean against the house, his jacket fisted in his hands. “I hope she’s worth it. Don’t text me. Don’t call me. I’m done sneaking around for you.” He shoved Dean one last time, thankful he did not follow him.

Castiel got back in the car and left. He left Dean to figure out how to explain his outburst away. Left him to hang on another girl. Left him to be his straight self he wanted to portray to the world so bad. He was sick of sneaking around. Lying. Hiding. He’d had it. He drove as far as he could and as long as he could to get himself away. 

He had no idea where he was when he stopped at a park. He got out of the car, coat billowing behind him in the on-coming fall chill. He sat on a bench, staring at the playground equipment. Dew clung to the metal bars of the merry-go-round, the swings, the slide, and the very bench he sat on. 

He hated the reminder of his childhood. All the times he spent at parks with Sam, Gabe, Chuck, Kevin, and Dean. A jolt of sadness filled him. He and Dean had ruined something they could never have back.

He pulled his phone out, seeing he had five missed calls from Dean, two voicemails, and a text. He had twelve missed calls and eight texts from Gabe.

Dean: Get back here  
Gabe: where are you going? What the hell happened?  
Gabe: so, thanks for telling me you’ve been screwing Dean for several months.  
Gabe: Dean’s freaking out. You really need to call.  
Gabe: Mom knows everything.  
Gabe: where are you?  
Gabe: Cassie, I know you’re mad. Dean’s a dick. But he just met that girl. Nothing happened. I need to know you’re okay. Fuck Dean. I want to know if you’re okay.  
Gabe: mom went back to bed. Mary found out too. I think the whole fucking neighborhood is up. Sam says to come home. Dean left. Please text me Cassie.  
Gabe: I’m freaking out. Please text me.

Castiel groaned. 

Cas: Gabe I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m okay.  
Cas: How did the moms get involved? Shit. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help. I just needed some space.  
Gabe: Are you okay?  
Cas: I’ll be fine.  
Gabe: come home. Mom is freaking. And I think we’re both grounded for life. Or until we graduate. 

Castiel slid the phone back in his pocket.  
He had done exactly what he had lectured himself for months that he couldn’t do. He had somehow gotten Dean called out by his mom. He might have overreacted about the whole situation. And now everything was a mess. Being grounded was a comforting thought. He could live in his room forever. At least he wouldn’t fuck anything else up.

He headed home, unsure what to expect. He felt like a layer of protection had been taken from him. Like he was more exposed.

 

Castiel got home at 4:30 in the morning. He didn’t bother to sneak in. He locked the front door and threw the keys on the table by the door. He trudged up the steps and fell into bed.

Not even the angry tirade that was his mother could get him out of bed the next day. She tried being firm. She tried being nice. And she tried being harsher than Castiel ever remembered her being.

Castiel did not go to school.

He did not get up.

By that evening, Castiel had managed to sit at the desk in their room. He listened to a long lecture about keeping secrets. About talking more. About safe sex. About how this may have ruined things between the Novak’s and the Winchesters.

Through it all, Castiel said very little. He also noticed Dean’s car had not been home since he got here early in the morning.

The next day, he went to school. He walked with Gabe and Sam, who stayed side by side, saying little to him. He knew Kevin and Chuck had been filled in on what had happened. His lonely day continued with detention over lunch for not having homework done.

He could tell Sam was angry with him. Probably because when Dean spilled his guts about ‘everything’, he only told them half the truth. He told them he and Dean had hooked up...behind Brooke’s back. That Cas had misread the situation because he was jealous. But all Sam got from it was, his best friend had a crush on his brother so long that he was willing to screw around with him whether he had a girlfriend or not. Castiel wasn’t correcting any of it. Even if he was angry at Dean, he was willing to keep his stupid secret. Somewhere, in his torment of frustration, he knew the situation with ‘Brooke’ was temporary. For now, he would just have to endure Sam’s disappointment in him.

Chuck found him before lunch the next day. “Cas? Can we talk?”

“Of course,” he said quietly, stepping out of the crowd to stand along the wall with him.

“I just wanted to tell you that I feel bad for causing all these problems. If it wasn’t for me, you and Dean would still be okay or whatever and Sam wouldn’t be mad and...”

Castiel shook his head. “No. It was all bound to blow up. It wasn’t your fault.”

Chuck looked unsure but went on anyway. “Well, I’m not drinking any more. At all. I don’t want to end up like my dad. Drunk and alone all the time.”

Cas grinned at that. “That sounds like a good plan.”

Chuck nodded. “I don’t know why I always go so overboard with it. But it’s not worth it. I have plans. I’m going to be a writer someday. A good one. Not a drunk, lonely one. Who knows...maybe I can get my dad to snap out of it too.”

“I hope so,” Cas grinned. “I believe in you, Chuck.”

He grinned at the floor. “I believe in you too, Cas. I know this will all work out. Somehow.”

Cas nodded, patting him with a grin. “I hope so.”

 

The week continued, every day going by, Dean didn’t come home.

Friday evening, his mom still at work, Sam banged on the front door. Castiel waited at the top of the steps as Gabe answered the door.

“Sam, what’s wrong?” Gabe asked as Sam stepped inside.

“We can’t find Dean. I went to Brooke’s. Apparently, they broke up over the summer. I’m worried. He won’t answer my phone.”

Gabe hugged him, his hand flexing in his long hair. “We’ll find him.”

“He’s not at Benny’s. I went to my Uncle Bobby’s garage.” Sam’s voice trembled. “He hasn’t been to work all week. Called off sick Monday morning and hasn’t been heard from since.”

Castiel hadn’t even realized he was slowly coming down the steps until Sam and Gabe looked at him.

“I might know where he is.”

Sam gave him an angry, frustrated look. “More secrets, Cas? You better start talking.”

“At the beach, Dean said he had broken up with Brooke when we kissed on the Fourth of July.”

“I thought you were just messing around with him behind her back,” Sam admitted.

Castiel shook his head. “I couldn’t say anything because Dean asked me to keep it secret. He’s been staying at your dad’s.”

“What?” Sam stepped back in disbelief.

“Your dad wrecked his truck. He hurt himself in the crash and won’t go to the hospital or to a doctor. Dean didn’t want you or your mom to know because his custody would have been taken away.”

Sam blinked in shock. “Dean always did defend him to the end. He acts like dad’s approval matters more than anything. He...damnit!”

“Let’s go get him,” Gabe said seriously. 

“No, you two are grounded. I’ll go,” Sam shook his head.

“Fuck that,” Gabe snapped. Castiel was already putting his coat on. “Let’s go.”

Chuck and Kevin were waiting on the porch for Sam. They threw together a quick plan. Chuck stole the keys to his dad’s car, the four heading out of town where John Winchester lived.

As Sam directed Chuck where to go, Castiel’s nerves mounted. Sam had a lot of questions about his dad, few of which Castiel could answer. “He said his leg was hurt. And he seemed like he wanted to help him. I thought maybe it would bring them closer.”

Sam shook his head. “We don’t talk about my dad because he’s toxic. Especially for Dean.”

Castiel worried he had truly done the wrong thing reacting the way he had.

“What ever happened to that girl Dean was hanging all over?” 

Sam turned around from the front seat. “That was Dorothy, Charlie’s new girlfriend.”

Castiel sat back. “Shit.”

“Charlie chewed Dean out pretty good. The more he explained what you and he had been doing, the more she yelled. She thinks Dean took advantage of you.”

Castiel frowned. “That’s not true.”

Sam did not look convinced. “Quit keeping secrets from us, Cas. You have no idea the damage my dad can do in a weekend. Let alone a freaking week.”

“Why couldn’t you just try dating?” Gabe asked.

“Because...Dean was straight. He was just helping me not be so painfully backwards. I tried a little, but everybody hates Luc! And then Dean and I...it just...”

“Dean fell for my shy little brother,” Gabe snickered.

“I think he did,” Castiel admitted.

“He did,” Gabe and Sam said loudly. “It was pretty obvious the night you ‘busted’ him.”

Castiel groaned. “Why do I keep messing this up so bad?”

“It wasn’t all you. Dean has some explaining to do too,” Gabe glared.

“Please don’t yell at him,” Castiel said, his head lifting as they turned down the gravel road he had not seen in years. “We’re here.”

The car pulled to a stop at the small, run-down house.

“You guys should wait in the car,” Sam said.

Castiel was already out and heading to the door by the time Sam stopped talking.

“Here we go,” Gabe sighed, getting out.

Sam caught up to Castiel, grabbing his arm. Castiel took the hint, at least letting Sam open the door and go in first.

The smell of stale beer filled the air. It was dark inside with the curtains drawn, dark brown paneling and dark brown carpet. Trash sat around the coffee table, couch and chair. Empty beer cans littered the living room and kitchen.

“Dad! Dean!” Sam called.

They filed through the living room, following Sam back the hall to a tiny bedroom the two shared when they stayed here. One bed was made and empty. The other bed was messy and contained one passed out Dean.

“Dean,” Sam said gently. He shook his leg.

“Sammy?” He mumbled, turning to look at him. 

Sam’s face fell. Castiel pushed his way to Dean’s side.

“Dean! What happened?”

Dean pulled back. A huge purple bruise framed his right eye. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“No one has seen you all week!” Sam exclaimed. 

“So, you brought Cas here?” He glanced around the room, wincing slightly. “And Gabe!”

“And Kevin and Chuck are outside,” Gabe added. “Is your piece of shit dad here?” Gabe turned from the room, heading for John’s room. “Where’d he go?” Gabe yelled.

“Out.” Dean flopped back in his bed.

Castiel put a gentle hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Did your dad hit you?”

“We got in a fight,” Dean muttered, not looking at him. “You should see his stupid face.”

“When?” Sam asked.

“When I got here. Came over to get the hell outta that circus Cas started. Blew up at dad. Told him...God. I blabbed about everything.”

“You told Dad you’re gay?” Sam balked.

“No. Told him about me and Cas though.”

Sam sighed. “Call it what you want, but I know that’s all dad heard. Dean, my good soldier of a son is gay. You shoulda let me go first, Dean. He already thinks I’m worthless.”

“He doesn’t think you’re worthless.” Dean turned to look at his brother. “You can’t tell Mom,” Dean sighed.

“Oh, we’re done with that shit,” Sam snapped. “Everybody knows everything from here on out. No more secret or fake relationships. No more protecting Dad from what you don’t want people to see! Or Mom! OR ME!”

“Alright,” Gabe soothed, stepping back in. “Let’s get outta here. Anything here you want?”

“No,” Sam scoffed. “Nothing.”

“We’ll be in the car. Can you get him out of here?” Gabe asked Castiel quietly.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Dean snapped.

“I’ll handle it,” Castiel said, holding a hand out to stop Gabe from coming in any further.

Gabe took Sam by the hand, pulling him away.

Castiel took a deep breath as the front door banged behind the leaving pair. 

“Get out of here, Cas.”

Dean’s eyes were cold and hard. It was tempting to react with anger. Castiel unclenched his fists and sat on the edge of the bed. “Dean, I’m so sorry I overreacted. What I did was wrong.”

“Yeah, you can be quite a dick.”

Castiel frowned. He swallowed all the fear and anger that threatened to boil over. “If you won’t leave, then I won’t either.”

Dean turned an incredulous look at him. “Are you trying to get me killed?”

“Is that what your dad said?”

Dean grimaced. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

Castiel smirked. “So are you.” He reached out to put a gentle hand to Dean’s purple bruise by his eye. Dean grabbed his wrist but gentled his grasp. Castiel turned his hand, sliding it into Dean’s hand. 

“I don’t want you to be here,” Dean whispered, staring at the wall, away from him.

“I don’t want you to be here.” Castiel tried not to scan the room as much as he was. There was a shirt with blood on it. He hated it here. He always had. “So...am I getting in bed with you? Or am I dragging you out of here?”

“Thought you hated me. You said I’m a cheater. That I took advantage of you.” 

The hurt in Dean’s eyes hurt him to the core. “I was wrong about Dorothy. I’m so sorry.”

Dean’s annoyance faded. “You were right about me being wrong for messing around with you. I just thought I could teach you a thing or two but...” he pulled Castiel’s hand to his mouth, kissing it. “I learned a whole lot more than I knew. I don’t want to hurt you, Cas. I really think you should go.” Dean turned to him finally, eyes full of worry.

“And leave you here? No. I’m not leaving.”

“My dad will kick you out. And... who knows what he’ll do to me.”

“It’s over, Dean. You can’t be here. Is he the one that hit you?”

Dean nodded.

Castiel stemmed his anger. “I will not leave here without you. Dean...I overreacted. The secrecy is killing me.” His head dropped, not wanting to put more pressure on Dean. “Everyone at home knows everything. Like Sam said, no more secrets. And... I care about you too much to hide it much longer.”

“I’m sorry, Cas.” Their eyes met, locked in too many emotions to put to words.

“Me too.”

“My mom’s pissed.”

Castiel grinned sadly. “She’s scared. She thinks you left and can’t understand why you didn’t just tell her. About being bi or gay. About me.”

Dean sighed. “I made a total mess out of this.”

Castiel grinned. “Me too.” Castiel put his other hand along Dean’s cheek. “I forgive you. Please forgive me.”

“I do,” Dean nodded, looking more sure of it this time.

“I was so worried,” Castiel whispered.

Dean sat up, wincing. Castiel took advantage of his closer proximity, leaning in to kiss him.

“What are you doing?” Dean grinned against his mouth.

“Kissing you. I usually get what I want when I kiss you.”

“Do you?” Dean grinned harder, putting his arms around him, kissing him deeper.

They stopped, looking at each other. “Come home,” Castiel pleaded. “And if you need anything, you come find me. You told me the same thing once, a long time ago. It works both ways.”

Dean nodded slowly. “Alright.” He got out of bed, picking up a few things, putting them into a bag. Castiel took his hand as they left the house, squeezing into the backseat of the car.

“Hey, Dean!” Chuck grinned, giving him a little wave.

“Get us outta here, Chuck,” Dean nodded, leaning against Castiel.

 

*************************************

 

“Dean!” Mary ran from the kitchen, hugging him. “What happened? Where have you been?”

“I’ve been at Dad’s,” he admitted.

Mary backed up a step, her face paling. “Did your dad do this? Did he hit you?”

Dean stared at the floor for only a moment. Fighting a lot of old demons by the looks passing over his tired face. “Yeah.”

Mary looked angry. Her hands shook slightly as she tucked hair behind her ear. “Is Sam okay?”

Castiel, Sam, and Gabe stepped closer, Castiel putting his hand on Dean’s back.

“I’m fine,” Sam stated angrily. “But I’m never going back there. I didn’t even see him, and I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t want Dean going back either.”

Mary nodded. “You won’t be.”

Mary and Dean talked for a long time. Dean had been keeping a lot inside. He had been keeping so many secrets. 

Castiel and Gabe left, giving them much needed family time.

 

***********************************************************

 

For the first time in his life, Castiel saw beyond the walls of their school. Beyond the blocks of south side. Beyond the tight group of friends he ate lunch with. He was taking control of his life.

He was proud of who he was. And he was certain in the decisions he was making. He had made his mistakes and learned from them.

 

He made change for his customer at the counter, giving them a polite smile. “Thank you. Have a good day.”

He waved to Garth, letting him know he was taking his break. Garth waved back, heading to the counter to take over. 

Castiel went straight out the back door, knowing what awaited him. Dean leaned up against his car. He knew, because they had figured out a way to see each other. 

“Dean,” Castiel grinned, going straight to him, hugging him.

Dean hugged him back, kissing him.

“How are you?” Castiel looked Dean up and down, looking for anything out of the norm.

“I’m good,” Dean said quietly, his thumb rubbing Castiel’s cheek gently. “I know you don’t have long for your break. But I wanted to ask you something.”

“Anything,” Castiel answered, eyes wide. 

“I was wondering,” he said, a dear, shy little grin on his face, “if you would go out with me?”

Castiel glanced behind him. “Out where?”

Dean laughed. “Out. Like...date.”

“Oh!” Castiel grinned, his heart warmed at the thought. “Date?” He laughed. “We missed that part, didn’t we?”

“We did.” Dean’s grin sobered as he looked at Castiel steadily. “I know I don’t always have the brightest ideas. I’m not proud of how all this started. Or how it has turned out so far. All I know is, somewhere between the moment I met you and that beach trip, I fell in love with you.”

Castiel’s face flushed. He gripped Dean’s waist. He had thought it a million times, that he loved Dean. But to hear such words come to him from Dean’s mouth, with sincere warmth in his green eyes, with his whole body so fucking deliciously close to his own... “I love you. I can tell you the minute it happened. It was here, in the storage room when you came and found us.”

Dean nodded, grinning. “I remember that.” The haunted memory passed between them. Castiel and Gabe had scars on their faces to this day. Small white lines where the glass had cut them.

Dean’s face had flushed, and the sweetest grin lingered from Castiel telling him he loved him.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to ask me out and tell me you love me at the same time,” Castiel grinned.

Dean laughed. “I think I need some dating practice. Wanna help me?”

“Well, in that case. Yes. I’d be quite willing to practice dating with you.”

They kissed slowly. Castiel took Dean’s hand in his, still loving holding his hand. “I would love to date you. And I do love you. It doesn’t matter how we got together. In fact, it’ll make a pretty good story someday.”

Dean hugged him tight. “I’m gonna do better with this part. I promise.”

“Better? It’s been pretty amazing so far.”

Dean kissed him again. “So, is your mom ever going to unground you?”

Castiel sighed. “Yes. Apparently, a month is sufficient enough punishment. So, I’ll be free this weekend.”

“I still can’t believe she grounded you this long. And you’ve been such a boy scout about it.”

Castiel smirked. “Yeah, I’m trying to be ‘responsible’.”

Dean nodded. “Me too. So, this weekend? Would you like to go see a movie?”

Castiel’s stomach filled with butterflies. A real date. In public. That he could talk about. “Yes!”

Dean chuckled, probably at his ridiculous enthusiasm. “And dinner?”

“And dinner,” Castiel repeated a mite wistfully. “That sounds perfect.”

Castiel’s timer went off, alerting him that he had two minutes of break left. “Saturday?”

Dean nodded. “Saturday at six.”

Castiel leaned in, kissing him. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Dean pulled back only a fraction to tell him he loved him, Castiel saying the same. 

He went back into the Gas-n-Sip with a new energy. He was in love. And he had a date. A real date.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all! Thank you so much for reading! I’ve got several more fics in the works, so I’ll be around again soon!


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